jokes you've made IRL that flopped

[THAY3R]

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I bomb a lot of jokes out of being way too crude and plenty because of being lame.

Two related to the same topic:


1. In a college class discussing birth control and it the implications that the hormone changes can have on women and sleep some girl was going off on a tangent about how "women have to take the pill, and women have to make sure of this, and women have to go get the morning after pill, etc. it's just not fair that a bunch of male scientists develop all these birth control methods that rely on the woman. they need to focus on some birth control methods that put the responsibility on the guy."

i then let out a too-loud mumble of "Seems like you already have a solid form of birth control. It's called 'bitch.'"

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FYJ

[THAY3R]

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I have this one joke that most people havent heard and it usually kills. I dont know if i was off or what but im at a party with a ton of people i dont know, i was drunk and dont know how the conversation led up to it but i say...

"Whats green and [censored] little boys?"

"What?"

"St. Patrick"



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FYJ

[grando]

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For a lifelong class clown like myself, I am not sure I can even grasp how many of my jokes have bombed.

I do stand up, and some of it is intentionally very corny and I like to tell it at drunken parties. Usually the following joke gets a few laughs, but in a class of mine the other day where upon hearing I am a jokester it was requested I make a joke, it got nothing:

"When I was a kid I went out to Missouri, visiting my great grandparents. When I was there I saw a caterpillar museum, and it was awesome. I came back the next year but it had flown away.

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FYJ

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something along these lines is way better

[J-Mac]

This isn't really a laugh line, but I was disappointed that it got zero reception.

At my office, my co-worker, good friend, gets boxes and boxes of sample goods that we might potentially sell in our stores. He ran out of space in his cube and started keeping the boxes in my cube, which is fine because it's random fun stuff like christmas cookies and nerf balls and whatnot. It became a running joke between us as more and more stuff started arriving and taking up more of my cube. One day he gets an unusally large cluster of new boxes, and he starts stacking them at the entrance of my cube as a joke, acting as if he was completely sealing me in. I work in an office of bright, young, very well-educated people, so I say, loud enough for a couple people who were watching the scene to hear, "What is this, the cask of Amontillado?"

zoooooooooooooooooom. Not one of my Ivy-league coworkers got the reference. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

[FaDi]

OP should put all the jokes in the OP so that i dont have to go through them everytime, these are hilarious.

[adrockuk]

I was in Chemistry class just before we had to choose university courses and we had a chemical engineer in to give us a talk about the industry and chat about degree choices.

He starts saying how it's good t have a vocational degree and if you do engineering there's always a job at the end of it "If you do something like philosophy then you've got no guarantee of getting a good job"

I replied with "Well, what is a job anyway?" .... silence... then he continues, and I feel a bit stupid. until I hear one girl at the back of the class giggling away, she couldn't be quiet for the last 5 min of his talk.

[Daer]

In 8th grade everyone is just sitting at their desks doing work when one of the girls says "What stinks?" Without even thinking I blurt out, "Close your legs." I look up and everyone is staring at me wide-eyed. After staring back at them for about 3 seconds I put my head down and go back to work.

[jonnyd]

this thread is gold all over it

i only have one that i can remember very well

it was in 8th grade gym class. we had to watch some anti-drug propaganda videos in class every day for a few weeks. well the 3rd class the videotape had come to an end and the teacher is not in the room. it cuts to a blue screen after about a minute and a low voice says 'please insert tape 2' and i imitate the voice 'this is God speaking'.

my good friend started cracking up, but the rest of the class, nothing.

to this day i still think it was pretty funny

[kyro]

For some reason I have eviljeff's AIM and his profile quotes are always great. (Yes, I am a compulsive profile checker).

Most of these are really funny, just over the line. The ones that actually bomb because they're 1/4 as funny as you thought it would be are the great posts. i want more of those.

[adsman]

I was fairly young, around 18. I'm at a party with a bunch of mates and we're sitting around the living room. Everyones talking, there's music on. My mate next to me starts chatting up this cute girl. He's really working on her and it's making me want to vomit but she's lapping it up. Then the conversation goes something like this:

Her: I really like you. You know, you're really turning me on. (or something to this effect.)

Him: I can tell.

Her: How can you tell?

Him: What's that running down your leg?

Me: Blood?


Nobody was amused.