Marriage: One unfaithfulness exception, or none?

[garcia1000]

Hey guys.

In the coming few years, I may marry with my girlfriend. She is really nice. One thing I am thinking of is, say, after we are married, one of us has an affair. At this point, it looks extremely unlikely, but after reading some threads elsewhere I thought that I should better plan out my flowchart.

How damaging is it for someone to have an affair? Does this change if there are children? Is it automatically divorce if that happens? What would be any mitigating circumstances?

I am thinking of saying that we each get one chance, and after that it's instant split. Is this good? Will the marriage survive if an affair is had and discovered? Would it be better to have no chances instead?

I know that wanting to have an affair is a very human thing, and is natural. We have to resist the temptation, but it can be hard for some people. Any advice?

I am sure that I can bring this up with her without causing problems, our relationship is good.

[CardSharpCook]

you probably should never bring this up. It will be a weird conversation with no real point. You can never really know how you are going to react to infidelity until it comes up. Personally, I like to think that I might be able to forgive some mythical future wife, but who really knows. It is a broken trust, and sometimes that can neer be repaired.

[cianosheehan]

DONT bring this up with your gf. Your supposed to be in love, not making a deal. Saying that you each get one chance is like saying that you will only do it once.

If you are serious about marriage, you shouldn't want to have an affair. If it happens it happens, and deal with it if it does at the time.

If your future wife did have an affair, and you found out and she came and said 'well we did say we could have 1 right?'...how messed up would that be? 'oh ok honey, that's cool'.

[Pete H]

[ QUOTE ]
DONT bring this up with your gf.

[/ QUOTE ]
Yep. [censored] now, think later.

[dylan's alias]

This is just plain retarded. Stop talking about this immediately. You say that an affair is "extremely unlikely." Are you sure? If so, get married and live your life. If it is more likely than you say, then you need to seriously reevaluate getting married.

I'm sure there are marriages that have survived an affair. Best not to find out if yours is one of them.

[amplify]

[ QUOTE ]
I am sure that I can bring this up with her without causing problems

[/ QUOTE ]
Picture yourself in the last panel of a Konrad.

[splashpot]

Being able to forgive your wife after the fact is very different from making a deal for one freebie now.

[quirkasaurus]

Follow these rules:

a.) never have an affair.
b.) if tempted to have an affair, slit your throat first.

if your spouse cheats, and you keep her, fine.
if your spouse cheats, and you divorce her, fine.
it's up to you.

[BigPoppa]

Don't get married.
I'm completely serious.
Don't get married.


If you are thinking about this now, you aren't ready to commit to one woman for the rest of your life. You just aren't. You want the benefits of being in a loving, stable relationship while still being able to get some strange every now and then. It doesn't work that way.


The only reason you'd possibly bring this up to your girlfriend is if you are already angling for forgiveness years in advance or you are subconsciously trying to wreck the engagement now (probably both). Best to cool it on the marriage front until you're able to commit with the knowledge that you will actively fight off the temptation when it comes rather than trying to arrange an excuse to give in to it.

edit: I know this comes off as pretty harsh, but it needed to be. If you're not ready to settle down (with all that entails), you're just setting yourselves up for a lot of pain. If you are thinking anything other than "[censored] no, I'd never cheat on her", you're pretty much doomed.

[Gildwulf]

Haha, I can just imagine this conversation.

"So honey, before we get married we each get one 'get out of infidelity free card', right?"

"...."

To be honest this is totally idiosyncratic and you'll never know whether you can forgive her until it happens.