Personal / dating / whatever life situation general advice thread

[Mizzmazz]

kkcountry ---

It sounds like you're already planning this, but my first choice over the voicemail/facebook idea would always be to just ask her in person. I wouldn't use those methods unless you had communicated with her a lot through them already.

I think email and Myspace/Facebook stuff is cool for staying in touch, but most of the good looking girls I know don't want to randomly get asked out through a web site.

Be yourself, catch her after class sometime and just say you're having a party and would love if she could attend. If she has friends around, then also make sure to invite them too.

[keikiwai]

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I wrecked a car couple of years ago and now I have a job and they've given me a car and I'm petrified of driving. I still drive, but I'm always scared - avoiding highways, not going out of the house unless i absolutely have to.

I always feel like people are staring at me when I drive and that I'm always doing something wrong. This makes me even more nervous and as you can see it's a really stressful situation. How do I get over this?

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just drive more, and make sure you pay attention / are careful when you do it

i totaled a car a while back w/ 2 people in it... if you just keep driving, thinking about being alert, thinking about driving defensively, etc. it'll come back to you, and the anxiety will go away

[xorbie]

[ QUOTE ]
I wrecked a car couple of years ago and now I have a job and they've given me a car and I'm petrified of driving. I still drive, but I'm always scared - avoiding highways, not going out of the house unless i absolutely have to.

I always feel like people are staring at me when I drive and that I'm always doing something wrong. This makes me even more nervous and as you can see it's a really stressful situation. How do I get over this?

[/ QUOTE ]

Try to drive around at night/in deserted areas to get back confidence in the driving abilities. Tell yourself before you drive that it'll be fine, you know how to do this, last time was a freak occurrence, etc etc

[kafkaFan1]

[ QUOTE ]
I wrecked a car couple of years ago and now I have a job and they've given me a car and I'm petrified of driving. I still drive, but I'm always scared - avoiding highways, not going out of the house unless i absolutely have to.

I always feel like people are staring at me when I drive and that I'm always doing something wrong. This makes me even more nervous and as you can see it's a really stressful situation. How do I get over this?

[/ QUOTE ]

a couple people said the same thing as what im about to say. i was in a couple car accidents (other drivers) and after that i had constant anxiety in the car. it took a full 3-6 years but its gone now. so figure the same for yousrelf, takes time

[0netime0nly]

Hi EDF:

This may be the world's dumbest situation/question, but I'd like your thoughts.

I'm 20, play poker for an income, don't go to school, live by myself, hardly get out, basically never meet girls.

Back in grade 11/12 HS, there were several girls I should have asked out that clearly liked me, but, being a retard, I obviously did not.

So, question is, is it practical to, say, send one of these girls a PM over facebook asking them if they'd like to do lunch sometime, mentioning my regret at not asking them out in the past? I truly am pissed at myself for missing these opportunities.

Or is this too stalkerish/desperate/whatever else? I'm sure these girls have about 1000 dudes a day hitting on them, so maybe that makes this idea of mine a bit more 'lol'?

[SlowHabit]

[ QUOTE ]
Hi EDF:

This may be the world's dumbest situation/question, but I'd like your thoughts.

I'm 20, play poker for an income, don't go to school, live by myself, hardly get out, basically never meet girls.

Back in grade 11/12 HS, there were several girls I should have asked out that clearly liked me, but, being a retard, I obviously did not.

So, question is, is it practical to, say, send one of these girls a PM over facebook asking them if they'd like to do lunch sometime, mentioning my regret at not asking them out in the past? I truly am pissed at myself for missing these opportunities.

Or is this too stalkerish/desperate/whatever else? I'm sure these girls have about 1000 dudes a day hitting on them, so maybe that makes this idea of mine a bit more 'lol'?

[/ QUOTE ]
Please do not say regret. Just ask them how they are doing, create a conversation talking about the old days, and go from there.

The key is to act like you have a life. That you have other activities on the side and you just want to catch up. Any time you feel you're sounding needy, stop the conversation right there and tell them you gotta go take care of something.

A side comment. What is it with guys and sounding needy/desperate? When was the last time you talk to a girl that was needy/desperate and you told yourself, "wow, that's hot right there. I def want a girl with that trait."

[El Diablo]

Onetime,

SH nailed it. Don't get into all that regret nonsense. Just message them "Hey, just found you on Facebook looking through old HS friends! Haven't seen you since HS, want to grab lunch next week and catch up?" Sure, they know you're hitting on them, but you said these are girls that liked you in HS anyway, so that's not a problem.

[JaBlue]

I'm going to break up with my girlfriend. This is the first serious relationship I've gotten myself into and will also be the first heavy break up. Been with her about a year, has been incredibly fun at times but we've argued too much for the last month and a half, which turned me way off to her. I attempted to do this all ready twice. One time was a two-minute talk that resulted in her calling me the next day (I would have never called her) and us getting back together. Then I tried again on the grounds that I didn't want to have a girlfriend, still trying to maintain that I liked her, but when trying to break up she convinced me - and I realized - that there's no real reason to break up right now. Before I was 50-70% sure I needed to end it but now its more like 80-90. She's real nice, very cool and fun, I just don't want her as a girlfriend anymore. How do I do this while hurting her feelings least? I don't really want to say something like "I just don't like you anymore" if I don't have to, but maybe I should(?). Any advice on breaking up/the whole thing?

[bobman0330]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm going to break up with my girlfriend. This is the first serious relationship I've gotten myself into and will also be the first heavy break up. Been with her about a year, has been incredibly fun at times but we've argued too much for the last month and a half, which turned me way off to her. I attempted to do this all ready twice. One time was a two-minute talk that resulted in her calling me the next day (I would have never called her) and us getting back together. Then I tried again on the grounds that I didn't want to have a girlfriend, still trying to maintain that I liked her, but when trying to break up she convinced me - and I realized - that there's no real reason to break up right now. Before I was 50-70% sure I needed to end it but now its more like 80-90. She's real nice, very cool and fun, I just don't want her as a girlfriend anymore. How do I do this while hurting her feelings least? I don't really want to say something like "I just don't like you anymore" if I don't have to, but maybe I should(?). Any advice on breaking up/the whole thing?

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You don't have to convince her. Just make up some vague excuse (telling her you don't like her is probably unnecessarily cruel), tell her you want to stop seeing her, and you're done. Stick to your guns.

Or go the Costanza way and cheat on her and let her find out.

[keikiwai]

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How do I do this while hurting her feelings least?

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breaking up hurts

the more drawn out it is (break up - hook up again, etc.) the more it hurts

you just got to be clear, and be ready to say "no".... "no"..... "no" like 2 million times in 4 million different ways and watch her cry and sob and feel like you're a cold hearted bastard... but once it's done, it's done, and you feel light as a feather

just stay calm, be clear, and don't yell or do anything dickish like that....