Child Raising - Discipline issues

[Dids]

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This issue is one reason I think I will never have children.

I'm 28 and my parents beat the living hell out of me. Both my mother and my father, my father not as often but when he did it was pretty severe (cracked hip, ruptured cornea, broken rib) My mother on the other hand would torment a little and often use anything from tennis rackets to wiffle ball bats.


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Correct me if I'm wrong, but you were whipped with a belt as part of the Crimson Challenge, right?

This is really going to curtail my enjoyment of that video.

I was raised by hippies, so mostly timed out and talked to, but not hit. In part because as a kid I was big on "the rules" and never broke them. The only thing physical I an remember is my Dad slapping me when I was totally hysterical about something.

[adios]

A swat (not a hard one either) is arguably effective at very young ages to get a childs attention IMO. My experience was and is to refrain from using corporal punishment. The hitting in the face stuff is a definite no-no IMO. I was spanked but I grew up in a different period. I don't think it's a good way to go FWIW. Think about the times that you can remember getting spanked and think if an alternate form of discipline would have worked just as well or better.

[tsearcher]

I'm 44 with an immigrant mother who did %95 of all the physical punishment. Mostly with spoons or a rug beater, never on the face. I'm not violent at all. If any thing, a little meek. As I got older, maybe 4th or 5th grade, the corporal punishment wasn't really much of a threat. I liked to laugh at my Mom when she tried to hit me. On the other hand the loss of priveleges were a big deal. They became the only punishment by the time I was in Junior High.

My younger brother was a bit of a trouble maker and got a lot more beatings than me. Even my generally calm American Dad had to step in once in a while. Although I'm doing OK, my younger brother turned out to be hugely successful and even less violent than me.

I'm surprised that so many of you younger guys were still spanked as kids. I honestly thought that didn't really happen any more (in polite society anyway).

I never planned on having children so I can't comment on what I would do. But just from my own experience it doesn't seem like it's that big of a deal.

[Howard Treesong]

I was spanked as a child, but only very, very rarely -- and I richly deserved each and every one. My brother, about my age, got the same. My sister, ten years younger, was not ever hit. All three of us turned out fine -- strong, healthy marriages and pretty normal relationships.

I've spanked my older daugher, almost eight, exactly once. She entirely understands that in the right (very rare) circumstances, I'd do it again. I don't think it's useful as a commonplace remedy, but I do think children absolutely need to understand that there are consequeces to crossing certain lines. Those lines should be important ones (danger or really ridiculous conduct; I spanked my daughter after she bit me) but I do think they exist.

[tarheeljks]

1) yes, i was spanked as a child. it was sometimes w/a hand, sometimes with a belt, sometimes being slapped (usually if i was mouthing off), and sometimes with the closest object that would not seriously injure me.

2) i have no kids, but if i ever do it is highly likely that i will spank them as a form of punishment.

3) i'm of the opinion that just telling a child "no" or sending them to the corner for a few minutes is generally not an effective method of punishment, but it depends on the child. my sister who is almost 16 has never been spanked and my parents would have never needed to spank her (they wouldn't now even if she did something wrong), but this was not the case with my brother and i. we were not spanked every time we stepped out of line, but the threat of being spanked was enough that the imminent threat served as an excellent deterrent. i also think that equating spanking to child abuse is lol; at the time i may have thought that may parents were trying to kill me, but i never suffered any lasting physical effects from a spanking (w/the exception of an occasional welt, which faded after a few minutes)

i'm 22 for the record and am part of a younger crowd that generally probably wasn't spanked as much. however, i think spanking is certainly a cultural issue-- i'm black and i would estimate that basically all of my black friends (and definitely all of my relatives) were spanked, whereas very few of my white friends were spanked. maybe i'm way off w/that remark but i think it's worth noting.

[J.Brown]

i made a thread about this awhile back, it was good and enlightening, just as this one is........

1. i was spanked as a kid. actually for what a very very very good kid i was, i was punished very harshly at times as my father was strict and held me to high standards of behavior. the only thing i got in trouble for generally was some vague form of being disrespectful. i love my father and he is very mellow and cool these days and we have discussed that he was way way too hard on me growing up.

i was generally not spanked in anger, but occasionally that did happen. usually a wooden spoon until cried and it hurt.
generally knew why, but occasionally didn't think it was fair. my parents were both very loving though, if that makes sense. when the punishment was over it was over. back to loving their son, business as usual.

2. i have two sons that i will not spank. i don't think it to be needed or necessary.

3. in a sick sort of way i was glad i was raised strictly and spanked. my little bro was not. he was sick as a kid a bunch and ended up being a wild, law breaking hell raiser and a told problem for my parents simply from a lack of discipline. he is fine now though, lol, but my parents still talk about how difficult he was to raise. some of the stories are classic.

i never got in trouble, got great grades, had great friends, but was held to a very high standard of moral and respectful behavior towards older people and authority figures and i am ok with that now. cheers. J.

[lennytheduck]

I got spanked with a ping pong paddle when I got out of line until I was about ten or so. My parents always kept it on top of the refrigerator.

When I think back on it now I laugh because I can remember crying/pleading/arguing with them when I did something bad and then they'd get a look of total frustration/exhaustion on their face and start marching into the kitchen. It was at this point that I'd really start wailing and run an hide as quickly as possible.

My mom started guilt tripping me after I just laughed at her one day when she gave me the paddle.

In regards to my future children it would probably depend on their mother's opinion, but I would have no problem with giving them corporal punishment.