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Old 11-21-2007, 02:22 PM
Bond18 Bond18 is offline
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Default APPT Macau Trip Report part 1, The New Sin City

Authors Note: This first trip report doesn’t actually contain any poker, as none will start until tomorrow. However, it will serve to set up the rest of the series, which will all follow the tournament and happenings here in Macau. If that’s not your thing though, then skip this one.

The Venetian Macau sits outside my hotel window, an enormous gold and tan monolith with no competition for dominating the skyline. Macau has become the world’s largest gaming destination, at least in terms of monetary turn over. Until 1999 Macau was owned and run by the Portuguese, who eventually gave it back to mainland China, tired with dealing of the triad infested island.

Macau is like Las Vegas if Mao Tse Dung and John Gotti took turns vomiting on it. Up until 1999 the Triad influence was so heavy and suffocating there was little room for progress. When the Chinese took over they managed to make the Triads practically disappear with their strict laws and enormous punishments for criminals. In the Chinese justice system, when a man is executed by gun shot his family is sent a bill for the bullet. The histories are somewhat similar, the US government did away with the mafia in Vegas during the 80’s and brought in the corporations, as the Chinese have done now. The growth as a result is startling. The Venetian outside my window is the single largest building in all of Asia, and the second largest in the entire world (the first being an aircraft factory), dwarfing its sister casino in Vegas.

I arrived last night in the early evening. My flight from Melbourne to Sydney was delayed by an hour and a half, and with the check in for my Sydney to Macau flight closing 40 minutes before the flight when Bondgirl and I arrived in Sydney we had mere minutes to sprint to a taxi and then to our terminal. She went first to hold off the counter lady, who wanted to turn us away until a higher up came over and decided to give us a pass. The nine hour flight was uneventful, I switched off between sleeping and playing my Nintendo DS, with some occasional reading.

The Grand Waldo is only a five minute cab ride from the airport, with only the gargantuan Venetian blocking our path. The hotel looks kind of tacky on the outside, but on the inside is actually quite clean and classy looking. The rooms are comfortable but by no means huge and the restaurants in the hotel are quite nice. We spent our first evening at dinner and drinks with friends, talking about how many are expected for the events. It appears the main event will lock out at 300, with 50 of those players being alternates. Estimates for the 15k high rollers event are around 40-60 at the moment, but more and more big name players are showing up, supposedly attracting more and more recreational gamblers.

I woke up this morning after spending nearly 11 hours in bed. I went down to the buffet and found friends, who discussed going into ‘Macau’. As it turns out, Macau (as most people think of it) is actually broken into three parts, Macau, Taipa, and Coloane. The Grand Waldo is situated in Taipa, with Macau being a 10 minute cab ride away, over one of three long white bridges. After breakfeast this morning my friends and I headed towards downtown Macau, a skyline full of casinos old and new. The skyline must be seen to be believed, as all the casinos are jammed into one centralized area, with an architectural style totally separate from what we’re used to in Vegas, yet still glittering and gaudy like it’s American counterpart.

I lived in China for six months. I’m used to the cab drivers who veer and steer like drunken monkeys despite only the front seats having a seat belt. The roads are nowhere nearly as insane as Shanghai, where the drivers would sooner run you over than risk being five seconds late to their destination.

Downtown Macau stinks. The air is polluted and dirty like the banners for whores that litter the streets. Too much time outside leaves one with a hoarse and dry feeling in the back of your throat, with coughing and water being the only recourse. The air smells foul, and feels heavy despite little humidity.

My friends wanted to go shopping, but my friend Darren and I began tiring of the air. I asked Darren (who won a package on Stars into the main) if he wanted me to spend some time coaching him while our girlfriends shopped. We headed back to the Grand Waldo and spent two hours in front of the computer discussing stack sizes, bet sizes, and shoving ranges. When our girlfriends returned they asked about going to dinner, so we decided on the Venetian. As we headed downstairs we ran into Ricky and Eva, who are helping Elton (Ricky’s friend and Eva’s brother) to organize the event. They suggested going to dinner back in Macau. Darren suggested a place with a guy who serves Tea like an extra from an Ang Lee movie, whipping his long barreled tea pot around like a ninja on ecstasy.

“Hey Tony, wanna go to the ‘race course’ after dinner?” Ricky asked.
They’d mentioned it the night before. Apparently the done up whores walk in a lap around this race course waiting for Johns to approach them, and as long as they don’t just stand there they can’t be kicked out for loitering by the security guards, who are everywhere in Macau. In fact, upon entering any casino floor, you have to walk through a metal detector.
“[censored] yea, let’s see the race course.”

