The Missing Trip Report

[grando]

I'll be starting from the first day, including everything reposted from the old thread, and continue new posts every couple days till I'm done it

[grando]

Me and my g/f decided to go to Vegas like 4 months ago, so we (read: I) went and researched the best hotels, plane rates, shows, etc. and we decided on Apr. 30 to May 5 (Sun-Fri). We decided on Bally's because of good ratings and cheap prices. TravelAxe was a great tool, and we got our flights right through aircanada.com.

We left at 5:30 our time. On the flight we argue about shuttle vs. cab - I tell her there's no way we're taking a shuttle, but she's bent on saving $ and taking the shuttle. So I tell her I'll pay the cab fare - who cares. I now realize I should have rented a car beforehand, but realize that being 24 will cost me an extra $25/day. Next year....

We get to McCarran at just before midnight, and go directly to the hotel. The length of the ride seems fishy to me - it's only a $12 cab ride, but the meter is over $20. I'm usually quite good with my research, but I chalk it up to being tired and just pay the man $25 when we get to the hotel.

We eat these sandwiches at Nosh in the Bally's hotel after we check in. Awesome sandwiches - I had meatball/onion/green pepper/sauce/cheese, and it was delicious. 13 bucks for that and a drink I think. I also pick up my g/f's 1/2 foot turkey sandwich. It looked [censored]. Total bill $25 with tip. 8/10.

Then we go to bed for sexless sleep. I watch the celebrity impersonator do fran drescher/katherine hepburn/
judge judy/cher/etc. while teaching the viewer how to play certain table games. Yeah ok I'll take insurance always thanks for the tip. Yeah I get it - cher is old.

A little background on my g/f - she read SSHE like 5 months ago, and has played some .25/.50 online and is up probably 600 in bonus and play after the party/2 paradise/expekt bonuses. She is a terrible table coach, and does not put up with sexism/racism/anything. She is also very tight with her money (she will NOT play 3/6 live - only 2/4), and is currently in her 3rd year of university. She is the biggest beyotch I've ever met when she's not happy, and has little to no tact. She's also a solid 7, but thinks she is a 9. Between 1 and 3 drinks she is very nice and happy, but once 4 hits, she turns into superbitch. This is relevant for later stages.

I've played online for my sole income and am at 3/6 6max and 200-400NL 6max and play decently. I'm very non-confrontational, and can put up with a lot of [censored]. I have a lot of common sense, and am quite patient. I'm probably an 8.5 when I'm in shape, but since I'm not right now I'm probably a 7.5. I'm very loose with my money, to the point where I get bored at the poker table and open up my game a ton. I'm a very happy drunk, but once I get past 10-12 I don't put up with my g/f's [censored]. This is usually when we have fights.

Different days will come in different posts in this thread - there will be poker/gambling included - so enjoy. Feel free to bash stuff, cause it'll be funny.

We get up to go exploring - we head south? (towards Luxor/Mandalay Bay/etc.) from Bally's. First stop is the Aladdin mall. We eat at some restaurant inside that had 3 for 1 drinks going on ALL THE TIME OMG! Well I realize that these "3 for 1" drinks are going to be like 15 bucks each, but the g/f wants to go there. Shocker.

So I get 3 margaritas since they have no real drinks on the menu, and she ends up GETTING DIET PEPSI. Yeah this is way better than the crown and coke that I wanted. We get some spinach and artichoke dip and split a chicken pizza. FWIW, these drinks were strong! Well worth the 12 bucks. Pizza was great, dip not so great, but for 4 bucks how can you complain. They did give the g/f my third drink which was nice. Service good to fair. Restaurant was a 6 overall. Total bill $30 with tip. I picked up everything except for 1/2 the spinach dip. Thanks for the 3 bucks hun. I realize that I'll be spending lots of money tipping this trip.

We wander around the mall a little more, then go down the strip to see the other hotels. I start to notice the lack of hot women in general. This makes me sad. We head down to the MGM Grand after buying 2 waters for a buck, then seeing 4 for a buck next door. Only in Vegas.

We get into the MGM and sit down at a blackjack table. Immediately order drinks. I'm starting off playing $5 a hand, and my g/f is just watching for some reason. After being down $10 in 5 minutes I decide that $5 is too boring. I jack it up to $25 a hand. At this point I realize that I should get a player's card, but for some reason I don't. I don't like free stuff and promotions for later I guess.

I then proceed to give my g/f money to bet $5/hand. She proceeds to go on a heater while I donate money to the Grand. The Salt Lake City guy to her right hits on her. I'm too busy gamb00ling to care. Then she loses it all back while I get some back. Total -$300 for wannabe. I'm not coming to Vegas to LOSE money - you watch out MGM - I'll be back!

Then we walk back down to the Bellagio to see what all the fuss is about. Entrance is nice, with the flowers and water and stuff. We proceed to the poker room, as I want to play an hour there just to say that I did. So I get on the 8/16 list (didn't feel like playing 15/30), and am seated about 3 minutes later. Good ol' seat 7. First hand I get 96s in the BB. UTG raise, 2 coldcallers, I call 1 more. Check-fold an AQx flop. 3 memorable hands:

I open AT in the cutoff, semi-loose button coldcalls, blinds fold (this wasn't a very good table - if I'd have been there for more than 4 orbits I'd have changed). Flop comes 993r. I bet, button raises, I 3-bet, hoping to fold his obvious low/middle pocket pair. He calls. Turn comes the lovely K and I bet. He folds 44 face up and congratulates me on my nice snag. "Sorry man - that's a tough turn".

(as an aside, I noticed his driver's license, and he's from the same town as me - I thought this was pretty amazing. After thinking about it for 5 minutes, it was less amazing)

2nd hand: super weak-tight player on my right limps on the CO, I isolate him with 97 (time to gamb00000l by isolating with suited gappers). Of course the blinds fold. Flop comes KT4 and he checks. I bet of course, he calls. Turn comes 2, he checks again, of course I bet, he hesitates for like a minute and calls. The river is the A and I don't know whether I love this card or hate it. He checks the river, and since I'm getting about 5:1 on this bet I bet the river. He immediately folds. BANG!

3rd hand: Get QQ in the SB, it's raised to me with 3 coldcallers - I 3jack it and everyone calls. Nice pot.

Flop comes QT4 rainbow. I bet and everyone calls.

Turn comes an ace, putting a flush draw out there. This is a good card for me, and it clearly hit the guy UTG+1, so I check, planning to face the field with 1 and 1. Unfortunately he checks, but the next player bets, 1 call, I raise, UTG+1 calls, and bettor calls. There's a ton of chips in this pot.

River is a beautiful T, putting the flush out there. I yell "Yahtzee" out loud and bet. Call, call, then button raises. "didn't you hear me say Yahtzee?" and I 3bet. 1 fold 1 call and the button just calls. He was mad immediately after he raised the river (but before I gave my speech), which was nice. He flips over A10, other guy mucks, and I show queens full. Thanks for coming out - it was especially nice after he pwned me with AK vs KQ on AKx flop turn Q. Can you cap this river though with tens full please? Take that idiot. Leave UTG on next orbit and am up around $280.

Then my g/f proceeds to tell me all about my live tells while we walked back to Bally's. This exchange was golden:

Her: you know you've got a bunch of tells....
Me: yeah? (not caring at all cause anyone under 20/40 doesn't give a [censored])
Her: yeah - you always bob your head and sniff when you play a hand
Me: alright....
Her: you should probably stop that - they always know when you're in a hand
Me: okay I'll work on it - do I do it when I have a good hand or when I'm bluffing?
Her: both
Me: ok - so you're saying that my tell is the same whether I have a good hand or a bad one?
Her: yeah, what'd you think I meant? seriously? (pretty rudely actually)
Me: well - I don't think a tell that exists 100 percent of the time I'm playing is really a tell
Her: well it is - you have to work on it to succeed at live play
Me: ok, thanks

Then we eat at some buffet - I think it was at the Flamingo. Yeah it was. Very meh. Nothing good on the menu - I could eat the same food at home for like 5.95. About 18 bucks each after tip. I decide that I will have to take charge and decide where to eat myself. 5/10. View was nice though. We then go back to Bally's to play some pokah.

When we got there at 9:00 they had 5 tables going (3 1/2 NL and 2 2/4 limit tables). I've never played live NL before (I play 200 and 400NL online), so I wanted to spend a few hours seeing if it was any good. It definitely wasn't - the players were decent (not good, just decent), and the amount of time between playable hands was just too long. But I wasn't one to judge it in 1 session. I was happy to be done though.

