Once a cheater always a cheater.........

[PITTM]

i cheated in poker when i first started to play, i havent considered cheating since. I have never cheated on a girl and wouldnt. I cheated on homework and tests in high school, but didnt do it in college. Do i count as reformed?

[tdarko]

Solo,

You bring up some good points. One thing that I tend to believe is that if someone cheats on their significant other that the chances of them to be "reformed" with that particular person are very small. There is a reason you cheated on that person, you either disrespect them or you are at a point in your life where you don't think much of yourself and/or you and this person obviously aren't meant to be together.

But if you have cheated on a past gf but are in a new relationship I believe the chances of "reform" are better. This doesn't mean cheaters are on auto-stop b/c they move on to another woman, there are many factors that have to have been recognized for a change to occur but I think getting out of the no-win situation is the first step.

[El Diablo]

ads: "I have never cheated on a girl when I've been in a relationship, but I have slept with girls who were in relationships themselves. Am I bad?" That describes me as well.

wacki: I think there are two types of cheaters. There are some people who I think it's just in their nature. Then there are others who have a relationship, but really don't want one and the whole thing is really a sham. I've seen people in the second category change when they finally actually meet someone they want a real relationship with.

[Colt McCoy]

I think a lot of guys cheat when they're younger because the only reason they're with her in the first place is to get laid. Obviously when another chance to get laid comes along, they take it. When they get a little older and priorities change, I think they can reform themselves.

Amongst mature adults I also think there's a difference between habitual cheaters and people that may have found themselves in a situation where they were probably emotionally vulnerable and made a decision that they feel badly about. I tend to think the latter can take responsibility and not do it again.

[Aloysius]

[ QUOTE ]
Solo,

You bring up some good points. One thing that I tend to believe is that if someone cheats on their significant other that the chances of them to be "reformed" with that particular person are very small. There is a reason you cheated on that person, you either disrespect them or you are at a point in your life where you don't think much of yourself and/or you and this person obviously aren't meant to be together.

[/ QUOTE ]

Completely agree with this. Which is why I think the phrase "once a cheater always a cheater" works in a particular relationship dynamic.

I also like how tdarko brings out the idea that alot of cheating is about your maturity level.

You could be with the perfect girl, but want to self-destruct, test the relationship, just have no impulse control, whatever. And so the timing isn't right for the relationship to work for you.

Contempt is one of the bigger drivers, from what I've seen, of a relationship falling apart. Cheating just underscores how much disrespect you have for your girlfriend.

-Al