I had imagined a literal race course, perhaps a small dog track where the men sit in stands alternating between waving their bet slips in the air and waving over prostitutes. I guess I took it too literally. The race course turned out to be a circle of shops and restaurants in a downtown casino, where dozens of done up whores walked the circle over and over making eyes at you while Johns sat around arguing with them over prices and what they can get.

The last time I was in a whore house was nearly three years ago in Melbourne, only a couple weeks after having arrived again. Myself, Damon and Charlie had gotten boozed up at Crown casino, then wanted to show me where they spend their free time. The girls were brought in a row and presented by the manager, giving a name and a place of origin. Charlie whipped out a wad of money
“Which one do you want Tony?”
“Whores aren’t my thing Charlie.”
“Too bad, you are getting laid tonight.”
“I told you, not interested, not my thing.”
Charlie stiffened, then in an increased tone repeated.
“You are getting laid tonight my friend.”
Half drunk and annoyed with his stubbornness, I grabbed Charlie stern by the shirt and stared him intently in the eyes.
”Their not my [censored] thing Charlie.”
Despite having nearly a foot in height and 40 pounds on him, Charlie was not intimidated. Quote the Charlie
“You are getting laid tonight my friend.”
He was not to be deterred. I needed a diplomatic solution that didn’t make me look elitist. I reached into my pocket, ripped out my wallet, and grabbed the $120 dollars required for 30 minutes. I walked over to the manager and jammed it into his hand.
“Number 3, for my short friend over there. You’re going upstairs Charlie.”
Charlie didn’t refuse, while I sat downstairs waiting in the lounge with Damon, who couldn’t find a girl he liked.

Some men see a moral dilemma in paying women for sex. I see a mathematical one. The fact is, if you break down that wall, if you go there once, you’re not going to stop. Paying for sex can be a difficult habit to break, and there’s a good reason for it, if you’re not interested in much outside sex it makes perfect mathematical sense. Watch this:

Spending a night with a Macau hooker runs at 500 HK a night. That works out to about $60 USD. It takes as long or as short as you like, but the finding of a woman and negotiation of a price takes only minutes. Every poker player knows time is money. The time sacrifice with a hooker is next to nothing, and the total monetary expenditure (in this case) is $60.

Now, what about with a normal woman? There’s no concrete cost, but most men can agree it’ll end up being larger than $60 dollars. Even if you don’t pay anything for her, the money you spend in activities with her (drinks, dinner, movie, whatever) will likely amount to over $60. But what about success rate? No guy has a 100% success rate, and normal guys who have some level of connection with a woman might bat around .300, about 30%. For some this will be somewhat higher, for many substantially lower. Now, how many hours will it take to get a normal woman in bed? Again, we can’t be concrete, but say you spend a night out with friends or together or whatever, having that number be in multiple hours is of course quite common. Let’s put an average at 3. In my case an hour of my time is worth about ~$150 USD, depending on how many tables I’m playing. Look how the numbers break down:
Time (opportunity) cost: ~5 minutes ($7.50)
Monetary cost: ~$60
Success rate: 100%
Average cost for sex: $67.50

Normal woman:
Time (opportunity) cost: ~3 hours ($450)
Monetary Cost: >$60
Success rate: 30%
Average cost for sex: ~$1,480

End result: On average, cost with a woman, per sexual encounter costs you (well, in this case, me) over $1,400 more with the normal woman. You’ll also get to do whatever you want with no consideration as to your performance. Then again, if you’re after something more, this is all pretty useless, isn’t it?

We headed over to the Wynn Macau after dinner to watch the fountain show. It was no Bellagio, but for Macau it was nice enough. We went inside the Wynn and found a starbucks. Over coffee Ricky peered over the table at me with a glimmer in his eye
“Bond my friend, I think it’s time for some squeezing.”
I smashed my hand down on the table
“[censored] yea! Let’s squeeze some cards.”

Baccarat is to Macau what every other form of gambling is to Las Vegas, it’s everywhere, in escapable. I have little experience with the game outside watching the high rolling degenerates play for tens of thousands a hand in the Crown Mahogany room while I smoke a large cigar and laugh while mooching as much free alcohol as possible. I vaguely knew the rules of the game, but was mostly interested for my potential to squeeze and destroy cards while shouting “PICTCHA!” and “FO SIDE!”

Darren, Ricky and I strolled over to the lowest stakes table we could find (100 HK dollars minimum bet, about 12 USD) and I borrowed 1000 off Ricky. I began shuffling my chips on the felt while the cards were being dealt, and the floor woman came over and lectured me in Chinese.

