rasing kids + the internet

diebitter · #1 03-22-2007, 08:24 PM

Hi

I'm getting anxious lately. The eldest boy is nearly 12 and big for his age...and moving up in school this year.

I'm concerned about the internet, and all the porn and horrible stuff on it, including sexual predators and the like.

I don't know how much freedom to give him, how closely to watch him as he gets older, and suchlike.

My beliefs about how much freedom come from my formative years, and to a lesser extent university years.

First, I'd rather give him freedom and make it clear he needs to be responsible, but he still can come talk to me about anything.

HOWEVER...the sheer disgustingness of some of the stuff you see on the internet, plus the ease with which you can find it, makes this more liberal approach a little house-of-paper for me.

But on the other hand, kids are curious and sometimes finding out stuff in secret is only natural...and in a way, if his peers are doing it, I think peer pressure/acceptance sometimes tempers these things and actually acts to control and to ground it to some degree. I saw this in university...it was apparent and obvious who came from big cities and working-class backgrounds because they didn't go nuts the first week, getting drunk and stupid. They hadn't been denied these things by living in small villages or coming from the suburbs, and could handle it already...within a strong peer-pressure environment...

I'm sort of rambling here, but wondered what people think.

Is software on machines that blocks sites enough? should I actually trust him to use it wisely (which I do now in the main), and if he doesn't, welll...that's part of growing up. (I stress trust includes a strong discussion about dangers like sexual predators, giving out personal details etc). Or something else?

I'd appreciate any advice, especially from anyone who has slightly older kids than this, and may have already gone through this.

thanks
Carter

Fishwhenican · #2 03-22-2007, 09:03 PM

Carter,
The first thing you do is get this on your PC K9 Web Protection. It is free to home users, is a great application and very easy to set up filtering based on categories. It will also do reporting and all of that but HIGHLY recommend getting this on the home PC that a child would be using.

Here are a few other quick links to check out
Netsmartz
Web Wise Kids

I have been to several seminars on this issue and was actually just in a session a couple of days ago for this.
Internet Safety for Kids

I am away from home and on a VERY crappy hotel network but when I am back and have more time I will write more about this.

Short answer is, you should be worried about kids on the internet. It can be a very very dangerous place for them and there are ALL sorts of sexual predators out there who are very very good at what they do that see the internet a great big shopping mall!

Her is a scary statistic for you. One in five children will be propositioned by a stranger on the internet. Last year I saw a demonstration where the presenters were pretending to be a 13 YO girl and had a dozen different highly suggestive chat sessions going at once with people who very well knew she was sixteen. The 13YO had just been created the night before. The person doing the demo said that the average time in a chat room until contact was made was less than 5 seconds. That was just with a screen name showing up in the room and no initial contact by the supposed 13YO.

Oh Ya, Boys are just at much at risk as girls

entertainme · #3 03-23-2007, 12:36 AM

Hi,

My daughter is about to graduate and my son is a freshman, (who was just asked to the prom by a junior - the hussy!).

We have always had filtering software on their computer. The software blocks them from being able to type their real names, the city they live in, their phone number, etc. as well as blocking any explicit sites. (It's for a Mac if you're interested.)

It's also strongly recommended to keep your computer in a public part of the house where you can walk by occasionally.

As the Girl is about to leave the nest, she now has my old laptop and the freedom to use it in her room, take it with her, whatever. It has no filtering software on it.

In regard to your question about kids having access anyway, being prepared for the world, etc. I have a nephew in his mid 20's who had a computer in his room while growing up with no supervision. He has told me there's stuff he saw that he now wishes he could erase from his brain. Alone in your room can be a bad place for a kid to discover all the evils of the world.

The Poker Mom

youtalkfunny · #4 03-23-2007, 04:09 AM

I refuse to buy into the notion that the internet is a "dangerous place".

I don't think my son will be damaged if he sees a woman's breast.

Also, expanding the "don't take candy from strangers" chat to include internet scumbags should suffice.

I know I'm in the minority.