Hand of note: Weak-tight UTG+1 raised to 12, one caller, and I called on the button with 86 with 200 behind. Flop comes down A92 and UTG+1 is visibly disappointed. He bets out 20 into the pot of about 40, caller folds, and I float. Turn comes some rag, he checks, I bet 45, he folds. Yay....(yeah it's a boring hand but pretty much the only one I played in 4 hours).

Then my g/f wanted to play 2/4 (ugh), so I joined her for a few hours there. No noteworthy hands/moments in the 3 hours of hell I had to endure, but watched one of my g/f's hands.

She called A8 after a billion limpers on the button. Flop comes AQ4. Early position bets, she peels one off after 4 callers. Turn is the 7 and the same action occurs. River is 8 and it's checked to her. She checks behind and, of course, drags the pot.

She asks me how she played the hand, and although I wanted to tell her about her $20 river mistake, I told her "nice hand". You might want to reread SSHE though babe. End result +$12 in poker (she was up $30). She then brags about how good she is at poker. Yeah poker is tough when you flop straights and sets.

Then we went to bed, again sexless (I don't like this much) - and watched another channel about all the Harrah's properties. I conclude that everywhere but Caesar's Palace blows.

Next up - Tuesday and Wednesday

[jkkkk]

what

edit: ok I skim read, bury gf find new one.

[grando]

well it looks like you guys like these - here comes Tuesday:

So we get up Tuesday morning, and don't have any plans except for supper at 8:30. So I toss on my clothes (I'll shower later) while my g/f showers and stuff for an hour. Hm sleeping longer would have been nice - a crown and coke at 11 am would be nice too. Ah well let's watch some Cosby show while I wait - that crazy Dr. Huxtable, he says whatever he wants whenever he wants. Go Jello pudding pops!

After Theo finds out he has dyslexia, we head out. Today we're going north, towards the Venetian. Unfortunately, that means that we have to walk past Casino Royale and O'Sheas. OMG BLACKJACK SWITCH WE HAVE TO STOP!

A little background - On Bet365 I played BJ switch to do the bonus and was up 1100 bucks plus the bonus. This might be my favourite game of all time. ONWARD HO!

So we get in and I sit at this table that looks like seagulls live on it, and drop 3 bills. Man is this place rubby! But the 2+2 wannabe theme song is going off in my head thinking of mad $$$$$$$$$.

First hand (15 bucks on each) I get AAAAAAAAAAH ACE ACE! WOWOWOWOWOWO this is pretty sweet! But more remarkable I get WHOAZ ANOTHER 2 ACES! SPLIT EM UP I say. Guess what's up next? Yeah another ace [censored]. That'd only be worth tens of thousands of dollars at my casino at home. Moral of trip I don't like $$$$$$$.

At this point, the pit boss asks my g/f for ID. She fumbles around her purse and can't find it. "Well you're outta here". [censored] you you fat piece of [censored]. Well first I'm gonna take some of your $$$$$$$ when you go BUSTO!

So my 4 hands end up being 12, 20, 20, and 14 against dealer 5. Dealer goes 5-9-12-15-21 and I'm choked. Not about the 60 bucks, but about the fact that I don't even get a chance to make the money back from them. I'm also pissed that my g/f didn't bring her ID. Oh well at least I didn't get VD from the casino.

Off to O'Sheas - first thing I see is a crazy midget blowing a whistle with extreme force. I see a liquor bottle in his hand. I don't like midgets so we move on.

We then go to Harrah's - when my 2 friends go they stay at Harrah's. All they do is bust a nut about how awesome this Texas Hold' Em bonus game is there.

It's this game where you ante before you get cards, then once you see them you get the chance to pay double the ante or fold. Then you see a flop, and have a chance to bet an amount equal to the ante before the turn and river cards. If you beat the dealer you get paid even money on all your bets but your initial ante. You have to have a straight or higher to get paid off on that one.

Before I went I tried to find the optimal strategy for it. Of course there isn't one because of all the different scenarios. This isn't going to be fun. I sit down at a $10 table by myself, and give the dealer 300 bucks. She's really not impressed to have to deal to 1 person. More reason to take her $$$$$.

I get my chips and she's like "you're playing the bonus right?" I tell her no and she rolls her eyes and says "well that's how you make your money". OK Idi. So she deals me the first hand. I flip it up like I'm playing hold 'em (by the corners) and she screams at me to not do that. "Sorry ma'am, an older boy told me to do it ma'am" I say. She is not impressed.

I get K6. Sure I'll play that - it's a FACE CARD (as an aside I know only to fold 83, 82 and 72 but don't know anything else). Flop comes 944. WTF, do I bet here? I'm sure I'm ahead of a random hand so I bet (actually I'm just guessing). Turn is another 4. Bet. River is a 6. SHIP IT. Dealer has KT. This game is easy.

So I proceed to win 9 out of 10 total hands, and am up about 270. I don't really like playing a game where you have no clue where you stand, so I quit. Here's a redbird for you ma'am. And we are out.

Then we walk down to the Venetian. My g/f wanted to go on the gondola for a ride. Hm 20 bucks a person plus tip when I could be watching the Cosby show instead? "How about we look inside the hotel first?" GOLD!

We go in, and the first thing we notice is the overwhelming smell of air freshener. I notice but don't really care much - my g/f thinks it's pretty disgusting though. I don't really blame her - it's very potent. In my opinion it's a huge mistake by the Venetian - it just doesn't make sense to me. Anyways, the hotel/casino itself is nice, but doesn't really have anything to set it apart from the rest of vegas. Personally, I wouldn't have a reason to stay here. We look for the Delmonico to save us some time later on.

We get there, and my g/f says "I don't want to eat there". "Um what?!?". "Look at the tables, they're way too small". "Yeah, that's the waiting lounge". "Oh I knew that". (um no you didn't). So we look at the menu, and the ribeye sticks out at me. I cannot wait for this meal!

Then we go to Treasure Island. The water leading up to the lobby is pretty disgusting. You'd think they could pay someone $5/hour to clean out the mags/other junk that was in there.

Inside was alright - we walk past a roulette table. I ask my g/f "what colour is gonna win, red or black?". "Red, but black is gonna win". Thanks. 20 on red please. BAM RED. Thanks for the 20 bucks. "I told you red would hit". "Good call....".

Then we sit and play 5 hand video poker. I toss in 20 bucks and play a quarter a hand (so it's like 1.25 a hand). Word of caution - video poker might be the most boring game on the face of the planet. I win a couple and lose a couple and am down to like 13 bucks. I tell my g/f to play the last 13 cause I just can't do it anymore. BUSTO. Way to not save the 2 pair though.

I have 4 reds from my roulette win, so I decide to play 1 hand of single deck 6-5 BJ. Yeah I know it's terrible but I have FOUR REDS! 14 vs dealer 10 - 24 BUSTO. Thanks for coming out.

But now I'm down 20 here WTF. Roulette baby! "What colour this time?". "Black, no red". "20 on black". BLACK! For some reason I now cash out these 4 reds and we leave. Very logical.

Off to the Mirage. I really liked the atmosphere of it - it's nice, clean, and has a little of everything. The poker room is super busy - there were 5 tables going on the top, nothing spectacular, but we see another 10-12 on the bottom going. Look and don't see any 2/4. [censored], looks like we're not coming back. We look at the pool, and see that's it's very nice. I'd like to look a little more, but we don't. We talk about coming back for the California Pizza kitchen later on in the week. No gambling here for some reason. That doesn't sound like me.

On the way out we look for a drink. For some reason the carbon dioxide canisters aren't working so we can't get a coke anywhere in the Mirage. Terrible.

On the way back to Bally's we go through Caesars. It's big, impersonal, and I wasn't really impressed. I think they had a circuit event going on there. The poker room was unimpressive from a walkthrough perspective. Lots of douches around. Not in a big hurry to go back.

So we get back and get ready for the Delmonico. I remember that my g/f isn't very cultured. This will be interesting. So we get dressed - she wears a hot white, brown, and light blue dress, and I wear a red dress shirt untucked with jeans. We cab to the Delmonico and get there 15 min early.

We let the maitre d know we're there, and sit and have a drink. I get a whiskey sour, and she takes a minute before ordering vodka/soda with squeeze of lime. We talk for the 12 hundredth time about having a "go-to drink" to not keep waiters/waitresses/bartenders waiting. [censored] I hate that.

So we get called, and my g/f is holding her drink while we walk. She takes 2 steps and the woman walking us to our table snatches it out of her hand in a pleasant manner. Can't let the lady carry her drink to the table. Where the hell is my drink-holder-guy? Sexist....

Anyways we get our chairs pulled out for us and sit down. Waiter introduces himself, plus 2 other waiters that will also be serving us. Gotta like 3 waiters! Of course I don't remember their names, but what can you do.

