Major breakup, avoiding tilt.

[2461Badugi]

I'm going through a major mutual breakup right now, of a long-distance relationship that I took very, very seriously. Fortunately for me but unfortunately for my poker game, we're trying to find a way to be important to each other without being in a relationship. That's going to be a lot of work, and emotionally hard for me for an indefinite period of time. And the truth is that I'm still madly in love with her, even though I recognize that we can't be good for each other being together. I don't know what that's going to do to me either.

I have the resources to handle all of that, outside of figuring out what it means to my game selection. That's why I've come here. Letting it creep into my game and tilting off my bankroll is obviously something I want to avoid. In the pre-UIGEA environment, I could simply have decided to play 1/2 limit and bonus whore until I felt better about myself and my game. Obviously that isn't an option anymore. So I'm looking for advice on keeping my poker game on track, or more importantly keeping it from ruining me when it goes off track. I feel like it's inevitable that I'm going to make a lot less money in the near future, and that's OK, as long as I can find a way to make some. Poker is my only income, but I'm fortunate enough to not need the money.

My main games up until this weekend were $10/$20 2-7 Triple Draw and Stud/8, plus lower games as they looked good, or when the higher ones weren't running. I've also been playing a lot of WCOOP sats recently, and HU LHE and Razz. I've been reading the HU forum a lot and thinking about getting into HU SnGs and/or HU NL cash. I've won fairly well at ring LHE and NL SnGs in the past.

Things that I'm considering, in no particular order:

1. Play a ton of 1/2 Stud/8, 2/4 TD, and low-limit Razz for Stars VIP and FTP reload. It's hard not to beat those games.
2. Play a ton of low-limit MTTs. I can tilt like a mad thing in a $1 Razz tourney, and have it be cost-effective. Learning to play NLHE MTTs could be a useful skill.
3. Pour all of my energy into learning a new game, likely ring or HU cash NLHE, HU SnGs, or Omaha/8. Concentrate hard enough on it that I don't have time to think about how miserable I am. (This theory is actually how I got started in poker in the first place.)
4. Quit. Concentrate on something else, like music. Leave a few hundred bucks online to leave myself the option of coming back.

I'm always open to other ideas, too. Or any advice anyone has.

[mce86]

You live near an actual casino? I'd think maybe playing live poker for awhile would be a good distraction. I dont know about you, but playing at home leaves alot more time to be thinking of other things esp. since social interaction is minimal.
My fiance and I broke up last year, and it was the breakup that got me into playineg cards more seriously...but live play. You could easily play 8 hours and make some money, not like online, but enough im sure.

[2461Badugi]

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You live near an actual casino? I'd think maybe playing live poker for awhile would be a good distraction.

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That's a good thought. So far all indications are that I suck at live poker, but it's not very many sessions. Might be worth a try. Thanks.

[Hoi Polloi]

Maybe it's enough that poker is your means of earning a living. Perhaps it is too much to expect it also to be your emotional support through a difficult period like this.

Work can sometimes be a relief that takes your mind off your woes, but I'm not sure poker works like that. Plus if you drag ass through a few days on the job your income isn't affected.

If you can afford to take some time maybe you could find a better means for dealing with your loss.

Good luck.

[Praxising]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm going through a major mutual breakup right now, of a long-distance relationship that I took very, very seriously. Fortunately for me but unfortunately for my poker game, we're trying to find a way to be important to each other without being in a relationship. That's going to be a lot of work, and emotionally hard for me for an indefinite period of time. And the truth is that I'm still madly in love with her, even though I recognize that we can't be good for each other being together. I don't know what that's going to do to me either.....

I'm always open to other ideas, too. Or any advice anyone has.

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Here's my advice: don't do this to yourself. You can bring intellectual discipline to poker by force of will. But being "important to each other" WITHOUT being in a relationship? So, your like, a fan of the Marquis de Sade? With you as the victim? Oh, Man, do NOT do that. Clean break. At least one year.

Your next relationship is already out there. But not happening until this one's cleared your airspace. You just can't both keep circling the field.

Why not leave the poker be, pretty much, and take up a new physical sport, fill whatever free time you used to fill with her? get some stress out? Boxing, fencing, some martial art - whatever. Keeps depression at bay. Meet some new people in a new place. Get some self-esteem and and more oxygen to your brain? No downside.

[_Towelie_]

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Here's my advice: don't do this to yourself. You can bring intellectual discipline to poker by force of will. But being "important to each other" WITHOUT being in a relationship? So, your like, a fan of the Marquis de Sade? With you as the victim? Oh, Man, do NOT do that. Clean break. At least one year.

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Yea man if you don't see the obvious harm in trying to remain 'important' to her than you need to wake up. It needs to end completely - at least until you've moved on emotionally.

[chesspain]

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I'm going through a major mutual breakup right now, of a long-distance relationship that I took very, very seriously.

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We're trying to find a way to be important to each other without being in a relationship.

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And the truth is that I'm still madly in love with her.

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I have the resources to handle all of [the above]

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Dude, please stop deluding yourself into thinking that batting .500 is as good in matters of the heart as it is in baseball.

[thomaz]

If you worry whether or not you might tilt/ be off your game then the only way to see is to try it out. My only advice:

1) Be ready to quit if things are going bad... even if you don't think you're playing badly... you could well be, and if you start losing it won't do you any good.

2)Sounds silly, but maybe get a poker playing friend to help you out if you're playing online... it can help a lot having someone tell you when you're about to get stacked against the tightest player at the table because you got tied to your pair!

[2461Badugi]

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Dude, please stop deluding yourself into thinking that batting .500 is as good in matters of the heart as it is in baseball.

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I'm not pretending this is a good place to be, or that finding a way forward from here is going to be easy. But I'd appreciate it if people would give me credit for my choices being in line with my resources and my goals. Explaining that would take me all day and open up a lot more of my life to 2+2 than I want to, so can we maybe talk about my poker game?

[_Towelie_]

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I'm not pretending this is a good place to be, or that finding a way forward from here is going to be easy. But I'd appreciate it if people would give me credit for my choices being in line with my resources and my goals.

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Ok man what ev, but you're going to needlessly put yourself in a ludicrous situation. Maybe I'm just caving too easy, but I guess it's possible that you have some magical resources that the rest of humanity doesn't have.

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so can we maybe talk about my poker game?

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The GF problem is the greatest threat to your poker game right now. If you can't concentrate you're going to lose money, so don't put any serious time in until you can concentrate.