Fishwhenican · #5 03-23-2007, 09:11 AM

[ QUOTE ]
I refuse to buy into the notion that the internet is a "dangerous place".

I don't think my son will be damaged if he sees a woman's breast.

Also, expanding the "don't take candy from strangers" chat to include internet scumbags should suffice.

I know I'm in the minority.

[/ QUOTE ]

No offense intended at all but you are 100% wrong. Seeing a breast on the internet is not at all what I would be worried about. There is much worse out there, but even that isn't the biggest worry, although the desensitization factor is an issue.

There are many many cases of the internet being used by by sexual predators for their hunting ground. I am listening to yet another case on the television that come on just as I was typing this!

I am not saying that this will always happen, but the internet widens the concept of kids not just talking to strangers who walk up to them on the street to a completely anonymous stranger who does not seem to be a stranger. Predators are very very good at convincing kids that they are someone who they are not and over the internet they can do this without even being seen. Oh unless you count the pervs that get off exposing themselves to kids over the internet with webcams. Predators will convince kids that they are someone who is like them or shower them with praise like professed love for the kid. They can use the Baller approach and offer drugs, money, booze or cigaarettes to lure kids to a spot.

I know that the end result of a kid being molested (or worse) via the internet is the exception rather than the rule. The the truth is that it happens more than it should and if you ar enot taking care of the way your kids access the internet you are potentially exposing them to really bad things.

Fishwhenican · #6 03-23-2007, 09:16 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Hi,

My daughter is about to graduate and my son is a freshman, (who was just asked to the prom by a junior - the hussy!).

We have always had filtering software on their computer. The software blocks them from being able to type their real names, the city they live in, their phone number, etc. as well as blocking any explicit sites. (It's for a Mac if you're interested.)

It's also strongly recommended to keep your computer in a public part of the house where you can walk by occasionally.

As the Girl is about to leave the nest, she now has my old laptop and the freedom to use it in her room, take it with her, whatever. It has no filtering software on it.

In regard to your question about kids having access anyway, being prepared for the world, etc. I have a nephew in his mid 20's who had a computer in his room while growing up with no supervision. He has told me there's stuff he saw that he now wishes he could erase from his brain. Alone in your room can be a bad place for a kid to discover all the evils of the world.

The Poker Mom

[/ QUOTE ]

Filtering software and keeping the computer in a public part of the house are both important parts of keeping kids safe. An Internet connected PC should never ever be allowed in the bedroom of a kid.

Another important thing is to encourage kids to tell their parents when something doesn't seem right. They have to realize that they are not going to be in trouble if they report something odd to them.

I will write more later, I have to pack to head home!!!!

DrewDevil · #7 03-23-2007, 11:23 AM

No internet in the kids' rooms! Internet computers should be in the middle of a public room where there is no privacy. I am convinced that this simple step would eliminate 90% of the problem.

katyseagull · #8 03-23-2007, 12:16 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I have a nephew in his mid 20's who had a computer in his room while growing up with no supervision. He has told me there's stuff he saw that he now wishes he could erase from his brain.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is freaky because I too have a nephew who told me the exact same thing. He was really troubled by it. He became really anxious and depressed and shortly thereafter turned to religion for the first time in his life. He became a born-again Christian. I always thought wow, that must have been some disturbing stuff, whatever it was.

katyseagull · #9 03-23-2007, 12:19 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I don't think my son will be damaged if he sees a woman's breast.

[/ QUOTE ]

If only it were just that. I had a pop-up the other day that was graphic as hell. I swear it just came out of nowhere. I would hate for any little kid to see what I saw.

Make sure you have pop-up blocker on, Carter.

Falc · #10 03-23-2007, 12:49 PM

Keeping track of your kids internet usage and limiting things is good. But you have to let go of the filtering and such when they are older, like 16 or so. Talk about the dangers when they're young and hopefully they've learned a few things when they're older.

Having the filtering etc on the computer while they're older is kind of privacy intruding. I wouldn't have liked it if my parents kept such things on my computer when I was in mid/late teens.

Of course you have to alter the age of when you're going to lift the supervision for each kid, depending on how well you trust them etc.