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#1
09-07-2007, 02:00 PM
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Trip Report:Chicago/Jerry Springer Show
Cliff Notes at bottom.
So 3 friends and I went to Chicago for a day to see a taping of The Jerry Springer Show. We left at about 6 AM. The first hour or so was pretty uneventful, until we decide it's time to start smoking. We smoked 2 bowls, then just drove for a few more hours. After about 2 hours, we decide to smoke again, so we smoke another 2 bowls. A little while later we're about 25 minutes out of Chicago when we pass a cop on the side of the highway clocking. We're going 79 in a 55, and we instantly know we're [censored]. I'm freaking out, because there's a few packs of rolling papers in the glovebox, a tin full of bowls and various other paraphernalia, and I'm still a little high. Officer approaches the window and goes through his routine, and asks for license and registration. I reach into the glovebox, and I'm scared to death, because I started to think I had a baggie of weed in there. I open the glovebox very carefully, when I suddenly remember that I had moved the bag. My friend hands over his license and registration, and explains that we are trying to make it to Chicago for a taping of the Jerry Springer Show. The cop seemed cool, but we WERE going almost 25 over. He heads back to his car, while we discuss whether or not he'll warn us or if we'll get a speeding ticket. He comes back to our car and he gives us a warning!  Needless to say, we were all very excited.  We're on our way, and soon we reach our hotel. It's a pretty crappy room, but for $140/night and great location(about a 5-10 minute walk from Michigan Ave) it's what we expected. We have a little bit of time before we need to catch the bus before Jerry Springer, so we walk around for a while and do a little exploring. We find a 7/11 a block from our hotel, and stop there for some stuff we need. Before we can catch the bus, we have to walk about 1/2 a mile so that my friend Josh can find a 5/3rd bank. He has NO cash, and NO money in his checking account. So we either have to make the walk and be a little late to Jerry Springer, or let him borrow money any time he wanted food or anything for the entire trip. So we walk to the bank and back, nothing really exciting. We have a little trouble finding our bus stop, but we finally got on the right bus.  A short bus ride later, and we're in front of the NBC building.  We head inside, and pick up our tickets.  After standing in countless lines, we make it backstage...it's official-We're going to see the Jerry Springer Show.  We were one of the last groups in(the studio/set is SO MUCH smaller than it looks like on TV). Because of Josh's emergency bank trip, we almost didn't get in...instead, we got some of the best seats there. We were 3 rows back, right where Jerry walks back and forth...prime seats. Then we find out that we're also going to be on Mad TV! For the season debut of Mad TV, they're doing a "Best Of" type thing, hosted by Jerry Springer. We had to do chants and cheers for a while before we even saw Jerry. We did standard stuff like clapping, booing, etc. Then they had us chant some ridiculous stuff, such as "Flashlight boner". The crowd was supposed to be pissed at Mad TV, so we had to chant "Flashlight boner" for about 20 seconds with a straight face/acting pissed. We did a little more of that, and then Jerry came out. He told us a few jokes, and we started filming. The episode itself was pretty lame. The first guy was a bum who lived with his brother and his brother's wife, smelled like fish because of his job, didn't do anything around the house, etc. and the brother and wife wanted him out. This one was the craziest, because they had a real fish that they were throwing at each other...then the wife came out with fish guts and started throwing them everywhere...it smelled bad, but it was so awesome. Between the first and second guests, we turned around to see Luis Gonzales in the crowd...pretty badass. They announced his presence, and then he left. Second scenario was the standard "I [censored] your best friend" stuff, and the third was about an older guy who was in a relationship with a younger girl, and the younger girl left him for some younger guy. The entire taping consisted of:The audience cheering, the guests fighting, the crowd chanting something, more fighting, etc. It was pretty crazy. After all 3 guests had their own segment, it was time for questions. But before that, another special guest was introduced, Andre Arlovski. It was kind of funny because no one really knew who he was...he had some insanely hot girls with him though. It was the standard stuff, some pretty lame jokes from the audience. A really fat lady got up on the pole and mooned the crowd at least 4 or 5 times. It was pretty disgusting. My friend actually got to make a comment(for the third guy, he asked if their first date was at a playground) so that was pretty cool. Towards the end of the questions segment, a girl who was actually pretty cute just wanted to get her Jerry Beads, so she flashed us 2 or 3 times and got up on the pole. After this Jerry did his "Final Thoughts" and the Jerry Springer taping was over. But then we had to do even more stuff for the Mad TV taping. At this point we had been sitting there about 2 hours(and we got there later than everyone else). People started to just get up and leave, which was a little lame. We did more stuff for the Mad TV taping, which was actually pretty cool because the actors were in the audience and Nicole Parker(from Mad TV) was there, and she was funny and cute. And she got up on the pole. So then we basically did more of the same thing, chanting, booing, cheering, for another 30 minutes or so, and the taping was over. 2 of my friends got a picture with Andre, and we left.  