Ridonkulous Explanations

[mxp2004]

What are some of the ridiculous explanations you've heard at the poker table after an odd play? It doesn't matter whether the donk won or lost the pot after his move.

Fortunately, I was on the good side of this play last night. After raising the donk on the flop and value betting the turn, the donk led into me by pushing with his remaining $150 in an attempt to take down the $150 pot with just Jack high. I called with two-pair, and he showed his missed gutshot straight draw.

I would have lauded his creativity if he had said, "I missed my draw and the only way I could win the pot was to bluff at it." However, he offered this gem instead:

"What could I do? I was pot committed."

[dying2win]

nuse

[warrantofice]

this guy sat down at my poker table the other day and started to talk about all these noob plays that he saw over the past year play 10nl online man i wish i had a tape recorder so i could have listened to them again and again

[D0p3Ad1c7]

Sickest thing i've ever seen...
Regular 1-2NL (200max) live game... Gets raised to 50 preflop... 3 ways...
Flop A 5 2... First guy pushes allin for his last 90~... The other two get it all in on the flop as well, both show AK... First guy doesnt show, turn comes 4, river comes 3, he shows 86o... Claims 'I had a feeling'...

And people say online poker is rigged... This guy can see through the deck

[inyourface]

Honestly some of these are pure gold!!

---------------------------------------------------

bennyboom: 3-betting 88 preflop? what a joke
Scotsman71: POCKET PAIRS ARE FAVOURITES AGAINST YOUR OVERCARDS I SAW IT ON WPT
bennyboom: I HAD AA YOU DOLT
Scotsman71: YA U HAD TWO OVERCARDS
bennyboom: you're on my list

----------

Just sat down and before getting dealt a hand witnessed this gem. Converter kind of messed up since I wasn't dealt I guess, but pre-flop Lurker(SB) raised to 30 cents and poker(BB) called.


Results below:
pokerprncess has K J (flush, king high).
LurkerDrop has 9 9 (three of a kind, nines)
Outcome: pokerprncess wins $9.25.

ParkCitySki said, "nh"
pokerprncess said, "50/50"
LurkerDrop said, "lol 50/50"
LurkerDrop said, "are you out of your mind"
pokerprncess said, ""
LurkerDrop said, "dimwits these days"
pokerprncess said, "33/67"
pokerprncess said, "hahahah"
LurkerDrop said, "wow"
ParkCitySki said, "karma loss"
ParkCitySki said, "now be nice"
LurkerDrop said, "was 75/25 vs you princess"
pokerprncess said, "no...."
pokerprncess said, "wtf"
LurkerDrop said, "yes"
LurkerDrop said, "top set?"
pokerprncess said, "FLUSH DRAW"
LurkerDrop said, "so what"
pokerprncess said, "33%"
LurkerDrop said, "fh/quad draw is same % as you"
pokerprncess said, "stupid"
pokerprncess said, "you're an idiot"
LurkerDrop said, "plug it into pokerhand"
LurkerDrop said, "and you'll see"
LurkerDrop said, "dimwit"
pokerprncess said, "you don't know anything about probabilty"
pokerprncess said, "calc 3, *****"
LurkerDrop said, "you're so retarded it's amazing"
pokerprncess said, "im actually attending a university right now"
pokerprncess said, "so piss off"
LurkerDrop said, "you're failing it too it seems"
pokerprncess said, "B"
pokerprncess said, "i dont attend it anyways"
pokerprncess said, "lurker, dont be mad that you suck at poker, okay?"
LurkerDrop said, "i suck at poker?"
pokerprncess said, "yes you do"
LurkerDrop said, "hm, im folding a top set"
LurkerDrop said, "yes i think thats a good play there"

--------------

changbang> i always see whos the first to get KK or AA on a table
changbang> and give him a high five
changbang> HERES YOUR HIGH FIVE ZZCHESS
zzchess> yea ive been due some luck
changbang> AND SOME HIGH FIVES

-------------

I had pocket 2's in the BB and some guy in MP calls it and so does the SB. Flop comes A22, MP guy instantly goes all in. I call. He has pocket ace's. Then says "yeah keep playing that trash buddy I'll break you eventually."