We order prime rib and beer fondue to start, with a caesar salad for 2. This fondue was spectacular, probably the best appetizer I've ever had. 9.5/10, only because we only got 2 bread pretzels. The guy made the caesar salad in front of us - it probably took about 5 minutes. We have a debate on which fork to use - I say the little one and she says the big one. I humour her and use the big one. The salad was delicious also. 9/10.

Then my g/f needed to use the ladies room. She asks a waiter where it is, and they walk her right to it. When she is gone a different waiter comes by, picks up her napkin from her seat, and folds it up again for her. Amazing. There were way too many of these little things to remember them all, but this service was 10x better than I've had at any restaurant before. I was very impressed. Another waiter came by to bring us 2 more big forks for dinner. I chuckle inside.

I order my ribeye medium, with double baked potato and asparagus. The g/f orders the Maine lobster with sauteed mushrooms. Steak was pretty good, but not the best I've had. Solid 8, probably 8.5. Baked potato was mediocre, probably 6.5. Asparagus was standard but fine. Didn't have any lobster, but my g/f said that it was "just alright". Hmmmmmm. Well at least it was only 65 bucks. The sauteed mushrooms were amazing though. I could have eaten 4 orders of them myself. 9.5/10. Too full for dessert. I'm mad because, out of my last 20 meals out, I have had dessert a total of zero times. Appetizers > dessert. Total bill almost 200 on the button. Leave 250 and we are done. Total experience 9/10, and probably 9.5 if I order better sides for my meal. Make sure you go here if you haven't already.

We get out and go pick up our tickets for the Blue Man Group for later on in the week. Then we walk back to the room to get changed and do something. Nothing interesting happened on the walk. Once back I receive the standard post-Delmonico BJ - not worth 250 bucks but still pretty good. 7.5/10. SCORE! Watch more of the Bally's impersonator. My g/f now hates her because she is super annoying. I'm growing partial to her Judge Judy impersonation. I still have no [censored] clue how to play baccarat.

We decide to head to the Excalibur for some reason. I know I will hate it. We go through NYNY - if it was more modern I would have liked it a lot - it reminded me of the movie AI with the sixth sense kid and jude law. We also wonder what hotel is going in that big hole beside the bellagio. That walk sucks.

We get to the Excalibur and we both sit at a 2/4 table. First hand I see that everyone sucks. One hand.

I get dealt KK on the button. I raise 5 limpers. Flop comes Q74r. Woman who donks any pair bets UTG. 2 callers and I raise. Everyone calls.

Turn comes 2 completing rainbow. Same woman donks out (she played the exact same way the hand previous with J5 on 952Q turn). 1 caller, I raise, she calls, other guy folds.

River is an ace, she checks, I find an easy river bet and she calls. I table kings, she flips over 77. WTF. I say nice hand, she says "I know". I'm pretty pissed off. Again, not about the money, but about how I run into fishy mcdonkey and her set, and she thinks she's amazing. Usually I'd just give myself the "poker is long term blah blah blah" speech, but I really wanted to own this local. Unfortunately I get called for a new 1/2NL table. "Good luck hun".

When I get to the table there are 3 girls lined up in a row from seats 4-6, and a guy in 7. Seat 8 it is. Good luck all. It turns out the girls are locals and work at Caesars. They were all table coaches who were ok but really had no clue. Pot odds and the like were talked about ad nauseum. Fun.

I said it before and I'll say it again - live full table NL blows. Play 1 hand an hour and that's about it. I make a note to only play limit live, unless all there is is 2/4 or 3/6. The verdict isn't out on 4/8.

I finally get AKs in the BB. Biggest table coach opens in CO for 12, Button calls, I jack it to 50, they both call. Flop comes K94r. I bet 90, they both call. Shove my last 100 on the 2 turn and get called by both again. River 6. Woman flips over 66, other guy AJ. Nothing like waiting an hour an a half to get raped. At least cuddle me afterwards.

Then I decide that I'm bored of this game and go on MEDIUMTILT. Raising whatever 2 preflop depending on preflop action and position and trying to push people off hands postflop. I bluff-raise a weak-tight player on a JT47Q river, repping AK all the way, and he puts me all in for 12 more. "Yeah....I can't call you with nothing here" and fold. METAGAME BABY!

2 hands later I raise 65s on the button to 22 after 4 limpers. Some big texan guy pushes for 45 total out of the SB and it's folded to me. Gamb000000l! (yes I know it's an easy call). We flip em over and he's got aces. I know I'm sucking out here. a 5 comes on the flop, the turn gives me open ended, and I spike a 5 on the river. And he's off to the wheel! 20 bucks hahahahaahah. Thanks for coming out.

After donking off another 200 and getting yelled at for it I decide to actually play some poker. It seems other people don't like money either. So I value bet the hell out of everything I have, open up preflop, and make it all back.

At this point there are only 2 girls left, and 1 just got owned on a J84 board:

girl - JJ
some guy - T9
other some guy - K7

They were all in on the flop for about 250 each, and the girl had about 30 behind afterwards. The cards weren't shown until showdown:

Turn A
River Q

hahahahaha last place thanks for coming out. Anyways, then she brings out a digital camera. She has tons of pics of her and her friend parading around semi-nude and feeling each other, etc. They're both decent but nothing special - 5/10 and 5.5/10 I guess. I'm less than impressed, but make sure to stay conspicuous as my g/f is 2 tables over. They start charging $5 to see the pictures. Girl 1 is the one who caught the river 6 against me.

Me: "biggest. waste of money. ever."
Girl 1: "huh?"
Me: "those pictures suck"
Girl 2: "these guys seem to like them (pointing to the rest of the table)"
Me: "you could pick any 2 girls in this casino and they'd pay 100 bucks for them"
Girl 1: "whatever - we went out with dutch boyd and the guy who just won the 3.5 million dollar WP...T...whatever tournament the other night"
Me: "yeah - what's his name? (saying it cynically, but not knowing it myself)"
Girl 1: "um it was joe....joe someone - he's really good though"
Girl 2: "yeah I don't remember his name either"
Me: "yeah dutch is pretty sketchy - but it's pretty amazing how some guy wins a tournament and everyone thinks he's awesome and all the girls get in line"
Girl 1: "whatdaya mean?"
Me: "you know what I mean - so how much are you whoring those pictures for again?"

I'm really bored at this point, so I motion to my g/f that we're going. I see that she's had quite a few drinks. Uh oh. She's up money at least. Me down 60, but up about 8 more crown and coke.

So we're walking back to the hotel (I wanted to catch a cab but she really wanted to walk for some reason), and my g/f starts talking about how to play certain hands. I really don't want to talk about her 2/4 hands, but humour her for a few minutes. She's slurring the hands and they don't make sense (i.e. "well I've got kings and the flop has a king and 2 other cards and the guy bets and I think I have the best hand so I raise and he calls and the turn comes a king I think and he bets, but I'm scared of the king so I just call, the river comes some card and he bets again and I call and I win with a flush how did I play it?"). Once this is done we're walking for a minute and she says:

Her: "(mumbling incoherently)"
Me: "pardon me?"
Her: "nothing (in a semi rude tone)"

I've dated her for long enough to know that a fight will start in about 4 minutes. She'll say something loud enough for me to hear, but not know what she said, and then say 'nothing', but then try and start something right afterwards. At this point I don't know what it's about, but know there's something on her mind.

Her (3 minutes later): Why'd you shave your balls when you came back from Vegas last time? (it was a year ago)
Me: Actually, if you remember, I shaved them before I left, like I do every 2 weeks.
Her: Did you see a hooker while you were there?
Me: Of course not - you know me better than that
Her: Why are you getting so defensive about it if you didn't do it?!?
Me: I feel I have a right to get angry when you accuse me of getting hookers in vegas.
Her: Well why'd you shave your balls then?
Me: I already told you
Her: You DID see a hooker there didn't you? Or some other girls?
Me: No I didn't
Her: And probably strippers too
Me: How did I go from playing poker to seeing hookers, strippers, and regular girls when I was there? You're crazy.
Her: [censored] you (and walks 4 strides ahead of me the whole way to fatburger - about 5 minutes)

I stop and get Fatburger (which wasn't very good btw - 4/10), eat it, and we go back to the room. We then fight over some other stuff while in the room, she goes to sleep on the other queen bed, and I watch more of the Bally's impersonator girl with a smug grin on my face. Obviously no sex. I can't wait for tomorrow.

[grando]

one request - if you guys are gonna bash me in here, at least make it funny - thank you

well here's the first half of wednesday:

so once again we get up - remember she's still in her own bed. I wake up and laugh at her and ask her how her sleep was. "Good". Then she gets up and goes to the shower. I can see that she's not feeling that great from the night before (the booze and bitchiness are having their aftereffects). So of course I fire up the bally's impersonator (which pisses her off), and wait until she's judge judy and says "do I have stupid written on my forehead", laugh, and then turn it to cosby show. This one was about vanessa and her getting drunk playing the alphabet game with her friends. How come none of them are hot? It's like watching the wardrobe from fresh prince. Anyways, I put on a t-shirt and shorts while she gets ready, and then we head out.

