OT: Holy [censored], I'm Getting Married!

[Soulman]

Congrats! I don't know you, but from your posts here you seem like a good catch for any bride [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

If I were to give a single piece of advice (I'm 32, not married but lived with the same girl for 12 years, more common here than in the US), it would be to allow each other space - be individuals as well as a couple. I've seen too many of my friends become inseparable in a bad sense after marriage - give each other some space, it will definitely strengthen the relationship. This will become more important as time goes by.

Also, be generous with each other - keeping tabs of who does what in the house etc is a recipe for bitterness and disaster. Consider dividing chores between you, so that <x> is clearly your responsibility, while <y> is hers. You have no idea how much arguing this can forestall - household chore arguments are among the most unnecessary ones, but can definitely cause a lot of bitterness. Avoiding them altogether is a simple, yet elegant solution.

Guess that was two pieces of advice :/

[Velocity]

grats clayton

[Rocco]

Congrats! Getting married next year and looking forward to all the planning. I proposed last Friday so it'll basically be a whole year until the big day. I just want to wish you a nice wedding day and a fantastic honeymoon. Where are you guys going by the way?

[rubixxcube]

Congrats man. I just got married a month ago.

As many have said the day itself will go by very fast.
Piece of advice that nobody else mentioned. try to keep the wedding party sober and together until after pictures. If you can keep them all together the pictures go faster and partying begins sooner.

Kramer on a semi-related question. Where does your wife fall in the poker category?
Does she play seriously? Casually? or not at all? Does she care that you play? supportive? Does she go with you to casino/tournaments?

Was just wondering if she doesn't play if that affects your relationship. I feel i got very lucky as my wife plays poker as well so its no big deal for me to play as she wants to go the casino just as much as i do which makes it really nice. In fact i met my wife at a local low limit home game 4 years ago.

[registrar]

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Any of you old married men wanna throw out a word of advice that you wish you had when you first took the plunge?


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credentials - 40 yr old, happily married over my head for 18 years.

(1) For her: "Every man wants his wife to be a lady in front of his friends and a whore in the bedroom"

(2) Not every secret needs to be told.

(3) The best way to not break promises is to not make them. If you do make them, keep them. Trust is required in marriage and it's very hard to get back if you lose it.

(4) Under promise - over perform.

(5) Don't ever go to bed mad.

(6) Her clock isn't anywhere near finished at 24, enjoy each other. When kids come, there will be times when those memories you're making now will get you to the next day.

(7) If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

(8) Honor her and ask her to honor you. DO NOT talk bad about her to your parents/friends and ask that she doesn't also. Many times after you've gotten passed a small bump the in-laws/friends will hold on to that fault for a looooong time.


None of that should be new, but don't forget it.

Congratulations and good luck!!!!

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Yeah. This is all good. Wish I could do even some of the above.

Buying flowers once in a while is about as far as I get but it's amazing how far that gets you.

Anyway, good luck. I've been married for seven often rocky years but I've never regretted it. The institution of marriage rocks.

[DanielleRB]

Some advice from a happily married woman who taught her husband how to play poker 10 years ago to stop the craps leak! (married for 8 years with 2 kids)

You will wake up some days and loving her will be easy - you will see all the good and all the reasons why you chose each other...

Then you will wake up other days that are harder to love her - the good things will be hard to spot and all you will see is the annoying nagging (insert anything here) - those are the days you have to "choose" to love her - if you don't, then enough of these bad days string together to put a wall between you...and women hate walls...that is when women go look for someone else to give them what they think they are missing.

I hope your wedding is fun and you take many mental snap shots...something will surely go wrong/not perfect. We agreed that this would happen in advance and when it did, we laughed our arses off saying "is that all that can go bad?"

Good luck - and if I had one wish for you (or any of my poker playing friends) I hope she understands your poker and doesn't ask you to stop and "get serious" about life...

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[BlueEcho]

Best Wishes Kramer, from another married guy on here!!!!

[sapsuckah]

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Def wait a few years to have a kid. Having my son is the best thing that ever happened to me. But it's all consuming. You are 24 and you guys should enjoy the things in life that require less attachments, like travel, spending money, etc. When it happens though, life becomes so much more meaningful.

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QFT, word for word.

Mazel tov!

[SammySlim]

Lots of good advice in here. I am on my second marriage (three years in), this time to the right girl, after 14 long years with the wrong one. I've come to learn some lessons the hard way, believe me. But of course, all this advice is worth exactly what you're paying for it ... [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

1. Be honest. Nothing poisons a relationship more than lying. Even if she won't like what you're saying (like "I was out with my buds drinking"), it's better than lying about it (e.g., "I had to work late") - then she will have trouble believing you on the important stuff. And strange and weird things will happen to you in life - so when you explain them, it sure helps if she believes you are honest.

2. Stay faithful. Obvious, maybe, but a huge percentage of married men (and women) can't do it. Just say no to temptation, and if you can figure out what you need and get it at home, you are waaaay better off. Here's where good communication skills and trust really come in handy. Just don't do it.

3. Be gentle with each other. You are each going to have good days and bad days (she'll probably have some bad days about once a month...). Just be gentle and accepting, even when she's unreasonable. Because you'll really appreciate it when you're being unreasonable.

4. Laugh at yourselves. As someone said, you're bound to start fighting over stupid stuff. Remember, it's funny when you see Ben Stiller do it on screen - so try to take a breath and see the humor in the conflict and you'll both enjoy a good laugh (not to mention getting to the makeup sex faster!). Married life is full of humor if we only look for it - and a good sense of humor is essential to a successful marriage.

5. Count your blessings - remember that every cup is at least partly full and partly empty. It can sure be tempting to look at the empty parts and not to see how fortunate you are to have the full part. Every day, remind yourself of something great about your wife. And the empty bits will seem a lot smaller. We're all imperfect - you included. If you see your cup as mostly full, she'll do the same.

6. Long term love is a choice as much (or more) than an emotion. Our lives are an accumulation of our choices (much like a poker tournament), and so each day make a conscious choice to love your wife. Doing that is not only respectful, it essentially eliminates the risk of anyone being taken for granted - and at the core, that's what leads to most marital problems.

Have a great wedding and mazel tov!

Cheers

[iMsoLucky0]

Congrats bud!

I've been married 2 years and it's been very good.

The only advice I have is never go golfing on an important day, you'll pay for it.