-------------

I got a kick out of this, playing $100NL with Clonie Gowen



jda2003 (Observer): is clonie gowen your name???
jda2003 (Observer): who are you??
Clonie Gowen: is jda your name???
Clonie Gowen: who are you??
MrTimCaum: I THINK IT IS A LEGITIMATE QUESTION
lquidmusic (Observer): I don't think it's a legitimate question...if they have
their own avatar, and their name is in red, that's their real name
Clonie Gowen: should be pretty obvious, the table is even named after me
MrTimCaum: THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THAT IT IS A LEGITIMATE
QUESTION
Dealer: MrTimCaum has 5 seconds left to act
MrTimCaum: I'M LEAVING!
Clonie Gowen: then you answer it tim
lquidmusic (Observer): wow, outburst of the evening
Dealer: MrTimCaum stands up
bruinptatc: geez
Clonie Gowen: lol
Clonie Gowen: that was funny

----------

I had KK in the SB, and I re-raised the BB 4 handed, folded to mein a SnG.

He typed in " Oh youre gonna bully me huh [censored] " and re-raised me all in.

I called immediately, and he showed AJ.

I hit his ace, and then said " Yeah, what the gently caress now. Know your role. Dont try donig that poo poo with Kings, you know its a race if I have an ace "

----------

I love people who act like tough guys, especially when they make physical threats online. That whole log reminded me of a guy I was at a table with on Party. Someone rivered a set to beat him, and that set him off:

nineballwiz: up your a.ss with a broom f.aggot
nineballwiz: no good river whore
behindmasks: the check raise on the end wasn't a clue for you?
nineballwiz: die slow
ChubbyFunk27: I think I have nightmares about rivers
behindmasks: why don't you keep betting without regard to what the other players are doing to get your revenge?
nineballwiz: stfu weak nut fish
nineballwiz: bittchmade
ChubbyFunk27: ok, you're an idiot, stop talking
nineballwiz: just with this was a live game i would bust kman and masks face open
behindmasks: hehe
Kman70_4Fun: F Off A-Hole
behindmasks: hardly a substitute for knowing how to play well
nineballwiz: u too f.agballs would chase a parked car
ChubbyFunk27: ok, once again nineball, no more talking
nineballwiz: two
Kman70_4Fun: I rule in my house
Kman70_4Fun: Your words are SH__!!!
nineballwiz: u aint shet
nineballwiz: but a f.uckin ****

What really cracked me up though was his totally awesome parting shot:

nineballwiz: u f.ags need to get alot better before u can play with the master
nineballwiz has left the table.
Kman70_4Fun: good riddens
Ulillillia: hahahahahahahaha

---------

Hand 1
NJDfan1711: wow, so lucky
kdevil: totally!
NJDfan1711: you were....
kdevil: I know!
NJDfan1711: k

Hand 2
NJDfan1711: hahaha
NJDfan1711: what an awful player
kdevil: I know right!
NJDfan1711: I hope you get hit by a bus tomorrow

---------

as lame as an ICQ log but I was cracking up cause this guy would post stuff like this after every hand.

#2576050269: GREATMAN222 wins $25.50 from the main pot with a flush, ace high with king kicker.

GREATMAN222: rake payr you thought your 6 high flush could beat greatness

Kaedric: truly GREATMAN222 is a force to be reckoned with!

GREATMAN222: lol

Kaedric: it is no coincidence that you won with pocket kings sir!

Kaedric: it's a metaphor for your greatness

GREATMAN222: i know im great

GREATMAN222: thanks sir you are great as well not as great as me but you are alright

Kaedric: coming from GREATMAN222 that means a lot

GREATMAN222: thanks i dont know what to say

Kaedric: let your greatness speak for itself sir

MASTA__PLAYA: suck
MASTA__PLAYA: mydiick


Oh GREATMAN222, shine on you crazy diamond.