We're still not really talking from the night prior, and the 200 person line we have to get in for the price is right show at bally's (we got our tickets when we got here) was a little awkward. Oh well I don't really care - it's time for fun! Da-da da-da, da-da da-da, da-da da-da-da da-da-da da-da, da-da da-da!

Anyways, it's packed - probably 400 people total. We have to squeeze through a bunch of people to get to our seats. There are 2 hosts - playing the parts of bob barker and rod roddy (I think he's dead but you know what I mean). They take about 1/2 hour to "pump us up" for the show. It was pretty cool. The crowd is filled with people like on the tv show - with "I neutered my cat" and "barker's beauties" shirts and just overall losers. I get mad realizing that I'm not gonna get up there, but these idiots will. It'll be funny when they bid 9,000 for a set of golf clubs though.

So anyways, everyone is equipped with a touchpad with letters A-D (D isn't used for some reason), and prior to each game, they put 3 items on a screen from a past year (i.e. dishwasher, dryer, and bar set from 1985), and you have to punch in the corresponding letters of the most expensive and least expensive as fast as you can. Yep just like I thought - a big [censored] joke. Since the crowd is like 400 people, they've managed to weed it down TO 1/6 OF THE WHOLE CROWD, EVEN IF PEOPLE JUST PICK 2 LETTERS BY RANDOM!?!!?? And, of course, the questions are extremely simple - hmmmm I wonder if this truck is more expensive than this scooter. I get angry because I know I'm not going to be able to pwn plinko.

So of course the first set comes up, I get them right (and quick), but 4 women get picked. My g/f exclaims "girls rule!" - while I'm thinking "well 350 out of the 400 people here are female", but am still mad that these people got up there. The first prize is a cheap-ass telescope. The bids go something like 750, 950, 850, and 951. Good bids third and fourth person. Well of course they are way over, the second round goes 650, 651, 750 (yeah 750 was too high for the first round how about we pick it again!), and 1. Of course this telescope is like 250 bucks so the last person wins. Good for you - maybe if you picked 1 the first time you wouldn't have made the whole room 3 IQ points lower.

She gets to play "price match", where you get 4 prizes and 4 price tags, and try to match them up, pull the lever, and it tells you how many you have right. You get 45 seconds total. There's an inflatable kayak, one of those basketball games like you'd find at chuck e cheese, a globe, and something else that was obviously expensive. So she puts the price tags on the prizes, and pulls the lever. BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZERO - hahahahhahahaah. But wait zero is ok because you can just switch 2 of the prices and figure it out that way. But noooooooo she goes and switches them all - pulls the lever. BUUUUUZUZUZUZUZUZUZZ ZERO AGAIN OMG YOU SUCK NO THE KAYAK ISN'T 900 DOLLARS THE BASKETBALL GAME ISN'T 125 JESUS CHRIST. So switcheroo again, and this time she gets 1! Talk about idiot. Then with about 12 seconds left she switches ONLY TWO AROUND and of course gets ANOTHER ZERO. Well thanks for coming out. I'm happy I'm not picked for this game, because I don't know what the [censored] I'm going to do with an at-home basketball game in vegas.

Anyways the games keep on coming - I get the combination right, but push the buttons too quick so the second one doesn't register. Variance. Some spanish guy wins the bidding against 3 women and I yell "SHIP IT". He gets to play cliffhanger. SWEET! He has to make sure he guesses prices of 3 items withhin a total of 35 dollars or else the guy goes over the cliff.

First item is one of those cheap card shufflers that you see everywhere. The guy on stage is SO NERVOUS that I feel bad for him. "How much is this card shuffler?" "Seventy dollars Bob" (his name isn't bob). I tell my g/f that it's 17, and I have a feeling the guy's friend in the front row told him "seventeen" as well but he heard it as "seventy". [censored]. Cue cliffhanger music, dee-de-le-dee dee-de-le-dee ... and of course the guy falls off the edge. I laugh, but feel terrible, then don't feel terrible and laugh again. Of course the price is 17. SHIP IT!

Well now this is getting pretty gay - the prizes they're giving out kinda suck, and we're paying 40 bucks a ticket for this show. I want to get picked already! As an aside, my g/f has started cheating off my answers for the qualification thing. We want one of us up there. At least with Plinko we can just keep the money and don't have to worry about shipping stuff back.

Next game - I get the order right, but forget that it's highest price THEN lowest price, not highest price TO lowest price. What a jopke. I figure I cost myself about $150 in EV. Terrible luck. Anyways some guy wins the bidding and gets to play a game. OMG HOLE IN ONE OR TWO!!!! This is gonna be sweet!

So the items he has to put in order from cheapest to most expensive is 1 pack of Jello, one of those plastic containers of fibre, a large bottle of tide detergent, box of nutrigrain bars, bottle of tylenol, and some other medium-price item that was clearly more expensive than the jello and nutrigrain bars, but cheaper than the other 3. Once an item is found to be cheaper than the one previous you have to stop at that line and putt.

So of course he first picks the Jello (good choice!), then he picks the medium-price item that escapes my mind. People are booing, as the nutrigrain bars were clearly less expensive. Oh well no big deal - he'll still get at least to the 4th line, maybe 5th. THEN EVERYONE TELLS HIM TO PICK THE NUTRIGRAIN BARS!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT THE [censored] IS EVERYONE IN THIS PLACE STUPID? Yeah way to not help him and make him putt at the second line. "PICK THE TYLENOL!111!!!!!!1". My g/f is like "why the hell would he pick the tylenol - the nutrigrain bars are cheaper" - I explain and she doesn't agree. How can you not agree with the rules of the game?!? It's times like these I realize how stupid people are, and how much I love online poker.

So of course he picks the nutrigrain bars, and gets stopped at the second line. Good job assmunches. So he goes to putt, some idiot screams from the crowd when he's in his stance, and he tells them that "he's nervous enough already". He then proceeds to side-door it for a 5 day mexican vacation. He pumps his fist and is super excited - my eyes teared up watching it. It was [censored] awesome! I'm happy for the guy.

Then they randomly draw 3 names to spin the wheel. Whoever gets closest to 1 dollar gets 100 bucks. Woo-[censored]-hoo. 100 bucks. I get mad. Of course we don't get picked, some lady wins 100 bucks when she get 80 on her first spin and the other 2 can't suck out on her. Way to totally waste the awesomeness of the wheel.

I don't even remember the next game they played - I got the order wrong this time, a woman own the bidding, and then got pwned at one of the crappy games, not winning a fridge. Oh no.

Next this guy who was sitting 2 down from my right got picked for the bidding, and the group beside me starts freaking out. At least they're energetic. So he wins the bidding with 1 dollar (oh at this point I remember that the mexican guy picked his bidding item's price right on the button and got an extra 100 bucks. That was pretty sweet when the buzzer went off for the exact price) AND GETS TO PLAY PLINKO OMG MY FAVOURITE GAME!

So he does pretty well on the first number/last number items, winning 4 of the 5 discs for PLINKO! The middle slot is 500, then the zeroes around it of course, then 200, 100, and 50 I believe. The first disc gets caught halfway down. Oh well it happens. Then he throws it again, and it's going down....OMG IT'S ON THE LAST ROW AND BOUNCES TO THE LEFT ON THE LAST PEG IT'S GOING TO BE 500! No wait it bounces left, hits a peg on the row above, comes back right, and gets stuck!??! How the hell can it get stuck there? RIGGED! The guy got robbed. So he has to let it go again, and at the end he gets 3-200s and 1-100. Not a bad payday. Still it feels like PARTY PLINKO!

Now, at this time, I'm expecting another pricing game, then the wheel again, then the showcase showdown. But, for some reason, they play 3 games, then the wheel, 2 more games, and then right to the showdown?!? WTF IS THIS?!?!? I'm getting severely annoyed at the setup of this thing. Anyways, for the showcase showdown, there are a series of 3 questions, given in multiple choice, that have 3 answers and the 2 people that answer the 3 correctly and quickest get to go to the showcase. Ok this is good cause it'll weed everyone out a little bit - 1/3*1/3*1/3 = 1/27. Maybe I have a chance here for BIG MONEY BIG PRIZES!

The first question goes something like this:

In 1997 (I'm not sure of the year), some company (I don't remember the company either ) recorded the largest net loss for a company ever. What was the total loss?

