My College Essay...

[pnazari]

[ QUOTE ]
fold prebirth imo

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[tunkpirate]

1) what college is this for?
2) are you admitting to them that you do or have played underage?

[joes28]

WHY DONT YOU TALK ABOUT HOW YOU GOT A REALLY GOOD SCORE IN COUNTERSTRIKE THE OTHER DAY AND BEAT ALL UR HIGHSCHOOL FRIENDS AND THE LESSONS YOU LEARNED. SERIOUSLY, COLLEGES DONT GIVE A CRAP ABOUT THESE ESSAYS (THEY JUST HAVE THEM SO THAT THEY CAN SEEM "PRESTIGIOIOUS", OR GIVE THEM AN EXCUSE TO LET IN A GOOD ATHLETE/RICH PERSON) WITH BAD TEST SCORES OR UR NERD HOBBIES.

[highsteptd]

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If you fall into the same category as the rest of the world’s general population, you will have to put aside your previous biases, and listen to what I have to say.

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Really horrible sentence.

1) "you" - do not refer to the reader, ever. Unless this is your love letter to that girl you've posted 25294 times.

2) "same category as the rest of the world's general population" - What category is this? Be more clear. By saying "rest of" you're implying that there are two categories, what are they? "World's general population" is wordy, redundant, and just makes it sound like you're trying to use big words (for you).

3)"listen to what I have to say" - First of all, you're writing an essay, not speaking. Second, this is incredibly self-important and pretentious. Yes, this essay is about you, but no one wants to read a self-important piece, especially when it fails to deliver like the rest of your essay.

[felix83]

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our country's school system makes me sad

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QFT. If ever there was evidence supporting the movie "Idiocracy" as the future of America, this is it.

[One Outer]

I stopped reading at "put aside your previous biases, and listen to what I have to say." I would have stopped sooner if I had seen that you posted it.

I don't think I have to read the rest of the essay to know it's going to be whiny and/or ghey.

[furyshade]

i feel bad for OP, his essay is bad but he made this thread looking for support and got band-wagon raped

[One Outer]

[ QUOTE ]
i feel bad for OP, his essay is bad but he made this thread looking for support and got band-wagon raped

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If this were in student life or oot I would also feel bad. He already got buttsecksed about that girl like a million times and he has to know by now that you don't bring serious questions to BBV. If anything, that gives us further reason to pile on.

[highsteptd]

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i feel bad for OP, his essay is bad but he made this thread looking for support and got band-wagon raped

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His parents gave him the thumbs down for this essay, why should BBV4L be nice to him?

[xxeximusxx]

lol lol, i'm applying to college right noww also, writing my essays as well..

please don't tell me your gonna send this lol.
also learn the difference between periods and commas