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#131
10-10-2007, 11:43 PM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] Hugs - No. He would like them big boobies pressing against his chest. I say he should keep 3' of air between him and another girl. [/ QUOTE ] Playing devil's advocate... Say he loved those boobies against him. So what? He gets his hug from a friend, a minor thrill from the boobies, and goes home to/with you (not sure in your mind if he's at a place with you or by himself). So, no harm done. He got a cheap, basically harmless thrill. Why would you care? Why should you be bothered? Say he went to a strip club and saw naked boobies. He again gets a basically harmless thrill and goes home to you. Do you care? And if so, why? [/ QUOTE ] my point is that sometimes there is harm being done. if you care about your partner, doing something like not going to a strip club or not having long embraces with other men/women shouldn't be a huge inconvenience. 
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#132
10-10-2007, 11:47 PM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
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People can get very attached and emotional over an "internet affair." It's because it's not real that's the problem. They create a "perfect" relationship by never having it intrude on real life. Surely you've heard of couples breaking up over ones attachment to someone over the internet? [/ QUOTE ] Dominic, You are wise. Yes people can get very nutty over internet relationships. Weird yah? Think about it, they don't know the other person, they may not even know what the person looks like, well unless there's a web cam or the flirty pics, (not that I'd do that mind you, I'm just saying [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]) and yet they fall head over heels. Those of us who hang around on a forum long enough witness it. It's insane I tell ya! I knew this one guy who was hopelessly in love and he kept wanting to get my take on this internet girl who he had fallen in love with. He kept analyzing and deconstructing every little thing she said (and he wanted me to analyze what she said) including the amount of time it took her to reply and why she was logged off for so many hours in a day, etc. It was nuts. I guess it speaks to the loneliness and romance in some of us that we are willing to go overboard on some anonymous person who we've never met, who we envision as probably way cooler than they really are. But in the end, isn't it mostly a fantasy in our own head and not a real relationship?
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#133
10-10-2007, 11:59 PM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
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I like it when I find someone I have a special connection with. [/ QUOTE ] Is there really that much difference? I don't think I would find it comforting if my girlfriend said, "Oh, I have a special connection with this guy but we don't touch". I doubt I would say, "cool. as long as you don't touch". And, if you have a special connection with some guy the chances are like 99% that he wants things to be physical. He might suppress it and he may act like a "gentlemen". But, he wants more. It is almost next to impossible for a guy to connect with a girl and not want to be physical with her (unless she is really ugly)".
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#134
10-11-2007, 12:01 AM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] Hugs - No. He would like them big boobies pressing against his chest. I say he should keep 3' of air between him and another girl. [/ QUOTE ] Playing devil's advocate... Say he loved those boobies against him. So what? He gets his hug from a friend, a minor thrill from the boobies, and goes home to/with you (not sure in your mind if he's at a place with you or by himself). So, no harm done. He got a cheap, basically harmless thrill. Why would you care? Why should you be bothered? Say he went to a strip club and saw naked boobies. He again gets a basically harmless thrill and goes home to you. Do you care? And if so, why? [/ QUOTE ] my point is that sometimes there is harm being done. if you care about your partner, doing something like not going to a strip club or not having long embraces with other men/women shouldn't be a huge inconvenience. [/ QUOTE ] The harm then isn't in the activity, but your perception of it? If it didn't bother you, there'd be no harm, right? I'll let it go though. Your answer is focusing on the emotional words "harm" and "inconvenience" rather than the inward questions of why you'd feel harmed by his seeing naked boobies at a strip club (what about naked boobies on TV?). I suspect either it hits too close to home or, like faith, it's an isssue where you just feel/believe what's right for you and a more abstract discussion has no value. FWIW, I completely agree with the bulk of the boundaries people have talked about and that it shouldn't be an inconvenience to avoid those issues you know will cause your partner discomfort/pain. I've never really said otherwise. My questions all delved into why do these issues bother us, what's really going on inside?