---------

This was after the first hand in a tourney, where i trapped a guy. I thought it was pretty funny, and yes i know quoting rounders is lame, but for some reason I couldn't stop laughing and even said it to my blah.txt



rickers1823 (Observer): it hurts
rickers1823 (Observer): he trappped me
rickers1823 (Observer): wit hhis CHECK CHECK CHECK
rickers1823 (Observer): HE BEAT ME
rickers1823 (Observer): straight up
rickers1823 (Observer): PAy him
rickers1823 (Observer): PAY THAT MAN HIS MONEY

---------

This was hilarious.

MullinaxWins bets [$6].
BLIND69NER raises [$12].
MullinaxWins calls [$6].
BLIND69NER shows [ Ad, Qh ] two pairs, aces and queens.
MullinaxWins doesn't show [ 4s, Jh ] a pair of jacks.
BLIND69NER wins $46 from the main pot with two pairs, aces and queens.
qj

Radiocorgi: no you didn't
BLIND69NER: lol
MullinaxWins: lol i mean aa
wussupkid: you had Jack 4
Radiocorgi: more like j4
wussupkid: lmao
MullinaxWins: how the hell did u know that u son of a ****
ge0ffym0lly: we are all cheating
wussupkid: secrets secrets
Radiocorgi: I have a Phd in hacking the planet
wussupkid: stick around,,,you'll figure it out
wussupkid: he tought me,,,I attended his class
wussupkid: lol
MullinaxWins: well i hope not because every one of your names is about to be put down on party poker list

kg8985: PLEASE!!!! Don't do that!!!LMAO
ge0ffym0lly: lol
MullinaxWins: i mucked those cards

ge0ffym0lly: i saw them preflop
MullinaxWins: how the hell did u know what i has
wussupkid: what the Jack 4??
Radiocorgi: hey moron you can check if it went to showdown by hitting the last hand option

wussupkid: no you didn't
MullinaxWins: bull sh it
ge0ffym0lly: shhh! don't tell him
wussupkid: you didn't muck,,you called
wussupkid: thank you geoffy
Radiocorgi: don't worry he's still a donk
wussupkid: make em learn the hard way
Radiocorgi: oh ya he's a master eBluffer lma
MullinaxWins: u are full of it


** Dealing Flop ** [ 3s, Jh, 3c ]
kg8985 checks.
NJSeabass bets [$3].
wussupkid: do you want me to tell you what you have right now????
wussupkid: I will if you want???
MullinaxWins: yeah
wussupkid folds.
MullinaxWins raises [$6].
BigNewbie folds.
kg8985 folds.
NJSeabass calls [$3].
** Dealing Turn ** [ Th ]
wussupkid: why do you think I folded
Radiocorgi: 23o because you're a donk
NJSeabass checks.
MullinaxWins bets [$6].
NJSeabass raises [$12].
MullinaxWins raises [$12].
NJSeabass calls [$6].
** Dealing River ** [ 4h ]
NJSeabass checks.
MullinaxWins bets [$6].
NJSeabass calls [$6].
MullinaxWins shows [ As, Js ] two pairs, jacks and threes.
NJSeabass shows [ Tc, Jc ] two pairs, jacks and tens.
NJSeabass wins $88 from the main pot with two pairs, jacks and tens.
oops

Radiocorgi: lol
igorello folds.
MullinaxWins folds.
Radiocorgi raises [$6].
BigNewbie calls [$6].
JayBird44444 folds.
ge0ffym0lly folds.
wussupkid: don't you know you shouldn't raise with AJ
hornilius25 has joined the table.
kg8985 has been reconnected and has 18 seconds to act.
im on the phone with party poker right now
kg8985 folds.
lol
have fun since they barely speak english
BigNewbie: dude,,,you are rally cracking me up!!!

