DANGER-WANKS?

[pennpal]

A Field Guide to Danger-Wanks

There are many things to consider while preparing for a Danger-Wank, each important in its own right. By definition, a Danger-Wank (DW) is simply masturbating where you should not, or where the risk of detection is high. The key to a sucessful wank is to plan carefully; one miscalculation and you can find yourself in a police station, maced and disoriented as you share a cell with "Sticky Pierre." If you plan your wanks wisely, you'll be well on your way to becoming a professional wankist.

<font color="green"> Location, Location, Location </font>

Location is everything while performing a Danger-Wank. The more public the place, the more skill is required to wank undetected and the more recognition you will receive from the wanking community. However, these places carry with them inherant risks. Certain situations are the "Black Diamonds" of the DW'ing world, such as at a job interview, flying a commercial aircraft, and refereeing a u9 soccer match. Do not be discouraged! Opportunities for the DW are everywhere.

Take, for instance, your brother's wedding. "Ah, but pennpal," you might say, "there's plenty of places to do the deed at a wedding. Where's the challenge with that much pew cover?" Well, loyal reader, perhaps you're looking from the wrong perspective.



<font color="green"> Who's Around? </font>

Another key factor to consider is the amount of possible witnesses. Setting also has a place here; take, for instance, the movie theatre. The adult theatre has long been a staple of the Danger-Wank community, but as of late it has become all-too standard. For an amateur wankist, the adult theatre is a right of passage. However, there are few onlookers, and should someone catch a glimpse they'd be unlikely to report you. An experienced DW'er, on the other hand, looks for a bigger challenge.



<font color="green"> You're Caught! </font>

Lastly, we must cover what to do should you be spotted. No matter how skilled you are, you're bound to be caught eventually. It's best to have a few choice words in mind to get yourself out of a bind. Some favorites include,

"SNAKES!!"
"Wait, this isn't the doctor's office!"
"OH GOD IT'S BURROWING"

While I would reccomend against,

"OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD I'M COMING OHHHH-GHHGHHAAGAAAAA-AAAAOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS. ... ... Why hello there, Mom."



Everyone used to be a beginner, from Paul Reuben to yours truly. The most important thing to remind yourself is not to get discouraged- what's one measly arrest record when you have a whole life of wanking ahead of you? I hope you appreciate the tips- Follow them and you'll be an expert Danger-Wankist in no time.

[Chaos_ult]

"OH GOD IT'S BURROWING"

hahah.

[Fishmonger]

thread saved

[Jiggymike]

I was going to post one in the anonymous thread but it wasn't that bad so I'll just put it here. I used to work in a lab when I was an undergrad and there was this cute chick who would flirt with me there, sometimes getting me pretty turned on. However, we never did anything cuz she had a bf (tease). One day I got back from lunch and no one was there, so I went and rubbed one out in the little office that we shared even though I didn't know if she or anyone else would be coming back soon.

Beat: If she caught me she probably would have helped out (the beat is she didn't come back).

[blutarski]

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Variance: felt dirty for next 5 yrs


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nh sir lol.

this is exactly the type of stuff i was looking for.

great work

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Why are you looking for it? Out of gay porn?

[blutarski]

Okay, whatever...

I was taking summer classes in college and I was staying in an un-airconditioned house. The student union building was next door and was kept near freezing. I'd go into the bathroom and take a dump and knock one out in the stall.

So relaxing. So refreshing.

Beat: Someone walked into the bathroom and I didn't notice until I'd completed.
Beat: Another time, I pooped out what looked to be a bunch of maggots.
Variance: I'd had rice the day before, though.

[I Gotta Push]

i beat off in algebra class in 7th or 8th grade

just rub it right out in my pocket liner