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#135
10-11-2007, 12:07 AM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] People can get very attached and emotional over an "internet affair." It's because it's not real that's the problem. They create a "perfect" relationship by never having it intrude on real life. Surely you've heard of couples breaking up over ones attachment to someone over the internet? [/ QUOTE ] Dominic, You are wise. Yes people can get very nutty over internet relationships. Weird yah? Think about it, they don't know the other person, they may not even know what the person looks like, well unless there's a web cam or the flirty pics, (not that I'd do that mind you, I'm just saying [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]) and yet they fall head over heels. Those of us who hang around on a forum long enough witness it. It's insane I tell ya! I knew this one guy who was hopelessly in love and he kept wanting to get my take on this internet girl who he had fallen in love with. He kept analyzing and deconstructing every little thing she said (and he wanted me to analyze what she said) including the amount of time it took her to reply and why she was logged off for so many hours in a day, etc. It was nuts. I guess it speaks to the loneliness and romance in some of us that we are willing to go overboard on some anonymous person who we've never met, who we envision as probably way cooler than they really are. But in the end, isn't it mostly a fantasy in our own head and not a real relationship? [/ QUOTE ] Of course it's a fantasy. That's why long-distance relationships are not a good idea, either...the couple get together every month for a long weekend, say, and they have a wonderful time and are so in love...well of course they are! They never gets an opportunity to be together on a day to day basis, dealing with all the crap that life has to offer. Instead, they only have their little vacations together and get to think the other person is perfect.
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#136
10-11-2007, 12:11 AM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
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Is there really that much difference? I don't think I would find it comforting if my girlfriend said, "Oh, I have a special connection with this guy but we don't touch". [/ QUOTE ] Good god you don't tell them you have a special connection Cobretti! I'm only telling you guys cuz, you know, it's an anonymous forum and I'm confiding. But hell no i wouldn't tell him that i had a connection with some engineer who recently left our office. You think I'm an idiot? The point is that a girl can have a "cool" friendship (i'm sick of the word *special*) without wanting to have an affair. I think that was the point but I'm sort of tired so I'm not really sure anymore what i was babbling about [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img].
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#137
10-11-2007, 12:11 AM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] Hugs - No. He would like them big boobies pressing against his chest. I say he should keep 3' of air between him and another girl. [/ QUOTE ] Playing devil's advocate... Say he loved those boobies against him. So what? He gets his hug from a friend, a minor thrill from the boobies, and goes home to/with you (not sure in your mind if he's at a place with you or by himself). So, no harm done. He got a cheap, basically harmless thrill. Why would you care? Why should you be bothered? Say he went to a strip club and saw naked boobies. He again gets a basically harmless thrill and goes home to you. Do you care? And if so, why? [/ QUOTE ] my point is that sometimes there is harm being done. if you care about your partner, doing something like not going to a strip club or not having long embraces with other men/women shouldn't be a huge inconvenience. [/ QUOTE ] The harm then isn't in the activity, but your perception of it? If it didn't bother you, there'd be no harm, right? I'll let it go though. Your answer is focusing on the emotional words "harm" and "inconvenience" rather than the inward questions of why you'd feel harmed by his seeing naked boobies at a strip club (what about naked boobies on TV?). I suspect either it hits too close to home or, like faith, it's an isssue where you just feel/believe what's right for you and a more abstract discussion is too uncomfortable. FWIW, I completely agree with the bulk of the boundaries people have talked about and that it shouldn't be an inconvenience to avoid those issues you know will cause your partner discomfort/pain. I've never really said otherwise. My questions all delved into why do these issues bother us, what's really going on inside? [/ QUOTE ] it doesn't make me uncomfortable, i just don't think it's something that can be explained precisely. i would feel harmed because i have the expectation of exclusivity. this expectation may very well be the result of insecurity, fear of loss, or w/e, but it exists none the less. a guy who wants the freedom to hit up a strip club w/his friends may have a different expectation, but for me emotional affection and physical desire begin to merge in a close relationship.
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#138
10-11-2007, 12:15 AM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] Is there really that much difference? I don't think I would find it comforting if my girlfriend said, "Oh, I have a special connection with this guy but we don't touch". [/ QUOTE ] Good god you don't tell them you have a special connection Cobretti! I'm only telling you guys cuz, you know, it's an anonymous forum and I'm confiding. But hell no i wouldn't tell him that i had a connection with some engineer who recently left our office. You think I'm an idiot? The point is that a girl can have a "cool" friendship (i'm sick of the word *special*) without wanting to have an affair. I think that was the point but I'm sort of tired so I'm not really sure anymore what i was babbling about [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]. [/ QUOTE ] I am kidding a bit to make a point. But, if you don't tell, they you are deceiving you partner by omission. Doesn't that make things worse? Also, I think a girl can have that connection without wanting it to go further but I don't think a guy can (again, unless the girl is ugly).
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#139
10-11-2007, 12:18 AM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
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But, if you don't tell, they you are deceiving you partner by omission. Doesn't that make things worse? [/ QUOTE ] No and no.
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#140
10-11-2007, 12:19 AM
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Re: Emotional Affairs
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Also, I think a girl can have that connection without wanting it to go further but I don't think a guy can (again, unless the girl is ugly). [/ QUOTE ] how does this follow?
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