wussupkid: I better run before he gets me in trouble
Radiocorgi: 'HELLO PARTY POKER? I'VE BEEN HACKED. GO TO ORANGE ALERT'
wussupkid: hey ge0ffy,,,you laughing at this kid
ge0ffym0lly: better sit out u can't win when we know ur hole cards
MullinaxWins: they understood exactly what i said and they are watching the table

---------

NASHDADDY: time to go blast a dookie in the toilet

--------

Survivor7391: whitepuke is going downnn
whiteuk: nah i'm going out actually
whiteuk: got some post to pick up
whiteuk: sorry
#2628818058: Remo149 wins $6.50
Survivor7391: chicken XXXX
Survivor7391: puke bas turd
whiteuk: why thankyou


What can I say? I took him down and he got stressed out.

---------

ba11er6969: moron
ba11er6969: typical XXXXing moron
ba11er6969: asswot
ba11er6969: asswit
Jonny718: you called
ba11er6969: go XXXX a dog
rotujda: you did nothing to get him off the hand <-- me
rotujda: and called down with 3rd pair
ba11er6969: bunch of XXXXing morons
Jonny718: and your rude so go XXXX yourself
ba11er6969: i hope you choke on camel semen

-------

A table coach gets his just desserts:

Earlier on, this ajb guy had been berating some of the other players at the table and acting like a [censored]. They were going back and forth with him when this hand came up.

***** Hand History for Game 2776822073 *****
$1/$2 Texas Hold'em - Monday, September 26, 03:28:26 EDT 2005
Table Table 30084 (6 max) (Real Money)
Seat 5 is the button
Total number of players : 5
Seat 3: urmomlovesit ( $78.13 )
Seat 5: rjrocking ( $83.19 )
Seat 6: SmileyLSU ( $52.25 )
Seat 2: LittleBones_ ( $43.75 )
Seat 1: ajb1278 ( $35.85 )
SmileyLSU posts small blind [$0.50].
>You have options at Table 34445 (6 max) Table!.
ajb1278 posts big blind [$1].
** Dealing down cards **
ajb1278: you dumb asses call with anything
LittleBones_ raises [$2].
SmileyLSU: and you bet with anything
ajb1278: AK
ajb1278: best hand
SmileyLSU: I watched you chase that K8 a minute ago
urmomlovesit raises [$3].
rjrocking folds.
SmileyLSU folds.
ajb1278 calls [$2].
LittleBones_ calls [$1].
** Dealing Flop ** [ Th, Ts, 2s ]
ajb1278 checks.
LittleBones_ checks.
urmomlovesit: why are you talking
urmomlovesit checks.
** Dealing Turn ** [ 3c ]
ajb1278 checks.
LittleBones_ bets [$2].
urmomlovesit calls [$2].
ajb1278 raises [$4].
LittleBones_ folds.
urmomlovesit calls [$2].
** Dealing River ** [ 5d ]
ajb1278 bets [$2].
ajb1278: pot odds dumb rear end
urmomlovesit: u think ur gonna win?
SmileyLSU: same for us MORON
urmomlovesit: i know u dont have a ten
urmomlovesit: u know why?
ajb1278: yeah ok
urmomlovesit raises [$4].
ajb1278 raises [$4].
urmomlovesit: LOL
urmomlovesit: u know why
urmomlovesit: cause i have the other two
urmomlovesit raises [$4].
ajb1278 calls [$2].
urmomlovesit shows [ Tc, Td ] four of a kind, tens.
ajb1278 doesn't show [ 3d, 3h ] a full house, Threes full of tens.
urmomlovesit wins $34.50 from the main pot with four of a kind, tens.

The table pretty much went apeshit at that point.

--------

Hit and runners! -

Scotsman posted:
rhinoceraces: because when we get in a hand I'll nail you later for it all
Scotsman: YA? HOW YA GONNA NAIL ME WHEN I CAN DO THIS
Dealer: Scotsman sits out
Scotsman: I am leaving now THANKS FOR THE MONEY RHINO I LOVE DONATORS LIKE U
rhinoceraces: if these people played live with me that might watch their f.ucking mouths
rhinoceraces: because i'll hit a bytch like that
Scotsman: I AM GONNA BUY CIGARETTES WITH YOUR MONEY RHINO AND FEED THEM TO BABIES.

