Two Plus Two Newer Archives  

Go Back   Two Plus Two Newer Archives > General Poker Discussion > News, Views, and Gossip

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #11  
Old 08-14-2006, 08:57 PM
yimyammer yimyammer is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 619
Default Re: Is a Rounders sequel happening?

lol, especially the G Mol part
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 08-14-2006, 09:09 PM
yimyammer yimyammer is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 619
Default Re: Is a Rounders sequel happening?

[ QUOTE ]
I like this one better:

EuroRounders

Michel (voiceover): "If you can't find the boorish American hold'em player at the table within half an hour, you are the boorish American hold'em player."

-----

TITLE/CREDITS. This entire movie is in black and white, with subtitles.

-----

Michel (voiceover): "This game is really scummy, and well above what I can afford to play. My entire bankroll is riding on this one session going well. This is Teddy CIA's place, where they only play Pot Limit Omaha, the most sophisticated game in Europe."

- Michel knocks on the window -

Teddy CIA: "You want poker, or whore?"

Michel: "Poker. Give me three stacks of high, elitist society."

-----

Michel: "I raise."

Teddy CIA: "It's a position raise. I call."

- The flop comes 5-7-A, with two diamonds -

Michel: "I bet the pot."

Teddy CIA: "I raise the pot."

Michel: "I reraise the pot."

Teddy CIA: "I reraise the pot."

Michel: "Pot."

Teddy CIA: "Pot."

Michel: "Pot."

Teddy CIA: "Pot."

Michel: "Pot."

Teddy CIA: "Pot."

Michel (voiceover): "I sit back and think. I have three aces - the best possible hand. I want him to think I'm debating a call, but really I'm just thinking about Monte Carlo, and whatever the [censored] is in Monte Carlo."

Michel: *shrugs* "Okay, well, I re-pot it, I'm all in, because I don't think you have a pair." *winks at the camera*

Teddy CIA: "Who are you winking at? It doesn't matter, I call."

Michel (voiceover): "I know before he even says it."

Teddy CIA: "I have 8-6-4-3 with two diamonds, for a wrap straight draw and a flush draw, which is a favorite over your top set."

- Turn is a King. River is a 2 which gives Teddy CIA an ace-to-five straight for the win. -

- Michel sits there, shell-shocked. -

Joey Croissant: "Come on, I'll get you a whore."

-----

Michel (voiceover): "Well, that sucked. Since then, I've sworn off of poker and made my living as a roadside prostitute for boorish American tourists. Hopefully, I can pay my way through law school that way. I can always find games, though. I could turn this truck onto the road and be at the Taj in 19 and a half hours."

-----

Michel (voiceover): "I'm here to pick my friend Worm up from prison."

- Worm walks out of prison -

Michel: "Worm! It's wonderful to see you!"

- They kiss each other passionately on the mouth -

Michel: "How was prison?"

Worm: "I was brutally sodomized on a regular basis."

-----

Michel: "Look...Croissant, I never told you this, but about a year ago, I was playing poker at the Casino des Atlantes, and Marcel Luske walks in. He sits down at the 50/100 pot limit game. And, I mean, the whole place stops, right? Just watching this guy play. After a while there isn't a retarded European gambling game going, because everybody's just, you know, watching this guy."

- Joey Croissant nods -

Michel: "So you know what I did? I sat down."

Joey Croissant: "No way, you need at least 300,000 euros to sit down at a game like that. Such bad financial management is typical of a boorish American!"

- Joey Croissant and Michel laugh for twenty-six minutes -

Michel: "Right, okay, but seriously, I played for an hour, doing nothing but folding. Then I won a huge pot."

Joey Croissant: "Aces? Kings? Ace-King doublesuited? Suited aces? High connectors? Middle doublesuited connectors? Two big pair?"

Michel: "Rags."

Joey Croissant: "That's probably fine too, you're only like a 48/52 dog."

Michel: "I raised. And he came over the top of me, like I was a boorish American. I re-popped it. He potted it again. I think for like two seconds and then I re-pot it."

Joey Croissant: "Jesus [censored] Christ, how much money did you have?"

Michel: "After I bet I would quietly slide my chips back toward my stack, nobody noticed. Anyway, he thinks for a while, looks at me, checks his cards again, and he mucks. I take it down. And then he looks at me and says, 'I have to know. Did you have it?' And I said, 'I'm sorry Marcel, I can't remember.'"

Joey Croissant: "Face!"

Michel: "I know, totally. Anyway, based on that one hand, I felt confident gambling for all the money I had, at one time."

-----

Law Professor: "I am a Jew."

Michel: "I hate you."

-----

Teddy CIA: "We play, heads up, Pot Limit Omaha, 25 and 50 blinds, until one of us has it all?"

Michel: "Out of sheer curiosity, you realize you're giving up like boat loads of equity by agreeing to gamble for money that's effectively yours anyway, right? That you could just not let me play, and then kill me and take what I have?"

Teddy CIA: "I know, but I am a boorish American!"

- Michel and Teddy CIA laugh for seventy-two minutes -

-----

Michel (voiceover): "I pick up Ace-Ace-Jack-Ten doublesuited."

Michel: "I raise the pot."

Teddy CIA: "Very aggressive. But, I reraise the pot."

Michael (voiceover): "He's representing Ace-Ace-King-King doublesuited, the only hand better than mine. I can't call, and give him a chance to catch. I can only fold...if I believe him."

