Since KKF such good advice....A short story I wrote...etc.

[JMP300z]

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I'm out of the OOT loop. Is fish2plus2 = KKF? I've heard references to that but I'm not sure.

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ARE U SERIOUS?

[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

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Yes. If it's really obvious either way just tell me and I'll deal with the shame of not knowing my OOT trivia.

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yes he is.

-JP

[JMP300z]

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"I’ve never met anyone who died in a plane crash"
This line jolted me out of the mood you were setting to say "well, duh!" to myself.
If it were mine I'd change met to known.
Or maybe something more colorful like many of your other lines
-I've never known anyone who met their demise in a <decriptive image of plane wreck here>.

Or maybe you inteded for that statement to be ridiculously obvious. Good read.

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Thanks... Yah that statement was supposed to be loaded w/ irony. I can see it being too much though.

-JP

[JMP300z]

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I really like your writing, but I have to say that the whole fear of flying thing is kind of a cliche. By that I mean that it's kind of been done to death. See if you can target your talent at something more unique.

Again, though, great wordsmithing and imagery. Look forward to more.

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Thanks for the great compliment and I agree that the fear of flying is overdone. I was hoping the relationship twist would break the cliche a bit but I fear that was a bit optimistic of me.

-JP

[BPA234]

You are about half-way there. Unlike most, if you worked hard, you could get there. If writing is a passion; pound away.

[Dominic]

wow, I really like this. great job. I won't repeat what everyone else said, but you have real talent. Keep writing these things...you need to send them to some magazines.

Again, congrats. As a fellow writer I'm envious of your gift.

[gimmetheloot]

J, this is very, very good.

[marchron]

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Again, congrats. As a fellow writer I'm envious of your gift.

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Ditto.

I almost don't want this to be expanded upon, since it's great by itself as a short story.

By the by, re the "earth's solidarity" quandary, just eliminate the second word altogether: Every so often I open the shade and glance down trying to catch a glimpse of the towering metal pole that I am sure is holding us afloat. I could sooner rationalize a giant rope tethering us to the earth propelling us outwards in some colossal centripetal device than buy into the hocus-pocus pseudo-physics of flying.

See? It works.

[Big Poppa Smurf]

JP,

you write very well, but i felt the topic (fear of flying and a strained relationship) were kind of cliched. as i was reading it, i got this weird split where i was very impressed by your style but kind of expecting something more original.

[JMP300z]

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wow, I really like this. great job. I won't repeat what everyone else said, but you have real talent. Keep writing these things...you need to send them to some magazines.

Again, congrats. As a fellow writer I'm envious of your gift.

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Thank you everyone for the high praise.

Also, thank you for the dropping the solidarity suggestion...what a simple/obvious and elegant solution.

-JP

[JMP300z]

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JP,

you write very well, but i felt the topic (fear of flying and a strained relationship) were kind of cliched. as i was reading it, i got this weird split where i was very impressed by your style but kind of expecting something more original.

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It would seem that this is a common criticism and, I would say, a definitely valid one. The problem is that my life is so damn cliche. (20 somethin, student, deals w/ relationships and parents who are going crazy, trying to not leave behind childhood yet trying to project myself out into society and affect human peoples, etc blah blah).

Anyways, Ive been reading a lot of Borges lately [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] (highly recommend Labrynths to anyone) and I think an exercise of writing a story in his style might help me break the mold...maybe pick a narrator who is not so similar to me. It wont be as good at first but itll make me better.

Anyways, my goal is to punch something out by the end of the week and ill post it here.

-JP

Ps. Is this better suited for the lounge?