A. 10 billion dollars
B. 27.6 billion dollars
C. 100 billion dollars

(these numbers aren't quite exact, but the point comes across)

Hmmmmm which one should I pick here - I don't know....this thing is a joke why not just have a lottery for these 2 spots?!? Anyways, of course I pick B and do it super quick. They give the answer, and I am a little curious to see whether the price is right is clever enough to throw in B just to [censored] everyone up. No they're not B is the correct answer. About half is elated to hear that, but several people (I'd guess about 20% of the people) are visibly disappointed. Seriously?!? People aren't that stupid.

Question 2 is the same thing, except A and B are the rounded-off ones and C the odd one out. Of course I get it right, and super quick again. I'm getting a little excited because I'm quick on the draw and have got 2 right. They take a poll of hands to see who's got the first 2 right, and about 1/4 of the crowd puts up their hand, and about 7/10 puts their hand up when asked if they got 1 wrong (yeah it doesn't equal 1).

Third question is the same, with B the abnormality. At this time I learn my g/f got one wrong. Hahahahahahahaha. Anyways I absolutely slaughter the 3 questions, and about 20 people put their hands up when asked if they got all 3 right. Wow. "Good luck Chris" my g/f says. I need it.

So they say the first guy's name - rob something, and tell him to "come on down". Uh oh one more try - then the rod roddy guy says:

"And our second contestant on the showcase showdown - would Chris....tine somethingorother please come on down"

I throw my handheld thing on the ground. "[censored] that this is [censored] why drag out the christine [censored]" and I'm kinda choked, and then I realize - I GOT [censored] SLOWROLLED AT THE PRICE IS RIGHT! What a joke.

So the 2 players get the same showcase, and if they get within 1000 they got the whole showcase - if not whoever is closest without going over gets a fridge only. The showcase consists of the fridge, dinner for 2 at bally's steakhouse, a bar set, and a NEW CHEVROLET COBALT WOWOWOWOOOWOW! I was shocked to see the car in there. So the 2 players write down their answers, and the host puts them on the screens in front of each of them.

The guy put 25,000, and the woman put 17,500 I believe. Now, if you know the price of this car you add like 1300-1500 to it and that'd be your answer. I have no clue what it's worth, and I have no guess. Looking back I'd have probably guessed the car was worth about 15,900, but at the time I had no clue. The woman's answer seemed reasonable to me, and the guy is out to lunch.

So the total amount is 18,974 or something like that. So she's off by 1400 and change and gets the fridge. I'd feel choked, especially when you hear 18,000 and figure you have 1/2 chance of being within 1000. Oh well it's not me, and I'm still mad about not being picked to go up. Anyways, they say that they'll be out to take pictures with the crowd, and my g/f wants a pic with the rod roddy wannabe, so we stand out there and wait a little.

Then they come out - the 2 guys and the 2 prize models. Holy [censored] these girls are HOT! Way hotter than the ones on the actual show! Solid 9s, both of them. My g/f notices me looking at them and asks me if I want to get a picture with them. I say sure - she doesn't like that much and I don't get my picture. No hot models for me. They wanted me too! Obviously....

second half of Wednesday later tonight

[grando]

well we just got done at the Price is Right, and I've pretty much forgotten about the slowroll (the models diverted my attention ). But now I'm hungry. So we head down to the Bally's basement mall and eat at some deli. Keep in mind we're still not really talking, so the long walk is kinda weird. Oh well I don't really care (we're in VEGAS!) and we finally get there. I don't remember the name of it, and I wish I did (so that I could tell you never to go there). My philly cheesesteak sandwich was small and had little flavour. My g/f's turkey sandwich was dry and had NO flavour. Each sandwich was about 10 bucks (most expensive I'd seen yet), but a bottle of dasani water was FOUR BUCKS?!?!? It was of the 1 litre variety, but 4 bucks? I was absolutely floored (once again, not because of the actual money, but FOUR BUCKS!!!!). This diet cream soda that we got (which was absolutely delicious) was less than 2. What a joke dasani is. 3/10

Walking through the mall, my g/f gets asked if she wants a free sample. (please don't take it please don't take it please don't take it). "Sure". [censored]. So they pull her into the store of course and give her the standard spiel trying to selling her this stuff. They are extremely aggressive, and I feel uncomfortable just standing there. It wasn't a very good experience, but I can't say it wasn't expected. We finally leave, and I make a comment about how it's going to be like this everywhere they give out free samples. She seems receptive so that's good.

25 steps later someone with 2 forms asks us if we want to help preview a new hollywood tv series. My g/f is like "wow it'd be SO interesting to see a show and be the reason that it's actually on tv". I agree in my head (hey it WOULD be cool!), but tell her that I don't want to spend 2 hours watching tv in vegas (unless it's that impersonator of course). I also see that the 2 "mainstream" shows that they claim have been done like this before, Will and Grace and Caroline in the City, are terrible. We move on.

Since I didn't get to do any gamb0000ling yesterday (well just a little), I want to start this day off well. Off to the sportsbook baby! I am interested in one game really - the Calgary/Anaheim game 7 NHL game. I go in expecting to toss down like 20 bucks on Calgary, and cheer the hell out of them.

But then I remember 2 years ago when they went all the way to the Cup finals. This team was my life until I was 18 - then I lost interest in the NHL (like 95% of people). Then the Flames get on fire and everyone starts jumping on the bandwagon. I get pissed off, and cheer against them in the finals (although www.flamesgirls.com [NSFW] was a very, very nice outcome of this huge run). So I say "[censored] THEM I'M BETTING ON THE DUCKS!" Toss down a 50 for them to win straight up. 125 for 50 would be nice. Well one game isn't fun - how about the over/under? It's 5 - over please. WTF ONLY ONE GAME I'M NO GAMB00000LER WHO ARE THE JAYS PLAYING? Boston eh? 50 more on Halladay beating Beckett. O/U 9? Under please. Keep in mind I've never been to a sportsbook before, and have no clue what the hell I'm doing:

Me: Um, I want to bet some games
Sportsbook Lady: Ok
Me: Did you want to know which ones?
Lady: Ok
(thanks for being so helpful)
Me: Well (trying to look at the odds on the screen) - I'd like Calgary to beat Anaheim straight up, and take the over.
Lady: Is that hockey?
Me: Yes - 50 bucks on each
Lady: That's a lot of money (WTF). Do you know the odds on the game?
Me: Ummmmm not really
Lady: You want a parlay, right?
Me: No thank you - separate please
(lady rolls her eyes)
Lady: Well that's how you make your money
(what the hell first texas hold em bonus and now sportsbetting? I keep mental note of the number of times this statement or similar ones are spoken to me by some casino employee for the rest of the trip)
Me: Separate is good thanks
(Lady looks around a few minutes for a sheet of paper and enters something in computer - I realize I should have said something like +285 just to irritate her)
Lady: Anything else?
Me: Yeah - 50 on the Jays winning, and the under please
Lady: Is that baseball?
Me: Um yeah (I'm too intimidated to make a sarcastic comment about a parlay)
(lady takes another 3 minutes to get another sheet of paper, and grumbles to a worker beside her - presumably about me)
Lady: Here you go
Me: ...... (and leave)

Well we're done. I immediately regret the over pick in the hockey game, but what can you do? "I can't believe you're spending $50 a game on sports betting". "Gotta spend money to make money". I contemplate mentioning that my total amount of bets is higher than her vegas bankroll but I don't. I laugh to myself.

We go back to the Aladdin mall - I'm kinda tired, so I decide to get a drink from Fat Tuesdays. For those who don't know, Fat Tuesdays is this place which has a ton of mixed, fruity drinks already in slurpee-like machines, which you get in big novelty glasses. I like drinking! Wait a second YOU CAN GET EXTRA SHOTS FOR A BUCK?!? SIGN ME UP! So I get the biggest cup full of strawberry margarita, and 3 extra shots, for like 13 bucks. The g/f gets a smaller drink, with 2 shots extra. I talk her down to 1 extra. Save the fighting till later. First, rough sex.

Did I mention that I like drinking? Anyways this drink is easily over a litre - better mow it down! Wow this place has a TV SWEET! Wow the Jays/Sox game is on, and it's the only TV! There's no shopping happening while I sit on this stool SWEET!!!! I VEGAS! The g/f takes off shopping - this is the first time I've been alone (other than at separate tables in the poker room). Livin' large!

Hmmmmm 3-3 in the bottom of 3....this doesn't seem right. Then I notice that the field is in terrible shape, and that it's been raining on and off all day. Everyone's running all over the place. [censored]!! Bye-bye under. Oh well, at least it was my least paying ticket of the 4. This is going through my head when it's still 3-3 in the bottom of 3. Oh well drinky drinky drinky mmmmmmm. So I take down 2/3 of this drink before the g/f gets back.

