The House

[Dids]

This is a post about poker. It's cross posted from my blog. I'm posting it here because I hope that there's other folks, like me, who feel the same tinge of regret that I do that they didn't capitalize on the opportunities that poker offered us.

Sometime early in 2004 I started playing poker. Threw 25 bucks online, lost it, decided I should learn how to play, got some books, started reading and posting on twoplustwo, threw another 25 bucks in there and ran that up to about 10 grand (half of that being one tournament score that instantly went to pay off my car loan). I bought some nice toys, had some fun, and did it without ever really putting my nose to the grindstone. Eventually I got tired of the emotional swings, a little bored with poker, cashed out what remained of my roll and stopped playing. That was around December of 2005.

Almost every day I walk by this house. It’s in a development right next to my apartment. It’s not a big house, or a terribly nice one, but it’s a killer location, one that’s perfect for me. It probably sold for somewhere around 450K. Every time I walk past this house I think “this is the house I would have bought if I’d been serious about poker.”

I look at my peer group from when I first started playing. There are people who were posting .50/1.00 hands with me that now play 400/800 mixed games. While I dicked around and played 30 hand sessions, they sat down and grinded, and learned, and moved up and got awesome. Now it’s very possible that my peers just had more innate skill at poker than I do, that the difference between us wasn’t just effort, but the actual capacity to put forth that effort. What gets me is that I won’t know, because I didn’t apply myself, because I didn’t make an attempt to change the aspects of my behavior that prevented me from taking advantage of the truckloads of cash the poker economy was handing out between 2004 and 2006.

I’d like to think I’m a pretty sharp guy, and I’d like to think that I’m pretty good at cards. I’d like to think that if I’d just been able to make myself sit down and 4 table for 2-3 hours a day, I wouldn’t be back to living paycheck to paycheck (thanks, Mr. Car Payment). What kept me from doing this? Being lazy, being unable to control my emotions, not being willing to make a short term sacrifice for long term benefits. The great “[censored] you” from life here is that I’m in a much better emotional state now than I was then, if only I could have pulled my head out of my ass in other ways, perhaps I would have been able to turn into a decent poker player. (of course, there’s also the notion that perhaps poker was part of what left me in a pretty [censored] emotional place, and that part of the reason I’m happier now is that I’m not playing, but that still goes back to the point that gosh wouldn’t it be nice if I’d had the emotional control/ability to be a grinder and get that damn loot).

One of the best things that came out of poker is that I made a number of new friends. I’ve met a ton of cool people and that’s really helped as I’ve fought me way through other issues (weight loss, depression). Sometimes when the talk turns to poker, it’s just a bitter reminder of what they’ve accomplished that I have not. That doesn’t bother me as much as the house though. There’s something about it that represents stability, accomplishment, and a lot of the more “adult” things that I don’t have yet in my life. I’m not somebody who wants a career, and I’ve never really been bothered that my real job only pays me some 40k a year, but it sure would be nice to have a little house with a tiny back yard, a garage and fridge with an ice maker. I had a shot to get that while still sticking to my career plans, and I passed that up, and that house sits there reminding me of what I haven’t done.

[PITTM]

The real question is whether or not you would have won a nobel prize if you hadnt been lazy.

[Gildwulf]

Dids,

WTF is this defeatist BS?

[ QUOTE ]
What gets me is that I won’t know, because I didn’t apply myself, because I didn’t make an attempt to change the aspects of my behavior that prevented me from taking advantage of the truckloads of cash the poker economy was handing out between 2004 and 2006.

[/ QUOTE ]

Just because poker is harder than it is in 2004 doesn't mean it isn't beatable for absurd amounts of money still. There's no reason you can't get up tomorrow and say 'I am going to study poker seriously' and put a few hours a day into mastering the game. You can still buy that house.

It sounds like you are making excuses for not being as good at poker as your peers and now are just giving up because the money isn't as easy and it would actually require discipline and hard work.

[mjkidd]

Man, I wish I had bought Microsoft stock back in the 80s! That would have been AWESOME!

[Dids]

Gild,

A few points, some of which may not be that valid.

1- I love limit poker, I hate no limit. How viable do you think it is to grind with the 80 bucks I've got online if I really only enjoy playing limit games. Between the games getting worse, limited start up money, and the difficulty of moving moving around, I'm not sure I agree with you on the viability of things, but I'm interested in other opinions.

2- On average, I'm spending 2 hours in the gym each day. I no longer have the time to play poker (also since I stopped playing, I've basically added almost 2 hours a day of commute to my life). In some ways this speaks to the notion that it's probably a good thing I'm not playing.

