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#11
12-11-2006, 10:45 PM
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Re: Since KKF such good advice....A short story I wrote...etc.
-take out the O-Town reference. It seems out of place.
-"I envision two kinds of people in this world, those who recline their seats on an airplane and those who don’t have their head up their ass." Really, great and true. -I really like the end where you start getting anti-social talking about the other passengers. I really wanted the story to keep on going at that point when it ended. -The Jonas illusion is awesome Overall, if someone told me that some famous writer wrote this I would not question them. Its really great, I didnt want it to end. 
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#12
12-12-2006, 11:25 AM
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Re: Since KKF such good advice....A short story I wrote...etc.
[ QUOTE ]
-take out the O-Town reference. It seems out of place. -"I envision two kinds of people in this world, those who recline their seats on an airplane and those who don’t have their head up their ass." Really, great and true. -I really like the end where you start getting anti-social talking about the other passengers. I really wanted the story to keep on going at that point when it ended. -The Jonas illusion is awesome Overall, if someone told me that some famous writer wrote this I would not question them. Its really great, I didnt want it to end. [/ QUOTE ] Thanks....really thank you. Im kind of interested in the idea of the story not ending. I think this story works well because the ending is so neat but I suppose it could just end chapter and turn 180 degrees, jump ahead in time or switch to a new character. That could work. Ive tried to write longer stories (the longest being a bout 8 msword pages, no idea how many words) but I ramble and run out of stuff. I think im pretty poor at character development. The main problem I encounter is that being 23 doesnt provide me with a whole lot of experience to draw on and my characters all become me. I started something for that national november novel month deal that was posted but it never got past 3 pages at which point I edited it down to 1 page and then finally deleted all but about 5 scattered sentences I liked. I think this is typical for getting started in writing. I think even this little bit of modest encouragement was good for me as due to school and my gf taking up my life I havent written much of anything worthwhile in the last 4 months. I am now motivated to write more. I can post other stories if there is interest and will def. post any new stuff. Thanks again. -JP -Oh yah, the O town thing is a joke for a friend that I sent it to that I know doesnt really belong.
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#13
12-12-2006, 11:38 AM
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Re: Since KKF such good advice....A short story I wrote...etc.
I'm out of the OOT loop. Is fish2plus2 = KKF? I've heard references to that but I'm not sure.
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#14
12-12-2006, 11:51 AM
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Re: Since KKF such good advice....A short story I wrote...etc.
[ QUOTE ]
Im kind of interested in the idea of the story not ending. I think this story works well because the ending is so neat but I suppose it could just end chapter and turn 180 degrees, jump ahead in time or switch to a new character. That could work. [/ QUOTE ] Good stuff. If you decide to made the story longer, just remember to save the plane crash for the end.
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#15
12-12-2006, 11:59 AM
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Re: Since KKF such good advice....A short story I wrote...etc.
i really enjoyed this OP, you have a good narrative style. i definitely found myself wanting to know more about amy and enjoying the dudes inner monologue about the other passengers. good stuff.
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#16
12-12-2006, 12:20 PM
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Re: Since KKF such good advice....A short story I wrote...etc.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] -take out the O-Town reference. It seems out of place. -"I envision two kinds of people in this world, those who recline their seats on an airplane and those who don’t have their head up their ass." Really, great and true. -I really like the end where you start getting anti-social talking about the other passengers. I really wanted the story to keep on going at that point when it ended. -The Jonas illusion is awesome Overall, if someone told me that some famous writer wrote this I would not question them. Its really great, I didnt want it to end. [/ QUOTE ] Thanks....really thank you. Im kind of interested in the idea of the story not ending. I think this story works well because the ending is so neat but I suppose it could just end chapter and turn 180 degrees, jump ahead in time or switch to a new character. That could work. Ive tried to write longer stories (the longest being a bout 8 msword pages, no idea how many words) but I ramble and run out of stuff. I think im pretty poor at character development. The main problem I encounter is that being 23 doesnt provide me with a whole lot of experience to draw on and my characters all become me. I started something for that national november novel month deal that was posted but it never got past 3 pages at which point I edited it down to 1 page and then finally deleted all but about 5 scattered sentences I liked. I think this is typical for getting started in writing. I think even this little bit of modest encouragement was good for me as due to school and my gf taking up my life I havent written much of anything worthwhile in the last 4 months. I am now motivated to write more. I can post other stories if there is interest and will def. post any new stuff. Thanks again. -JP -Oh yah, the O town thing is a joke for a friend that I sent it to that I know doesnt really belong. [/ QUOTE ] I would love to read more of your stuff. Keep working at it; your stuff is better than a lot of stuff on my bookshelf right now.
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#17
12-12-2006, 03:02 PM
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Re: Since KKF such good advice....A short story I wrote...etc.
I really like your writing, but I have to say that the whole fear of flying thing is kind of a cliche. By that I mean that it's kind of been done to death. See if you can target your talent at something more unique.
Again, though, great wordsmithing and imagery. Look forward to more.
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#18
12-12-2006, 03:10 PM
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Re: Since KKF such good advice....A short story I wrote...etc.
[ QUOTE ]
I'm out of the OOT loop. Is fish2plus2 = KKF? I've heard references to that but I'm not sure. [/ QUOTE ] ARE U SERIOUS? [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]
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#19
12-12-2006, 03:20 PM
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Re: Since KKF such good advice....A short story I wrote...etc.
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] I'm out of the OOT loop. Is fish2plus2 = KKF? I've heard references to that but I'm not sure. [/ QUOTE ] ARE U SERIOUS? [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] [/ QUOTE ] Yes. If it's really obvious either way just tell me and I'll deal with the shame of not knowing my OOT trivia.
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#20
12-12-2006, 03:38 PM
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Re: Since KKF such good advice....A short story I wrote...etc.
"I’ve never met anyone who died in a plane crash"
This line jolted me out of the mood you were setting to say "well, duh!" to myself. If it were mine I'd change met to known. Or maybe something more colorful like many of your other lines -I've never known anyone who met their demise in a <decriptive image of plane wreck here>. Or maybe you inteded for that statement to be ridiculously obvious. Good read.
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