Me: How'd the shopping go?
Her: Well, I just walked around the .... what the hell you're done that much already? (an astonished, not rude, tone)
Me: Um.... (I look at the ball game it's 1 out in the top of 4) .... yeah
Her: Well let's go shopping
Me: Alright....(thinking I totally got out of shopping for the day - pwned)

So the g/f's getting nice, partly due to the sweet, sweet taste of rum, and partly cause she's horny methinks. SCORE! Unfortunately we have shopping to do. So we go to a couple of shops (bebe, bebe sport, a couple other ones I don't remember) and don't really find anything. I watch my g/f change in one of the rooms while sitting outside. SCORE! I'm feeling pretty good right about now - I love drinking. Anyways, she ends up buying a shirt from bebe sport. Good work. So we go to the Aladdin sportsbook to see how the games are going.

The Jays are up 4-3 in the bottom of 7. This makes me happy! Anaheim/Calgary is 0-0 starting the second. Not so happy. Then the Bosox go double, grounder getting guy to third, popout. Well that's ok - 2 outs, a guy on third, and I have no clue who's up. Of course he hits this cheap-ass single and the guy scores.

I can still push this O/U bet it's still good it's still good. Bam double down the right field line and the fielder slip and slides all over the place. Score 5-4 boston. My g/f laughs when they score. This kinda pisses me off - "why are you laughing?". "You shouldn't bet money you're not expected to lose". WTF is that? It's 50 bucks but thanks Gamblers' Anonymous. I decide to let it go. "[censored] Jays why do they always have to choke get Tom Henke back what a joke". Anyways I notice that Anaheim is up 1-0 so that's good.

Then my g/f gets a 10 massage from the street masseurs/masseuses. No hot ones so I decide to go look around. I get some dried mango from this hawaiian shop. I have my paws on hawaiian punch but leave it at the front counter. They don't sell it at home anymore, but I remember how good it is! I notice 3 girls staring at me as I pass them on the way back - yep I've still got it! The g/f's done her massage so we go back to the room to get ready for supper.

So we get back to the room, I throw the g/f on the bed and we have rough sex. Yeah this is more like it. She's pretty good in bed, and yeah that's about all I'm going to say about it (ie. it was pretty quick). I needed this. 8.5/10. She gets ready for supper while I search the tv for the ball game.

WOOOOOO it's on! Jays are up 7-6 in the bottom of 9! The sex must have been really quick....oh Well my O/U bet is done but the Jays can still win! BJ Ryan is in! His teammates make errors and pass balls, but somehow he pulls it out in the end. Up a buck altogether! SWEET ASS SWEET! +$1! Let's check on hockey - wait a second the hockey game isn't on. Great. Oh well I'll watch sportscentre and get the score that way. WTF they don't show the NHL score for over 10 minutes at the bottom of the screen. There's only like 15 total baseball games and maybe 2 basketball - how come it's taking so long?!? Stupid ESPN. Anyways, finally I see it, and it says ANAHEIM 3 CALGARY 0! SHIP IT! Anaheim winning >> O/U. 2+2 wannabe up $26 bucks in his sportsbetting career. 1/2 of a bet in 4 games - that looks like 12.5 bets/100! Clearly sustainable.

So anyways, I'm plenty pleased about this victory, and the g/f gets out of the shower:

Me: The Flames lost - I'm up 26 bucks! (saying the guy tossing down 25/hand at bj)
Her: So that means you win 2 out of 4? That's only 50%.
Me: But I made money!
Her: Well that guy on that movie (Two for the Money) was right 80% of the time
Me: No one in the world is right 80% of the time
Her: I could be
Me: Ok - did you want me to cash these tickets now, to save time later?
Her: Do whatever you want (sounded pissed that I was gonna leave without her)
Me (thinking she's kinda mad): Well, I'll just take care of it later - is that alright?
Her: I told you to do whatever you want - going now makes much more sense doesn't it?
Me: Well yeah, that's why I brought....
Her: Stop being an idiot
Me: ...it up in the first place - I don't appreciate being called an idiot
Her: Then don't say stupid things
Me: ....
Me: I'm going

Not really a fight, but it gets me onto the casino floor by myself! Everything's coming up Milhouse! Off to some $25 blackjack. I tell myself that I have time for 2 shoes (double-deck) before I need to get back up to the room.

To my right is a 40 year old asian guy who has a strategy card and is looking at it the whole time. While I let the shoe play through, the dealer, a 40 year old caucasian man, bugs him every time he refers to the card. He's betting $15/hand. For some reason I find it absolutely hilarious to see an asian man not wanting to gamb0000l while the white guy wants him to open it up. Where's the paigow table when you need it?

I also notice that he's dealing the cards face-up. The [censored] impersonator TELLS ME that they deal single and double-deck BJ FACE DOWN! I was really looking forward to playing blackjack where he deals them face down (played it once in a Michigan casino on the Sault Ste. Marie border). It was kick-ass fun. Face-up is rigged, rigged for whitey. Damn whitey (fwiw I'm white). If I'm gonna drop cash money to your casino I want to TOUCH THE [censored] CARDS! I now plan to win.

Anyways, to the blackjack - I don't give them my rewards card again ([censored] this thing is annoying - why can't I just have a chip imbedded in my skin for them to scan?). Oh well more free stuff I don't like. I drop down 4 bills this time, and am playing a quarter a hand. First hand I get soft 19 vs dealer 6 - for those that remember, not doubling this down cost me 400 bucks in a BBV BJ tiltathon. So I ask mr. gamb0000l whether I can double this down (he had 12). "No double card say no", pointing emphatically to the card. The dealer clearly wants me to gamb000l (as do I) but I end up staying. 6-9-11 ([censored]) 17. Of course my double down would have won me double for the hand (next card out was a 9), AND the asian guy would've won. Where are the crazy gamb0000000ling asians that would GIVE me a quarter to double behind me, DROOLING about how much easy money they were about to make? Or the greeks! They double any ace against anything. I ask him if he likes money. He doesn't reply. WHERE ARE YOU MATTSUSPECT?!?!?

Anyways, 7 shoes later I'm up about 200 (a couple of blackjacks and playing the change for the dealer), get dealt the AJ against a 4, tell them I'm done, and tip him the 12.50. I notice the asian guy is up to 40 bucks a hand. GAMB0000000L! He gets blackjack when I'm leaving. Moral of story - asians never lose.

So I cash in my chips and my sportsbook tickets for a cool 300 dollar profit (or somewhere around there). I contemplate throwing a 50 on 1-12 at roulette. I don't. 33. I like money!

Now I head up to the room - I realize upon walking up that real time is probably 5 times longer than casino time. Since I figure I was down there for 15 minutes, it was almost certainly over an hour. I'm not looking forward to the talk we're gonna have. So I get into the room, and she's still in the washroom getting ready. Sweet. I ask her how much longer till she's done, she says she's almost done. Wow best night ever - free money, rough sex, and best of all, gumble 2 gumble is back on the air.

So we finally head out - we walk to the Mirage for the California Pizza Kitchen. Walking is for losers. Next time I come to Vegas I'm definitely getting a rental car. I'm losing way too much $$$$$ not playing blackjack by walking around everywhere.

Like I said before, I really like the ambience of the Mirage - the restaurant is pretty much on the edge of the casino floor, but you can still see people playing the slots. The only thing better than gamb00ling yourself is watching someone else do it! So we order some shrimp dumplings and the spinach and artichoke dip to start. The dumplings were great, but 6 for 8 bucks seems pretty steep. The dip is mediocre at best. We also ordered a jamaican jerk pizza, which had tons of chicken, scallions, and something else. It was awesome! Not eating the crusts = +EV. Total bill was about 30 bucks. Solid 8/10. By this time we're not fighting, and being quite amicable to each other. This is nice.

My g/f wants to play poker at one of the casinos on the back of our players cards. Hmmmm so we've got Paris, Bally's, Caesars, Harrah's, the Horseshoe, and Flamingo. Paris, Harrah's, and Bally's don't appeal to us, the Horseshoe is a million miles away, so it looks like the Flamingo. I'm not really happy about this (I want to play at the MGM or Wynn, both places which we thought didn't have 2/4 - of course the MGM does ), but don't really care either way.