Darren was given the option to place the cut card on the new deal. He slide the card once along the side of the eight deck shoe, then slide it back another time.
“NO! One time only!” shouted both the dealer and the floor woman.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. Sorry about that.”
As he finished his sentence he raised up the cut card and slammed dramatically into the deck. The card cracked then exploded into pieces onto the felt, entirely by accident. The floor woman looked over at Darren like he’d just stabbed someone and the other players looked at him with pure annoyance and contempt. The scene set me into a fit of laughter, nearly causing me to fall out of my chair. The players then looked at me in annoyance, not understanding what I found amusing in the delay of gambling. Their queer looks only resulted in my laughing harder at them. It took me five minutes to get over it, and ten to get a new cut card.

I spewed my 1000 down to 100, and threw my last bet on the felt. I played banker and banker only, since it’s something like 1% better than player over the long run. I managed to run that 100 back up to 900, and when it looks like I’m about to get out of the whole a new player was dealt in, a grungy looking man of perhaps 50. He played against me on his first hand, throwing 100 on player. He peered down at his cards, then looked up with disgust and threw them face down in annoyance towards the center of the table. The dealer then turned his hand face up, a jack and 9 for a nearly unbeatable natural nine. That mother [censored] slow rolled me, and I wasn’t going to forget it. My stack hung around 700 for a while, deviating within a few hundred each way but never really making any progress. The grungy man only seemed to play one in five hands, waiting for the stars to line up in whatever pattern he imagined inanimate objects might possibly have. Every time he entered a hand as player I made sure I had the largest bet out on banker in hopes of getting an opportunity to slow roll him, but he always won.

After an hour of this annoyance my stack hung at 900. A number of other players had joined the table and I’d yet to take my vengeance on the slow roller. The entire table lined up their bets on player, and I threw my 200 out on banker. The dealer dealt the player cards over to their largest better, and he revealed a jack and ace, for a total of 1. It looked great for me. I crumpled my first card in half, then halve it again in fourths, and the dealer looked at me like a lunatic. I unwrapped my card and revealed a 2, and the second card was a queen, giving me a 2. The dealer slid the next card over to the player side, and he flipped up another 2 for a total of 3. I needed an ace to tie, or a 2-7 to win. I looked over at the slow roller and made a mental prayer.

The dealer slid me my last card and I crumpled it up excruciatingly slow. I peered down at a 7, way more strength than I ever needed. I stared at the card for a while and feigned annoyance and disappointment then in an instant tabled the card face up, collected my bet and left.

We headed back to the hotel and made arrangements to play the mega satellite the next day. Now I sit in my hotel room, with the enormous Venetian looming outside my window, illuminating the night sky.
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Old 11-21-2007, 02:59 PM
Dawg24 Dawg24 is offline
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Default Re: APPT Macau Trip Report part 1, The New Sin City

you have a great talent for writing...

thanks for the report....
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Old 11-21-2007, 03:19 PM
shaundeeb shaundeeb is offline
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Default Re: APPT Macau Trip Report part 1, The New Sin City

coach me at writing.
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Old 11-21-2007, 03:19 PM
GSykes GSykes is offline
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Default Re: APPT Macau Trip Report part 1, The New Sin City

amazing trip report once again
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Old 11-21-2007, 03:20 PM
DontRaiseMeBro DontRaiseMeBro is offline
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Default Re: APPT Macau Trip Report part 1, The New Sin City

The Average Cost of Sex by Bond18

Bestseller imo
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Old 11-21-2007, 04:11 PM
Merek007 Merek007 is offline
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Default Re: APPT Macau Trip Report part 1, The New Sin City

coach deeb at spelling .

[/ QUOTE ]
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Old 11-21-2007, 04:45 PM
Illogistix Illogistix is offline
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Default Re: APPT Macau Trip Report part 1, The New Sin City

Mate, that's some goddamn hilarious sheeeet. Best report ever. Watch out for the "normals." They'll bleed you dry.
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Old 11-21-2007, 04:48 PM
hERESY hERESY is offline
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Default Re: APPT Macau Trip Report part 1, The New Sin City

I vaguely knew the rules of the game, but was mostly interested for my potential to squeeze and destroy cards while shouting “PICTCHA!” and “FO SIDE!”

[/ QUOTE ] ^favorite line.
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Old 11-21-2007, 04:59 PM
cking cking is offline
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Default Re: APPT Macau Trip Report part 1, The New Sin City

lol love the revenge slowroll
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Old 11-21-2007, 05:08 PM
kutuz_off kutuz_off is offline
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Default Re: APPT Macau Trip Report part 1, The New Sin City

Macau is like Las Vegas if Mao Tse Dung and John Gotti took turns vomiting on it.
The air is polluted and dirty like the banners for whores that litter the streets.
Darren suggested a place with a guy who serves Tea like an extra from an Ang Lee movie, whipping his long barreled tea pot around like a ninja on ecstasy.

[/ QUOTE ]

Great [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]
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