3- Part of the reason I stopped playing was that at the 3/6 and 5/10 level I'd kinda got all the toys I thought I wanted. In terms of what poker could provide for me, I would have had had to continue to grind for a very long time till I got to that "buy a house" level. I'm not sure about my capacity to do that.

Thanks though- your post was something of a wake up. Even if it feels like a "duh" moment, I have been thinking about poker a lot in the past tense. It's a nice reminder that it's still something I can take a swing at.

[Gildwulf]

[ QUOTE ]
Gild,

A few points, some of which may not be that valid.

1- I love limit poker, I hate no limit. How viable do you think it is to grind with the 80 bucks I've got online if I really only enjoy playing limit games. Between the games getting worse, limited start up money, and the difficulty of moving moving around, I'm not sure I agree with you on the viability of things, but I'm interested in other opinions.

2- On average, I'm spending 2 hours in the gym each day. I no longer have the time to play poker (also since I stopped playing, I've basically added almost 2 hours a day of commute to my life). In some ways this speaks to the notion that it's probably a good thing I'm not playing.

3- Part of the reason I stopped playing was that at the 3/6 and 5/10 level I'd kinda got all the toys I thought I wanted. In terms of what poker could provide for me, I would have had had to continue to grind for a very long time till I got to that "buy a house" level. I'm not sure about my capacity to do that.

Thanks though- your post was something of a wake up. Even if it feels like a "duh" moment, I have been thinking about poker a lot in the past tense. It's a nice reminder that it's still something I can take a swing at.

[/ QUOTE ]

You have all these great friends from poker. You only have $80 online and don't have time to grind up from nothing and are basically broke, right?

Why not get one of these poker friends to stake you for 3/6 limit (like 2 grand)? There are still tons of low-limit games. You owe it to your friend who stakes you though and yourself to take poker seriously and really study it.

And limit isn't dead. It's resting There are still tons of decent low-limit games out there for the wannabe grinders.

You might have missed the free bus to the coke-and-hookers party but it's only midnight and you can get a friend to drive you there

[TiK]

[ QUOTE ]

You might have missed the free bus to the coke-and-hookers party but it's only midnight and you can get a friend to drive you there

[/ QUOTE ]

Nicely put. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[xx44]

Heh,why do you think poker is the end all? Is your regret that you are not as successful at poker as your friends , or is it that you're not as financially successful as your friends that play poker?

If it is the latter, I would not be focusing on poker. Look to start a business. From what i have read of your posts you seem intelligent,motivated(working out 2hrs/day), direct that towards becoming an entrepreneur. You have 2 hrs of commuting, great time to think of ideas.

Once you have a solid idea research it in and out to see if its viable or until you hit a roadblock that cant be overcome, then come up with something else. Thing is if you have a great idea/concept at least you know people who will back you.

[xxThe_Lebowskixx]

the title of your post makes me laugh after reading what you wrote.

[jws43yale]

Although my sentiments aren't totally similar to Dids, I feel the same way in some respects. I put a little money online my Freshman year of college, which would have been the Fall of 2004. I lost a couple hundred dollars and forgot about playing online. One of my roomates sophomore year was already a good player who had just never gotten everything together. He got my playing again and after losing another $500, showed me 2p2. I started playing SNG's and made $20k from Christmas 2005 until the end of that summer. I bought all the toys I wanted and still had a $10k+ bankroll which I blew a majority of in one night of misguided blackjack. I became reall busy with football and school at the beginning of the semester and quit with plans to come back sometime later in the fall. Then UIGEA hit and SNG's basically died.

Although I am plenty happy now, I remember at this time last year, I hoped to make a net of $50k for the year. Looking back on this, I wish I had picked up poker a year earlier or just pushed through in the fall and not burned that money.

I feel that now the effort required to learn a new game will be so tough it will not be worth it. That along with the fact that I do not want to touch my invested savings leaves me a bankroll of only $3k. I wish there was some way to change this or legislation that will rejuice the games but it doesn't look likely.

It is one of those melancholy things b/c although I am happy and everything else is great, it is frustrating for me to sit down and try to eke a +ROI at $16 SNG's. Just 9 months ago I was about to move to the Party $109's and hopefully make $150/hr or more. I know plenty of people have learned new game and grinded back, but I would love to hear how it is done. It just pains me to sit down and barely beat tourneys that I could have crushed a year ago.

So ultimately, I need to make a decision now to completely give up poker, devote myself to learning a new game, or maybe something else. Any advice?

Don't mean to hijack, but I think advice about starting up again could apply to both of us.

TLDR: I made $20k in 6 mos. last year, was well on my way to $150-$200/hr at SNG's. Went partially busto in misguided BJ, UIGEA came, I quit playing. How do I get myself restarted at such lower stakes or motivate myself to learn a new game?