I really don't want to play 2/4 with the g/f, so it looks like it's 1/2NL. 200 max - seems like a pretty good game! Here's the lineup:

seat 1: decent player from Ireland who's a good guy and we talk between/during hands
seat 2: me
seat 3: east indian girl (5/10), who bets when she has the nuts or near-nuts, calls otherwise (as per the irish guy telling me)
seat 4: tight/passive physically disabled white guy in scooter
seat 5: semi loose/aggressive young guy who doesn't play well - has about 600
seat 6: random loose/passive white guy
seat 7: seat 6's friend/clone
seat 8: super drunk LAG armenian guy who has at least 1000 in front of him
seat 9: some random guy
seat 10: LAG greek guy who has 800 in front of him

I buy in for 200 and hilarity ensues about an orbit in:

Armenian (to Greek): I'll bet you your whole stack that I've made more than you in blackjack today
Greek: ok
(the dealer stops dealing - everyone's like "how the hell are you going to prove this bet")
Armenian: 12,000 (pulls a number out of his ass)
Greek: 25,000 (LOL)
Armenian: YOU LIE! WHY YOU TELL ME LIE LIKE THAT!
Greek: no lie
Armenian: Ok heads up (I thought this existed only on the internet) for stack - I'll take your stack with 100
Greek: Why not all money?
Armenian: I only need 100 to take all your money
Greek: ok let's play
Armenian: on the floor, I have cards
(floor comes over)
Floor: sir, you can't play cards on the floor
Armenian: why not I have own cards
Floor: sir, the gaming commission won't allow that
Armenian: [censored] gaming commission
Floor: please don't swear in the poker room sir
(Armenian mumbles something in another language and they both sit back down)

The armenian raises to 90 blind in MP and noone plays (84 for me). Next hand the same thing - I see K9o and start drooling. Folded to me and I'm ready to push, but the girl to my left is ready to push in her 50 bucks. I'm not happy. I fold. She ends up doubling up with AK vs 94. She started with 40 bucks, went down to 25, and is now up to 100. Armenian guy doesn't miss a step - he raises again, this time to 55 blind (just picked up a bunch of chips and tossed them in). seat 5 calls. everyone else folds. Armenian raises to 150, guy calls.

Flop comes J73

check, check (seat 5 in position)

Turn comes 6

Seat 5 pushes all in for ~ 450 more into pot of 300, Armenian thinks and thinks and thinks....and finally calls. Seat 5 flips over JJ.

seat 5: YEAH HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT I'M GONNA TAKE ALL THAT MONEY
Armenian: [censored] I have no outs [censored] this (doesn't flip over his cards)
seat 5: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

River 5

Seat 5 gets his hands around the pot and starts taking it in.

Armenian: LOOK LOOK STRAIGHT I HAVE STRAIGHT [censored] YOU I TAKE ALL MONEY

He flips over 42o and rakes this 1200 pot with the rivered gutshot

Seat 5 (absolutely shocked): ......
Armenian: how you like that I have all your money
Seat 5 (sitting there with no money in front of him with his head down - hilarious!): .....
Armenian: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
Seat 5: you [censored] called 450 bucks with a gutshot??!?! A GUTSHOT! YOU [censored] DONKEY
(Armenian pushes down the stacks that he'd been working on building)
Armenian: all this money can't stack just falls down
(everyone at table laughs)
Seat 5: a [censored] gutshot
(the floor is standing there from all the commotion)
Floor (to Seat 5): please get up sir, this man wants your seat
Seat 5: [censored] gutshot you're terrible

So this guy gets up off the table but starts railbirding while a seemingly tight/passive asian guy takes his spot. He keeps on yelling at the Armenian guy, but he gets ignored. Maybe this no-limit is better than I thought!

So the table calms down for a little while. But the Armenian and Greek guy start jawing again after the Greek guy won a small pot. So the Armenian put 45 in blind to coerce the Greek to play against him. He folds. I find 99 and raise it to 120 (he won't call an all in, but will call pretty much anything else), planning to push the rest in (80) on any flop. The girl to my left gets mad and hesitates and then folds. Armenian calls.

Flop T92

He checks, I push, he thinks and folds

Girl gets pissed off and says she folds TT. Tough luck.

Anyways play keeps on going - an hour later this girl has over 500 in front of her by massively sucking out and getting paid off. Armenian still has over 1300 in front of him. Another table breaks up and a new guy (friends with seat 1) with 900 comes and sits in the newly open seat 6. After an orbit this hand happens:

Armenian posts 100 blind UTG, folded to seat 6 (I had 93s) who raises to 300, Armenian calls.

Flop comes J72

check, seat 6 bets 200, Armenian calls

Turn 9

check, check

River Q

Armenian bets 150, seat 6 minraises to 300, Armenian calls

seat 6 flips over AA
Armenian mucks

Absolutely terrible play and seat 6 drags a 1600 pot. I'm jealous. Armenian says "nice hand".

Armenian proceeds to donk away the rest of his money in the next 5 hands, and is now BUSTO. I'm mad cause I'm even and everyone else has his money. After he busts the game pretty much breaks up, and I decide to quit up 2 dollars. The floor gets it when he cashes in my money.

Looking at my g/f - she's up about 40 bucks. I tell her that I'm done, and I wait for her to finish her orbit. I realize now how she makes her money. She's selectively friendly to nice people and bitchy to people the rest of the table hate, and they pretty much give her free money. Example:

The turn comes 8796r and she raises someone's bet. Some other guy coldcalls her raise, saying "I know you've got the straight but I want to see it". First guy folds. River blanks off, she bets he calls and she shows her obvious 10 high straight. Guy flips over ace-high and tells her "I knew you had it". Wow I wish I was a girl. Some other guy proceeds to tip her a buck after the hand. She takes it. I don't know how I feel about it.

Anyways she gets up (up 60 bucks) and we leave - she gets ANOTHER tip when she gets up from a different guy, and she takes that as well. WTF. Talk about free money. I wonder what she would do if I took "tips" from other female players. I hate double-standards.

So we walk back to the hotel and I'm starving. We can't find somewhere to eat, so we decide on room service. The prices are cheap for room service and I don't really care. So we decide on a bbq burger with avocado on it with onion rings and chicken salad criossant. Solid eats but not stellar. Onion rings sucked. The burger was shockingly good. 7.5/10.

We turn on some channel and watch the news for 1/2 hour. Do they even report news here? What a joke - the whole program was about feel-good stories and random BS from around the world. Just like "Bart's People". I wonder if this is how American local news is. I hope not.

So we go to bed (in the same bed) and are both in pretty good moods. If I'm lucky I can pull off morning sex. I can only hope. FWIW, this is my least favourite day so far - not enough real gambling. I'll make up for it tomorrow.

[edfurlong]

I read half of this before I realized I've read it before. I'm dumb. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[grando]

So I lied – there will be 3 more trip reports. 2 for Thursday and 1 for Friday. These things are [censored] long! I'll end this somewhat mediocre one just before the Blue Man Group, and write the later, significantly more eventful one tomorrow.

So this is Thursday – we're in definitely no hurry to do anything, but have something at 7:30. So what better way for a guy and a girl to start it off than with heterosexual sex? I agree – and so did the g/f. Solid 8/10 – I should have went to the washroom first though. I know better. However, I am smart enough to leave a towel near the bed! I then think of who's used the bed before us, and whether they got a towel. I am also smart enough to stop thinking about it right then, and go into the shower.

I get out and brush my teeth, and get ready to open another bottle of the hotel mouthwash. “Can't go wrong with Listerine” I say aloud, juggling 3 of the 16 housekeeping brought in a big bag the day previous. “What the [censored]....” as I notice one of the bottles has something weird about it. “...this isn't Listerine – it's ListerMINT!” [censored] YOU BALLY'S LISTERMINT? NO ALCOHOL? (no wonder I'm not drunk yet). I'm not very pleased. I then look at the TV to see whether it's a Panaphonic or Sorny. Displeased again. I watch some of that black sitcom with the school principal who's kind of a loser who tries to get the hot vice-principal or something. It sucks. Time to go.

We're planning to eat just after 5, and being nearly 3 already we don't have much time. Not much time?!? You know what that means!!! TURBOGAMBLING! And the only way you TURBOGAMBLE is to play more than 1 hand at once! BLACKJACK SWITCH OMG! Casino Royale here I come! So we walk into the door, and see margaritas on for A DOLLAR!! If I know drinking, which I do, these dollar margaritas will be full of alcohol. I tell the g/f that I can get a way better drink at the table when I'm playing, for FREE! Apparently girls think paying $ > free, but don't tip any extra. I chalk it up to stubbornness. She buys 2. I think a Slurpee has more alcohol than this bad-boy. Oh well it's tasty. Time for $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$!

Blackjack switch is a sweet game; I wonder why more strip casinos don't spread it. That's all I'd play (until I found a way cooler game later on in the trip!!!). Anyways, the actual gambling of $10/hand (2x10) was quite uneventful, and I was up 10 bucks after an hour or so. It's times like this where I wished I'd have my gamb000ling friends to get drunk with and prop bet against. My g/f didn't even gamble (other than poker). This definitely isn't going to work out in the long term. I contemplate playing a little video poker, but she won't even play that. Wow this is fun. I Vegas gamb000ling by myself.