Michel: "I reraise, I'm all in."

Teddy CIA: "Take it down."

-----

- The flop reads 10-9-5, with two spades -

Michel: "Pot."

Teddy CIA: "Pot."

Michel: "Pot."

Teddy CIA: "Pot."

Michel: "Pot."

Teddy CIA: "Pot."

Michel: "Pot. I'm all in."

Teddy CIA: "Alright, I call. What do you have?"

Michel: "Jack high flush draw and middle set."

Teddy CIA: "Wrap, with a king high flush draw."

Michel: "Boy, I sure hope my 5:4 edge holds up, otherwise I am going to die."

- Turn is an off-suit 5, giving Michel an unbeatable hand. But the river is the ace of spades anyway, because it's always the [censored] ace of spades. -

Teddy CIA: "He beat me. Pay that man his money. His silly, silly-looking European money."

-----

Cab Driver: "Where are you off to?"

Michel: "Monte Carlo."

Cab Driver: "Good luck."

Michel: "Shut the [censored] up."

[/ QUOTE ]

lmao, good stuff!
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 08-14-2006, 09:50 PM
multious multious is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Montreal
Posts: 1,941
Default Re: Is a Rounders sequel happening?

i think Tiger Woods as Phil Ivey would be amazin
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 08-14-2006, 11:26 PM
PairTheBoard PairTheBoard is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 3,460
Default Re: Is a Rounders sequel happening?

In Rounders II Michael will have amnesia and spend the entire movie trying to remember how to play poker.

PairTheBoard
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 08-14-2006, 11:26 PM
Dale Dough Dale Dough is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 1,043
Default Re: Is a Rounders sequel happening?

After a tilting session, remembering the Euro-Rounders post, I read this just to be entertained. Please, someone, write another such parody, I need some distraction. :hearT:
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 08-15-2006, 12:43 AM
TStoneMBD TStoneMBD is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 11,274
Default Re: Is a Rounders sequel happening?

omg man i laughed so hard reading all of that. thats just brilliant.
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 08-15-2006, 02:03 AM
dankhank dankhank is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: stagnating
Posts: 2,420
Default Re: Is a Rounders sequel happening?

i would go see this movie
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 08-15-2006, 07:43 PM
toss toss is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Almusto
Posts: 7,915
Default Re: Is a Rounders sequel happening?

I like sweetjazz's version:

[ QUOTE ]
Maybe this Rounders 3, but I heard that it was Worm who vouched for the wrong guy, and had 5 days to make $15K. He created a Wormbot and had it playing multiple tables at Party, but had his money confiscated when officials noticed a dramatic upsurge in the frequency of "Women are the mother****ing rake" lines in chat. He needs help, so he interrupts Mike while he is porking his lawyer girlfriend.

Mike goes and finds Teddy KGB who has become a titled LAG since his last defeat. On the final hand, Mike bluff raises his 52 at the river on a AKQJ3 board, and Teddy puts him all-in. Mike's about to muck, when he notices Teddy's tell for the anti-nuts (my term for the worst possible hand) -- his wet crotch (not sure why Mike was looking there -- a definite hole in the plot) and a faint but growing smell of urine in the air.

"I call," Mike says confidently. He shows his 52, and we see from the new hole-card cam that Teddy had 42. Vince Van Patten is heard in the background screaming "Tremendous!" while Mike Sexton is praising Mike's poker instincts. The cash falls from the ceiling and Worm runs to pick it up, while Mike dumps his lawyer gf and takes Shana Hiatt to his hotel room and bones her.


[/ QUOTE ]

Link to one of 2p2's best thread evar: Old Rounders 2 Thread
Reply With Quote
  #19  
Old 11-27-2007, 08:28 PM
jezmond jezmond is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 31
Default Re: Is a Rounders sequel happening?

I wrote a sequel this morning, let me know what you think

------ Opening ------

(Intro music plays)

Listen here's the thing
If you spot the guy that looks like Matt Damon
Then tell him to manage his bankroll

------ WSOP ------

(Damon sits down at the table, Doyle to his left, Slim to his right, and Chan opposite)

Damon: Johnny [censored] chan!
Chan: Hey! you're that arrogant little punk that raised me then walked out the casino
Damon: Sorry John I don't remember, but 30 grand says I know what you're all holding
Slim: I don't make a bet like that. Lets make it 500 grand
Damon: (coughs) Well, Doyle is hoping his spades are going to hold up....
Doyle: ...Er...aces full mike

(Damon does his I can't believe it look, Knish comes over to console him)

------ Outside the WSOP ------

Knish: Didn't I tell you, didn't I say don't make a bet with Amarillo Slim
Damon: You told me a lot of things
Knish: I was giving you a living mike but here's a gun instead.

(Damon puts the gun to his head)

Damon: Joey
Knish: What?
Damon: You know, I never told anyone this, but I really regret not banging Petra.

(Damon blows his head off and falls in the gutter)

------ Ending ------

(Outro music plays)

People insist on calling it a skill game
But it doesn't matter how much talent you have
If you're an egotistical moron like Mike McD
You're gonna end up broke
Reply With Quote
  #20  
Old 11-27-2007, 08:57 PM
Dan. Dan. is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: The European Phenom
Posts: 3,836
Default Re: Is a Rounders sequel happening?

yimyammer,

Thank you for quoting that whole thing.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 01:18 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.11
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions Inc.