Lounge readers and listeners, need your help!

[Enrique]

Just finished chapters 8 and 9. I downloaded chapter 10 today. Looking forward to continuing to listen this. Chapter 9 was quite explicit and sad, but I agree with painting the Conquistadors as barbaric.

[Enrique]

I just finished Chapter 11. The chapters are getting longer, chapter 11 is more than twice as long as other chapters, but it was very cool. The character of Maurize seems a bit of a cliche, but she's intelligent and I like the fact that she's Mayan.

In chapter 10 I got a bit confused about whether Luke actually married the woman described (the hot or if it was just the nightmare. It was hard to tell where the nightmare started.

I also heard the fact sheet, it mentioned some undisclosed location of the CIA. Did Lucian work at the CIA? How can he confirm something and not disclose it otherwise?

[BPA234]

Sorry, I didn't know you uploaded the text until today. I am up to CH 4. So far, I think the story is interesting and BIG. I like it a lot and I am not a fan of the genre.

From a constructive criticism perspective, I have a few thoughts/opinions:

1. The overall form and style reminds me, in a way, of Michener; a good thing. I know some people may object to the style. But, if done well, I think it's great.

With that in mind, I think that the scientific descriptions and language could be even more elevated and involved. Almost seems like the author is holding back.

2. Ironically, the next point could be confused with the first suggestion. Some of the descriptions and are overly complex. This is not in relation to the subject matter. Rather, it relates to the sentence structure and the overload that, at times, occurs therein.

3. Editing. I think the story and writing could really use a solid pass by a good editor. There are small technique issues that detract from the story. For example, a simile with an NBA player has no place in the described setting.

With regard to editing the story, I think that a good editor could help tighten up the whole effort. With a story this deep and big, you really need an outside observer to help maintain focus, momentum and continuity.

I am looking forward to finishing.

Thanks!

[Runkmud]

Hey guys, thanks for the comments, today I showed Lucian the thread, and he asked me to thank all of you for your opinions and time.

[ QUOTE ]
I also heard the fact sheet, it mentioned some undisclosed location of the CIA. Did Lucian work at the CIA? How can he confirm something and not disclose it otherwise?

[/ QUOTE ]

When I pointed this question out to him Enrique, in typical Lucian fashion, he responded, "well the island isn't a secret to anyone, anymore." Which really doesn't answer your question at all. I know that Lucian works as a situation analyst for the military, and I know he has worked in the military, if he decides to share any more than that, it's up to him.

It's funny you mention chapter 11, Enrique, we had discussions at length that he wasn't satisfied with that chapter, and he's already rewritten quite a bit of it, as well as others.

BPA, thanks a ton for the constructive critism, he took it as a great compliment that you compared him to Michener, and has taken your advice to heart. He's already rewritten quite a bit of it, and is still in the process of rewriting more.

I'd like to thank all of you for your help. It's a ton of fun for me to be involved in watching the fruition of this novel. This is Lucian's first fictional work, and my first screenplay, so we're stumbling through the process, so far I'm very pleased with the results, but please keep the comments coming if you read or listen to more.