trip report: I muff-punt some stupid bizatch

[mbillie1]

As I was posting my response to the "how do I get diarrhea?" thread, cackling with humanitarian glee at my unmatched ability to offer successful advice about inducing diarrhea, I had an incident.

I work in an office. Or at least, I sit in an office. I also fart a lot, mostly because I drink red bull and mountain dew constantly. Some bitchy little twig of a crackhead mom and her nasty, poo-stained daughter wandered in. Right away I can tell this is gonna be trouble.

Mom: "My daughter needs to use the bathroom"
Me: "Sorry, this is an office, you're going to have to find a bathroom someplace else."
Mom: "I don't f'in care, my daughter needs a bathroom!!!!"
Me: (I stand up, turn around and fart right on her daughter's face)
Mom: "WTF LET ME SEE YOUR MANAGER!!!!!"

At this point I decided that the situation had gone far enough. I took a few steps back (to get a running start) and muff-punted this bitch all out into traffic, where some busted-ass jalopy with rims driven by a hood-rat in a doo-rag ran her stupid ass over. BOOM HEADSHOT! Then her daughter started to cry, so I sharted on her face, then drop-muff-punted her through the plate-glass window of the place across the street, which happens to sell knives and gasoline. Once she was cut up and soaked in gasoline, I lit my lighter, held it to my ass, and farted a massive fireball, englufing her in flames.

edit: I forgot the rest of the story, because I was busy making sweet love to her:



I pwn

[Baloosh]

But where's the part where you whistle for a cab and when it came near the license plate etc. etc.?

[TheBo]

nh, well played on all streets

[mbillie1]

I whistled for a cab, but when it came it got engulfed in my fart-fireball along with the poo-stained child, destroying it forever, imo

[The Hag]

[ QUOTE ]
I whistled for a cab, but when it came it got engulfed in my fart-fireball along with the poo-stained child, destroying it forever, imo

[/ QUOTE ]

nice story imo and nice picture of a pineapple too, although I'm not sure about its relevance to your story.

[Georgia Avenue]

oh that girl oh me oh my.

[I_AM_EVIL]

It looks like I'm not the only one that's been awake for way too many hours and not come across as being "special."

[kylephilly]

Sounds like your acehole must burn alot

[kylephilly]

also, redbull + the dew? just switch to coke fwiw

[Smell The Glove]

you seem nice