---------

a3q46bq3ysrt: you guys are so XXXXing busted
Nitrain67 raises [$7].
a3q46bq3ysrt is all-In [$16.14]
thedude1206 folds.
Nitrain67 calls [$10.14].
Nitrain67 shows [ 4d, 4s ] a full house, Fours full of aces.
a3q46bq3ysrt shows [ Ac, As ] four of a kind, aces.
a3q46bq3ysrt wins $39.93 from the main pot with four of a kind, aces.





fordman_69: lets kick it up a notch!!!!
a3q46bq3ysrt: XXXX you fordman let's tone it down a little

----------

Fortune SNG this morning:

[Dealing Flop] Jd 8c 9s
4CardsDraw checks:
HotScot is all-in [570]
3 folds
4CardsDraw: u keep pulling this [censored]
4CardsDraw: well this time i caught u
4CardsDraw: gg hotscot, time to get busted
4CardsDraw calls [570]

4CardsDraw shows Js 2s (One pair, Jacks)
HotScot shows: Tc 7d (A straight, Jack High)


Oops.

[inyourface]

KC547 said, "oneday everybody will learn on pokerstars that pokit aces is the absolute worst hand to play on this joker poker site"
KC547 said, "its the truth they are no good on here"
KC547 said, "i throw pokit aces away when i get them on this site"
Cjones7410 said, "your a good player"
Cjones7410 said, "lol"
KC547 said, "well if you don t throw them away you will be knocked out"
CSaja said, "what is pokit"
Cjones7410 said, "i have won with them already once in this tourny"
KC547 said, "they win about 2 out of every 1000 times there out"
KC547 said, "you won cause you didn t get a call bro"

-----

JaniseW shows [6c, 7c, 5c, 3c, 6d, 8s, 9s] a straight, five to nine
JaniseW wins $31 from the main pot with a straight, five to nine.

winechuck: nice catch u dumb b_itch
winechuck: what a river keep playin those hands I will bust u
JaniseW: Due to your outburst, I will NOT play those hands anymore. Thanks for teaching me it was a bad play.
winechuck: shutup

I consider it an accomplishment when I get someone to resort to telling me to "shut up".

------

I raise UTG with AsJs, UTG+1 and UTG+2 call

AKx flop with two hearts, I bet, both call
x turn, I bet, UTG+2 calls
K river, I check, UTG+2 bets 1/3 pot, I call and beat 7h5h

Dealer: Hand 138021488: MrTimCaum wins($69.25) with Two Pair, Aces and Kings
Martland: a j?
Martland: wow
MrTimCaum: 75s?
Martland: i represented AK
MrTimCaum: you sure as hell didn't do a good job of it
Martland: f uck this
MrTimCaum: lol


he immediately left the table

------

Final Pot: t5220

Results below:
UTG has Js Jc (flush, ace high).
MP2 has Qd Qh (one pair, queens).
Outcome: MP2 wins t2690. UTG wins t2530.

ShinGouki: ALWAYS SAME CIRCUS !!!
ShinGouki: l KNEW 2 CLUBS CAME AFTER FLOP
ShinGouki: JJ ??
Tn-Nestegg: u still whinning
asspartaus: lose the same yesterday
ShinGouki: it is ALWAYS THE SAME CIRCUS l SAY
ShinGouki: BEST HAND DOESN T WIN LIKE % SHOWS !
Tn-Nestegg: bekieve me we all have
asspartaus: never trust %
Tn-Nestegg: TILT
ShinGouki: 81.3% QQ VS JJ
asspartaus: so u get the last 18.7
ShinGouki: 87% after flop
Tn-Nestegg: 94 after turn, zero after river
ShinGouki: 94 after turn ?!!
ShinGouki: no 75
ShinGouki: so random

Edit: This is the best circus in town.

