Huge Rant Built up for 6 Months (Long)

[driverseati]

This is about a half year of frustration built up, and I need to let it out.

For those of you that have met me, probably know I'm not an insanely stupid person, although capable of doing stupid things, it's not usually a habit.

This concerns the fact that lately I have not been able to keep/maintain an online bankroll for whatever reason (I'm not going to make excuses).

Since January, I've been on a huge losing trend online (I would post a graph, but lack the motivation to do so right now). No matter what the stakes, whether 50NL 6 max or shortstacking 3-6, playing limit, mtts, all sngs, whatever, it has not worked out. I estimate to have lost upwards of 50k since the beginning of the year, although the exact figure is unknown due to my computer being out of service for extended periods of time and me playing on other computers/loss of PT data.

I feel like I've gone through numerous avenues, and attempted to make it work throughout this stint, including private coaching, cardrunners videos, reviewing hands, playing breaks, etc. Even so, I continue to lose online, and I'm left to scratch my head. It has come to a point of discouragement and frustration, a hurt ego (due to failing at something I feel like I should obviously succeed at), and a plethora of other emotions and feelings.

Even with the success I've had in limited live mtts (turning stone, and the 1 wsop event I played in), I still see the negative side of it (having chip leads and not closing the deal). What also doesn't help is getting made fun of by my peers from school, and it has come to a point to where I'm about to snap.

Something is missing, something is lacking, I just have no idea what the hell it is or how the hell to find what it is. Trust me, if I knew, I would make every effort to figure it out.

I'm not saying I'm great or perfect, as I know I'm definitely not a sick player compared to those that are out there. I am not busto, but lack the funds online (luckily) to play what I'm accustomed to.

Part of what I'm feeling is a product of my competitive nature, motivation to succeed, and the expectation to do so. Yes poker is a challenge, and will never be mastered, and I understand that aspect of it. However, there has to be improvement with constant, focused work, which from a results point of view, there has been none that I can see myself.

Anyways, this was a really disorganized rant, but I had to get this out...feel free to flame away at me or whatever as I've probably wasted a good part of your life.

Edit: I guess I have to please the masses, here's the graph...

[image]http://img515.imageshack.us/my.php?image=rantpw4.jpg[/image]

(I can't get the damn thing to work, screw it I'm such a fish)

[Jamougha]

Play with people you can beat. If you can't beat 50NL then play 10NL.

[Soundwave]

[ ] graph
[x] ban

[Dr_Doctr]

You lost 50K+ since the start of the year and you're still in school? That's bad unless you're rich. Imo you should pick one game type at one limit (lower than you're playing now) and play that exclusively until you can prove you beat it over a large sample. It sounds like it will hurt your ego to move down - well, if your ego is important then not much to do except what you're doing and go bust.

Wtf at cracking up because your friends taunt you about not being good at poker? You have serious priority issues imo. You know, you can just stop playing any time you want - it's just a f%*king game. Btw BBV was a REALLY bad place to post this thread.

[AHoboOnFire]

tl;dr

[mlagoo]

wait you lost 50k at nl50?

[RikaKazak]

wait...are you deverstai (sp) on tilt or other sites?

[driverseati]

Combination of everything poker combined somewhere....I only have about 13k of online, but there's another 20-30k elsewhere that isn't accounted for I know for sure that's in my paper records.

[driverseati]

[ QUOTE ]
wait...are you deverstai (sp) on tilt or other sites?

[/ QUOTE ]

yep

[Hiiiiiiii]

Just keep at it bud. Don't let variance get you down.