So for supper we go to the Bellagio buffet. I think it's like 27 bucks or something. We get seated and I order an MGD and the g/f orders Kokanee. Me: “Um I don't think they'll have Kokanee (a Canadian beer) here”. G/f: “Sure they will”. Server: “What's Kokanee?” Me: “Order a Coors”. G/f: “Can I get a Canadian?” Server: “Sorry”. G/f: “Ok I'll get a Coors Light”. Stubborn.

So we get up to the buffet and it's amazing! Like nothing I've ever seen before! I get my plate and go searching....whoa they have like 15 chefs standing behind each row of food. This pork tenderloin looks good, oh and this curried beef. Yeah let's throw on some sliced buffalo. Hmmmm rice – I dunno. No. This satay beef looks good too! WTF FRIED CHICKEN? Is Tiger gonna be here? [/fuzzy zoeller]. One of these things is not like the others. So I end up getting about 12 varieties of meat and go back to the table. I start eating/drinking before the g/f gets back. Nothing tastes better than meal booze.

So this food is pretty good – then the g/f mentions that there's A WHOLE OTHER SIDE?!?! WOWOOWWOW MORE MEAT! I don't believe her, but don't say it aloud. After I go I can always say “no you were wrong I went everywhere already”, making myself feel big and smart. So I leave my plate there and put the fork/knife on my napkin. I then see that they have 2 of each set before you even eat! Clean utensils for your second plate – I bet if God ate at a buffet it'd be this one. And there wouldn't be rice.

So I look and there's a totally extra side with totally different items! Jackpot! So I eat another 2 pounds of various animals, add a little pasta for colour, and get ready for dessert. Hmmmm apple pie, cheesecake, and some mystery pie. All 3 were decent, but not great. I give the meal a 7/10 in total. The g/f gave it a 9. She tends to give things 9s when they're only 7s. I hear the Rio's buffet is even better. Someone please inform me on this. We pay and tip and leave. She forgets her purse, but we are chased down by a waitress. It works out great.

We get to the Venetian, and smell the stupid air freshener. God is it disgusting. I bet Helen Keller likes it though. We have about ½ hour to kill, so we wander the casino floor. Right when I get in I have an urge to play SUPA FUN WHEEL! I have no [censored] clue what it is. I don't think it even exists in the real gaming world. I just heard about it somewhere, and it sounded awesome at the time! Just the name makes you wanna play. It's SUPA FUN!!!

Anyways we get to a casino war table. I don't know about this – it doesn't require the skill of blackjack, the ESP of roulette, or the ability to switch of BLACKJACK SWITCH. Come on, War? You don't even get to fight the casino. Oh well – I get ready to sit down and play. I am apprehensive because I didn't check the wizardofodds website for the optimal strategy. It seems kinda complicated. I finally get my chips, but then my g/f gets ID'd for the 5th time this trip. She fumbles around and can't find her ID?!? YOU ALREADY GOT KICKED OUT OF 2 CASINOS BRING YOUR [censored] ID HOW HARD IS IT?!? So we have to leave, and she is extremely embarrassed. I don't care, cause I wanted to play!

So we keep walking around, even though she's not allowed to, and 5 minutes later she finds her ID. Good work. I don't really feel like going back now, cause I'm a little pissed off that she's such an idiot. But she wants to go back and prove that she's of regular age. What the hell does that do? No one cares, especially me. But she goes back and shows them her ID. Stupid attention wheure. I am disappointed that I didn't play some casino war, but still more mad that my g/f is an idiot. Oh well.

Tomorrow I will start with the Blue Man Group and work from there – sorry for the abrupt ending.

[grando]

start of the new stuff:


So it's about 6:30 and the show starts at 7:00 (or we get to the theatre at 7 and it starts at 7:30) - regardless we're 1/2 hour early. That's fine though - I need to sit down and perhaps enjoy a beverage while waiting. First we go to our seats though. Hmmmm these are pretty sweet seats. The first thing I notice is that our seats don't have a plastic hoodie on it. [censored]! Wait a second - my inexplicably sober self tells me that this is probably a good thing. It is at this point that I contemplate going and getting a drink - of course I'm way too lazy to do that. So we sit and chat for a little bit while people-watching. From the crowd it looked like this was a NASCAR race - beer t-shirts and dirty jeans all over the place. Of course there were some people that weren't staying at the El Dorado watching, but they seemed few and far between. This astonished me at the Venetian.

At this point, please be reminded that there are undoubtedly going to be minor spoilers about the show here, so if you don't like that squint your eyes and look for key words like "drunk", "slots o' fun", "drinking" - you know, fun words. Anyways, on to the show.

We also noticed before the show started that there were little LED scrolly things along the top right and top left walls. Initially they were used to tell people about no cameras, no leaving during the show, etc. But then they started getting creative (creative in the sense that it was almost certainly the same for every show, but I digress) by making it interactive by wishing certain people "happy birthday" and inducing the crowd to wish them one too, and getting more funny as they went along. It was moderately funny, and somewhat clever. ***Disclaimer*** I am really looking forward to this show - I dunno if that makes me ghey, but if it does, ram me up the ass right now. Who knows, I might like it.

So the show starts with 3 guys beating coloured drums (it might have been 1 then 2 then 3, or 2 then 3, or 3 then 2 then 1 - hell it could have been 3 the whole [censored] time) - regardless there was a lot of drum beating by 3 guys. Colours in the sky, interesting music, and yes, drum beating. This escalated into the beating of other objects - pipes, um....well just a variety of things. Use your imagination. Meh, that sounds like too much work. There are some other cool visual illusions going on as well. Oh, and they give you earplugs - probably cause it's loud or something? I didn't use mine - mostly cause I couldn't get them in my ears. Man I'm retarded.

Then they started bringing a couple "volunteers" on the stage. These people were almost certainly pre-screened, as they seemed to know a little too much about what was going on. Anyways, the group started doing little skits with these volunteers, and they were pretty funny. Not Borat-laugh-out-loud funny, but random-guy-pushing-wheelchair-and-ramming-him-into-curb-quiet-inside-laughter funny. Of course the kids would laugh at stuff like a funny face one of the guys was doing - "mom look you spent 100 bucks on this moderately clever display on me, your 5 year old kid who doesn't even know who his real dad is - you are smart, and probably slooty". I dunno why, but I really hate kids, but not their slooty moms. But I digress.

Anyways, the show goes on - it's getting kind of tiresome because there's only so much musical drumming you can fit into 2 hours. I mean, I watched Stomp the musical and they at least danced, and had dancing girls on stage. Wait, maybe it was just guys. Ruh roh. Anyways, back to girls - my g/f was liking the show, but you could see she was getting tired of it too. Then for some reason a TON of tissue paper came out of the rafters. I don't mean 'I gotta blow my nose' type of tissue - I'm talking about 'Peter North just blew his load on 12 sloots' type of tissue. And it was our job to bring the paper to the front so that Peter could clean himself up. Or something more artistic - I can't remember. Anyways, this goes on for a good 15 minutes - and this was undoubtedly a huge downer for me towards the show. I came here to be non-interactive. I mean, if you wanted me to do something, at least make it interesting. My g/f ate it up though - she was so excited! Ok, good for you - I make a mental note to buy a pack of Downy toilet paper to entertain her while I'm 8-tabling.

Soon after that the show was over - the beginning was great, and there were some quality spots within the show. Overall though, I was expecting a little more. I gave it a 7.5, but would have given it 8.5 had the tissue thing not been involved. As for if I had to pay for it again, I probably wouldn't - relative to other shows we could have seen I think there are many others that could have used my money. I mean, $100 is like what, 1 hand of casino war? Well 10 for ALMUSTOs like me.

K so we get out of the theatre from different doors than we came in from, and we have absolutely no clue where the hell we are going. I mean, how can you get lost in a casino?!? Once you are two steps away from anywhere where you can spend money, I'm sure the casino twists the rest of the room around so that they veer your $$$$ towards them. For some reason they don't want our money. Anyways, we're looking for a bathroom, and after wandering around the V mall (I think it was the mall anyways) we find this super sketchy area with 2 vending machines and washrooms. It seemed so out of place from the rest of the hotel - there were no canals here. It seemed like we were at a bus station - a nice bus station with classy, debutante, bus station skanks - but a bus station nonetheless. So we go to the washroom, get some water and a lemonade from the machine after spending 5 minutes trying dollar bill after dollar bill - god loonies are so much better than stupid dollar bills. Man - this clear, non alcoholic liquid is pretty tasty! Just the refreshment we need to get to the strip!

[grando]

[ QUOTE ]
what

edit: ok I skim read, bury gf find new one.

[/ QUOTE ]

you don't skim read this