Infidelity

[Subfallen]

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There is no guarantee that any woman will ever love you again, or that that love will lie secure in some new woman's breast when you are briefly parted. No heart is tenured to your own, and no service will secure it. If you nurture your anger you will die friendless and alone.


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Perfect.

[daxtrader]

Give the op some credit. The wife just got bored with her marriage and needed some excitement. Call it a chemical reaction or whatever. The affair with her boss provided all that. Hot passionate sex with a new person can give you that tingly feeling. It doesnt last though. She'll soon realize what a mess she created for everyone. Her ego won't allow that at the moment.

OP, you married the wrong girl. Next time read the dating dictionary by "doc love" and weed out the slooooots. Good luck to you and your kids and I hope your wife gets an STD.

[TexRef]

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My wife on the other hand, still says she loves me and cares about me and is dealing with a tremendous amount of guilt.

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If you want her back as well, I would suggest that the two of you get into counseling now. There are plenty of marriages that have worked through infidelity and worse.

[TexRef]

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Remember, I was in the same marriage as my wife. So whatever problems we had in our marriage goes both ways. I didn't go out and have an affair when I saw our marriage crumbling......I took the initiative to read up on relationships and tried to talk to her. Some people like to take the easy way out I guess.

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Her's was not necessarily the easy way out...

I'd wager good money that there is just as much pain on her side because of things -- possibly more because of the guilt.

[TexRef]

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He married a bad apple. That's it. Divorce her and move on.

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This is crap advice... There is a lot more to consider here than a single affair.

[TexRef]

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Slim, I'm confused- where are you going, with all of this "affairs are an addiction/let's learn about affairs" information?. ... It doesn't seem like a healthy path

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Agreed. Put down the internets and all this googling affairs stuff and go see a counselor. Don't try to figure it out because you won't be able to. In your mind it is inexcusable and you are trying to find information/resources to back you up -- she will never look at it that way because she is the one that cheated.

If you want a divorce, get one. If you don't, go to work on restoring your marriage, but that does not involve making your wife wear a scarlet A... somehow you will have to come to terms with the affair and move past it - and that won't be easy.

You'd be well served to figure out what YOU want from here on our rather than what your counselor, some website, or anyone else here is telling you to do.

[TexRef]

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You are totally barking up the wrong tree here.

About 10% of the people here know what it's like to be married. Probably 50% never even had sex.

Go get professional help, or marriagebuliders.com or mywifecheated.com to discuss these rationalizations with others in an AA like atmosphere.

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Plus, most of the people on here play poker for 10, 15, 20 hours at a time... and can be found 9-20 tabling online at all hours of the night.

Not exactly the best evaluators when it comes to "addictions" [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[The Don]

OP you are insane if you think infidelity should be a crime.

Find another woman stat and makes sure she is hotter (and a hell of a lot younger) than your wife. Once her relationship with this new dude becomes boring she may come crawling back. If not (which is the most likely scenario), you will at least have a young hot chick.

[The Don]

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My wife on the other hand, still says she loves me and cares about me and is dealing with a tremendous amount of guilt.

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If you want her back as well, I would suggest that the two of you get into counseling now. There are plenty of marriages that have worked through infidelity and worse.

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It's over as of now. If he acts needy like you suggest then it is most definitely over. If he goes out, improves himself, and makes her a little jealous he might have a chance.

[BTirish]

I think OP raises an important question. Although it isn't what he's focused on, he has mentioned an important point which plenty of recent studies have described: the bad effects that the divorce, which is the result of this affair, is going to have on his children.

One way in which our conception of marriage is different from the past is that we think that what is most important in a marriage is a warmly loving, sexually gratifying, and emotionally satisfying relationship. These things are each sine qua non for most contemporary marriages. Without sufficient romance, a marriage is considered to be in a bad place. But where does such an attitude leave children? And what of marriage vows?

Instead of whether extra-marital infidelity should be punished by law, a question I think all this raises is whether no-fault divorce has really had a positive influence on society. There once was a time when if the OP refused to grant a divorce, then there wouldn't be one--even if his wife was cheating on him. And, there was once a time when a pretty large number of men would have refused to grant the divorce, for the sake of the children, if it seemed possible to save the marriage and the family. Maybe there was a time when lots of people recognized that caring well for one's children is just more important than life-long romance?

Divorce because of abuse, infidelity (against the spouse seeking the divorce), etc. are one thing; divorce when the only real fault in the marriage is on the part of the one seeking the divorce seems something entirely different. Or do obligations to keep wedding vows and to care well for children just not matter that much anymore?