Optimal number of friends

The DaveR · #1 10-14-2007, 01:00 PM

Everyone has some finite amount of time during the day and limits to which they can tolerate other people (i.e. a general amount of time they need alone). I think I can handle about 3-4 good friends at any time, by which I mean the number of people I'm in weekly contact either by phone or in person. This is the high number. When I was 25 the number was about double. I suspect in another 10 years the number will contract slightly.

A couple clarifications. I generally do not consider people at work friends and I make a conscious effort to keep work time distinct from social time. There are a wider set of friends--7 or 8--where I can pick up with them after months of hiatus what seems like zero friendship degradation.

I feel like I have serious hermit-like tendencies, so I'm curious what other people have as their number of near-daily friends.

istewart · #2 10-14-2007, 01:10 PM

Some people need dozens of friends to say "Hey look at me, I'm popular!" But not me, I'm very picky. I need three, maybe two.

gumpzilla · #3 10-14-2007, 01:12 PM

My responses are pretty similar. When I was younger, I think I felt a lot more need for the social validation, but acquiring a serious girlfriend eased a lot of that. These days, I have pretty much 2 guys that I hang out with a ton (one of them I live with), my fiancee, and that's most of it. There's obviously a wider circle of acquaintances that I'm happy to see at parties and whatnot, but I don't tend to have very regular contact with those people, nor are the relationships terribly deep.

guids · #4 10-14-2007, 01:17 PM

Its speaks volumes about istewert/gumpzilla that you guys think that friends are about social validation, or for people to think you are popular.

J.A.K. · #5 10-14-2007, 01:29 PM

I would say 2-3 would be optimal, with the understanding that "friend" means you are genuinely interested in their well-being. Over the past couple of years, 3 of my closest friends and I have tapered off the frequency of contact due to life and distance. I have one best friend locally that I am in contact with everyday.

I think it's natural that your circle shrinks as you get older and priorities and interests (for all concerned) shift. I think you are also more tolerant of certain idiosyncrasies when young and without much responsibility. When you are holding down a marriage, parenthood, paying bills, etc. you start culling the 24/7 clowny fun-guy types.

elus2 · #6 10-14-2007, 01:31 PM

I thought their point was that other people required friends for social validation. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

gumpzilla · #7 10-14-2007, 01:32 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Its speaks volumes about istewert/gumpzilla that you guys think that friends are about social validation, or for people to think you are popular.

[/ QUOTE ]

Just as it speaks volumes about you that you decide to be a dick about it, particularly without looking at the context. If I were to go solely based on your posts, your friends appear to be there for sexual exploitation or to help you make money.

istewart · #8 10-14-2007, 01:33 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Its speaks volumes about istewert/gumpzilla that you guys think that friends are about social validation, or for people to think you are popular.

[/ QUOTE ]

1. I think a blind and deaf baby that grew up with wolves in Siberia and had no hands or feet could level you, guids.

2.

guids · #9 10-14-2007, 01:37 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Its speaks volumes about istewert/gumpzilla that you guys think that friends are about social validation, or for people to think you are popular.

[/ QUOTE ]

Just as it speaks volumes about you that you decide to be a dick about it, particularly without looking at the context. If I were to go solely based on your posts, your friends appear to be there for sexual exploitation or to help you make money.

[/ QUOTE ]

I didnt mean to be a dick about it, but you said

"I think I felt a lot more need for the social validation, but acquiring a serious girlfriend eased a lot of that. "

whats taken out of context? when you were younger one of the main reasons you had friends was to validate yourself socially, correct? If I took something wrong, I apologize. Ive never felt this way, so maybe I dont understand it, but my friends are my friends because I enjoy their company, and I assume they enjoy mine. Its fun to be around your friends, I just assumed thats why everyone had them.

and maybe Im reading to far into it, but when I say "it speaks volumes", to me, it just means that you werent the most confident guy, possible not to socially adept, etc. It "speaks volumes" becuase it gives me a bunch of clues as to how you are/were in regards to social situations.

guids · #10 10-14-2007, 01:42 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I thought their point was that other people required friends for social validation. Are you being intentionally obtuse?

[/ QUOTE ]

It was istewerts point, but not gumps.