ShinGouki said, "but you can't win on this fuclking site"
asspartaus said, "haha"
ShinGouki said, "worse hand wins so often"
ShinGouki said, "l think l start going all in 72 off soon"

------

Dealer: Donkey13 shows [Jh Jd]
Dealer: Toreador shows [8d 8h]
XavierSheen: Pass Sugar
Dealer: Donkey13 shows a straight, Queen high
Dealer: Toreador shows three of a kind, Eights
Dealer: Donkey13 wins the pot (7,680) with a straight, Queen high
Toreador (Observer): go all in with 72 off,sure winner at this table
XavierSheen: how do you call with 8-8??????? HOW ?
XavierSheen: that is horrible. thank god you won donkey
Donkey13: thanks for the support...i didnt feel all that lucky
XavierSheen: i'm so sick of these quick reraises with sh.t. You made a big raise under the gun, got to respect it
Donkey13: if only more people thought like u, i wouldnt take as many bad beats
XavierSheen: i appreciate that
Donkey13: good players are alwaz appreciated and i certainly dont mind losing to people such as yourself nearly as much
XavierSheen: likewise. thanks a lot
53M37: get a room you two
XavierSheen: did anyone just see that last hand?

------

martinkil: had to go for a while
martinkil: my dog committed suicide
BOB127: srry to hear that
martinkil: yeah
BOB127: jump off pourch with a chain
martinkil: barking at a bird then jumped off the roof
martinkil: funeral tomorrow
martinkil: if i can scrape him up


Dealer: ohthen shows [9s 9h]
Dealer: Rollup shows [3h 9c]
Dealer: ohthen shows a full house, Nines full of Threes
Dealer: ohthen wins the side pot (1,956) with a full house, Nines full of Threes
Dealer: Rollup shows a full house, Threes full of Nines
Dealer: ohthen wins the main pot (3,905) with a full house, Nines full of Threes
Tournament Director: The blinds are now 100/200
Dealer: Hand #299354377
olie_t: good job oh
Rollup (Observer): i ca'nt believe they just had me lose to a high house...i &$#ing hate htis site
I Bet You Fold: u had 93 dude
I Bet You Fold: easy buddy

------

PokerStars 5+.50 SNG: I had KJs in the small blind, four-handed at the 100/200/25 ante level, and was the chipleader with about 5600 chips, much of it stolen through happy fun aggressive play. It's folded to me, I raise to 600, and the big blind goes all in for 545 more and I obviously call. He has pocket Jacks. Like the jerk that I am, I spiked the King on the turn, but I felt bad for the guy until he started typing in the chat box.

mpjhockey27: unbelievable
mpjhockey27: what a dueshe
GOODTYMS3: YOU HAD TO CALL THAT
kkith: lol

[I win another pot, stealing the blinds]

MissingDonut: it's funny because he can't spell douche
GOODTYMS3: VERY NICE CALL
kkith: what is a dueshe?
MissingDonut: something to do with clog dancing
kkith: lol
_________________
AHCHCCHAHACHAHCHAHC

god dammit I'm going all in

[tame_deuces]

[ QUOTE ]

bennyboom: 3-betting 88 preflop? what a joke
Scotsman71: POCKET PAIRS ARE FAVOURITES AGAINST YOUR OVERCARDS I SAW IT ON WPT
bennyboom: I HAD AA YOU DOLT
Scotsman71: YA U HAD TWO OVERCARDS
bennyboom: you're on my list


[/ QUOTE ]

Actually this is gold. It might be a level, it might not be a level, but nomatter what it is BBV MATERIAL!

[dying2win]

lol i know who you are

[tame_deuces]

And then it notice this is in NVG [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[Bonified]

My favourite explanation is "I was bored"

Fair enough usually, but in this particular case we were playing the 4th hand of the tournament. Thinking back, that was probably the mean attention span in that particular tournament.