We took the bus back to the hotel, got some pizza, and decided to walk around downtown. Before we left, we all smoked a joint to the head, hotboxing the bathroom. So we leave, high as hell, no destination in mind, in a strange city. We stopped at the Hershey store for some ice cream, and after that, we found trouble pretty quickly. First we ran into a homeless guy who wanted us to pay $3 for a newspaper so that he could buy some ice cream. The exact quote went like this. Homeless guy:"Yeah, so, this paper is written by the homeless people of Chicago, which I am...and if you buy a copy, we get that money. So, you know, maybe I can kick back and relax and eat some ice cream too." At this point I ALMOST make a dick comment about how he should try to get a home first, but I refrain...we tell the guy no thanks and keep walking. Not 10 minutes later, a guy approaches us and asks for a light. I start to tell him no, but for some unknown reason, Josh has a lighter, So he lights his ciggarrette, and we have the following conversation. Random Guy:So do you guys know where [random street name] is? Josh:No, sorry, we're just in town for the Jerry Springer Show. Random Guy:Oh, ok, I was just looking for a place to smoke a quick joint. Come on, walk with me, tell me about the Jerry Springer Show. Y'all need weed? I got good herb. And shrooms. Us:Nah, we're cool. But we're still walking with this guy. After about half a block, I reiterate that we're good and we don't need anything. So this guy keeps going straight, and we turn left. We look back, and this guy is coming back for us FAST. We didn't know what was going on, so we just kept walking. Finally he gets a few steps behind us, and he says "Hey, big guy"(talking to me) I turned around, he flashed a small bag of weed(it looked like about 5 or 6 grams of [censored] bud, a lot of shake) and said "If you need anything, y'all know where to find me" and he walked away. So we're like "WTF just happened, that [censored] was crazy" and we continue on our way. We end up walking down some unknown street, when ANOTHER random guy starts talking to us. Here is the conversation we had. Random Guy #2(Seeing my friend's OSU shirt):Oh, you from Ohio? Us:Yeah Random Guy #2:Oh cool, what you guys about to do? You wanna go to a Daisy Duke contest? It's just some little thing for 16-21 year olds, just a little high school thing, no big deal. Me:A Daisy Dukes contest? Doesn't really sound like a high school thing. RG#2:What man, you naive or something? Come on, it's gonna be fun. Me:No thanks, we're good. Well, he gets to talking to Josh, and for some reason, we start following this guy. Josh and another friend are about 10 steps ahead of me and our other friend. We're discussing what to do. Meanwhile, Josh is up there chatting away with this guy, following him to some club or something. After about a block and a half, this guy is trying to go left, when I turn right, towards our hotel, and say "No, we're this way" Well, apparently that was a bad idea. This guy was NOT happy. He gets all in my face, asking what's wrong with me, why I don't want to have a good time, etc. He is pissed that he has taken us halfway to this club, which was out of the way for him(even though he told us it was on his way, and that he was going to catch a train). Any time a not white person walks by, he starts to yell at me for being racist. I guess he was looking for a little backup, but no one reacted. So he's bitching at me for a good 5 minutes. I keep trying to leave, but my friends must have been scared or something, they wouldn't walk with me, and they wouldn't back me up and say "No, we don't want to go with you" It was pretty [censored] up...After a few minutes, he steps behind a garbage can, puts his hand into his sock, and steps forward to confront me. At this point, I was pretty scared. I didn't know if he had a knife or what, but it was definitely getting to be a pretty bad situation. He starts yelling at me/us, saying he just got out of the penitentiary, and that he'll go back. At this point it's pretty obvious that all he wants is some money. So he tries to get $2 out of us...no one gave him any money. So now he's trying to settle for a dollar. He says, "Now, y'all need to give me some money, before there's some trouble." Things like that, trying to scare us. Eventually he realizes that he's not scaring us(at least not to the point of us giving him money) and he leaves. We were so relieved to be okay, but that kind of ended the night early for us. We went back to the hotel, watched a little TV, and went to bed. The next morning we woke up, got our stuff together, and got ready to leave. We opened up the car door to find a PB&J sandwich that some animal had destroyed. It was really weird, all the doors and windows were shut, and had been the whole time, but something managed to get in there and eat our food...we never found out what it was.  Then we got in the car and had a pretty boring trip home.  Overall it was probably the best/craziest trip I have ever been on. Cliff Notes:3 friends and I go to Chicago for the Jerry Springer Show, we almost don't make it but we get badass seats, and we also get to be on Mad TV. Random guy tries to sell us weed/shrooms, we almost get robbed, an animal eats our food, and we go home. 
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#3
09-07-2007, 02:21 PM
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Re: Trip Report:Chicago/Jerry Springer Show
so... you guys got high for everything EXCEPT the show. wtf? Also, wow, you guys do not know how to handle city folk. Your friends are dicks for not backing you up. And the dealer thing was totally standard.
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#4
09-07-2007, 02:21 PM
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Re: Trip Report:Chicago/Jerry Springer Show
[ QUOTE ]
Needs more pics of girl that flashed for Jerry beads [/ QUOTE ] Ha I wish, but it wasn't worth it. If you're caught with a camera they confiscate it and destroy the film/memory card. If they catch you with a phone they can keep it for 2 weeks before they mail it back. She'll be on the show though, I'm almost positive.
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#5
09-07-2007, 02:27 PM
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Re: Trip Report:Chicago/Jerry Springer Show
[ QUOTE ]
so... you guys got high for everything EXCEPT the show. wtf? Also, wow, you guys do not know how to handle city folk. Your friends are dicks for not backing you up. And the dealer thing was totally standard. [/ QUOTE ] We smoked before the show but not too much. We didn't want to go in really really high and act stupid and get kicked out. My friends definitely do not know how to handle people in the city. I can take care of myself...they probably would have been [censored] without me.
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#6
09-07-2007, 02:30 PM
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Re: Trip Report:Chicago/Jerry Springer Show
That pic of the state trooper heading back to the cruiser is BALLS!!!!
Other gems include "After a SHORT BUS trip to ........." and the fact that you guys looked like complete marks to every street hustler in Chicago. Tell your friends to back you up in these encounters and do as I do and make undesireables feel uncomfortable by loudly discussing all the male prostitutes you've murdered in the past. Worked in Montreal anyway.
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#9
09-07-2007, 02:51 PM
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Re: Trip Report:Chicago/Jerry Springer Show
You guys are ugly.
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