Wife Cheats On Me So I Hide In Her Trunk

[WiredSevens]

Brag: I didn't go to jail
Beat: I didn't get to use the crowbar
Variance: Everyone I know thinks I'm a psycho-tahd

Cliffnotes are at bottom

All names in this story have been changed to prevent a trainwreck.

The story starts with my wife Ginger going clubbing with her new "boyfriend" Dane on Friday night. Ginger cheated on me with Dane and we're currently on a "3 month break." I've been wanting to beat the [censored] out of Dane for a little while now. I messaged him on AIM and offered to punch him in the face a few times because he had sex with my wife. He told me simply to go [censored] myself. So I said to myself at that moment, "I'll show him."

Anyway, I knew Ginger would be taking the car to go clubbing with Dane on Friday night. And this is the car that I have a second set of keys for! Muahahaha. So at 7:30pm I hid inside Ginger's trunk. At 10:30pm she finally leaves to go clubbing. Lucky for me I'm not claustrophobic..

So Ginger gets to Dane's house and they are switching into his car to go to the club. At this moment I spring into action and jump out of the trunk. I have my trusty crowbar in hand. You should have seen their faces.. they were like OMG WTF!?!?!? So I step in front of Dane's car and he [censored] trys to run me over. I grab the side of his car but I slip off. I run down the street after him and then go back and get into Ginger's car. I try to find them, but with no luck.

Therefore, its time for Plan B. I call Ginger and I say "I just hit a parked car and I'm hurt really bad and I wasn't wearing my seat belt." These were all lies of course. She asks me "OMG are you serious!?" and I of course told her I was. I ask her if I should flee the scene or not and she tells me to stay where I am and that she'll be right there! Lmao, So I give her directions.

Dane drops her off a few blocks away from where I am. When she's half way to me I step on the gas and go after Dane! We race through the streets, running stop signs, red lights, everything. My speed hits 130 mph as I catch up to that bastard. After 5 minutes of chasing I stop and go back to Ginger and she gets in my car. She asks if we're going home and I say "No, I'm going to Dane's house." She says "Wtf, why?" When we get to Dane's house I pull out my phone and dial 911.

So the Police arrive, two of our finest officers. One cop is talking to me, while the other one is talking to Ginger. I basically say that I got out of the car and Dane was surprised to see me because he's having an affair with my wife. Thats when he hit me with his car and then sped away, fleeing the scene. I explain how he hit me, that my knee hurts, etc. I also showed the cop how my jeans were ripped from when I fell on the street.

The other cop comes over that was talking to Ginger and says "Did he tell you yet that he was hiding in the trunk?" The first cop says "No, he left that part out." The first cop then asks me why I was hiding in the trunk. I said "because if I hide in the backseat she would have seen me." The cop then asked me what I planned on doing when I got out of the trunk. I replied that I wanted to confront Dane and Ginger.

The cops say "I know Dane deserves to get his ass kicked for sleeping with your wife but you can't be hiding in somebody's trunk." Then all of a sudden Dane pulls up in his car and gets out and says "This guy was chasing me down the federal highway and going God knows how fast!" The cops ask me if this is true and then why. I replied that I wasn't chasing, but instead following at a reasonable speed and that I did this because he just hit me with his car and I was trying to get him to stop.

Dane says "Oh and 2 weeks ago he keyed my entire car, come look!" The cops take a look and ask me if I keyed his car. I said "No I did not and I didn't even know where he lived; thats why I hid in Ginger's trunk." Dane yells out that this is [censored] and that he wants a restraining order against me. Dane asks the cops what he can do against me. The cops reply "Absolutely nothing, you can go to the attorney general but nothing will happen because you have no evidence."

The cops turn to me and ask me what I want to do. I say that I want to press charges to the fullest extent of the law. The cop says "Okay, but just so you know I'm putting in my report that you instigated him to run you over because he felt threatened because you jumped out of Ginger's trunk." I said that was perfectly fine and he gives me a case number. The cop tells all of us to go home now. Then that bastard Dane says to Ginger, "can I have a hug?" The cop says "Are you trying to get yourself killed??" I give Dane the finger and then Ginger and me leave.

BBV: what's my next move?


Cliffnotes: I hid in my wife's trunk for 3 hours to catch her having an affair and then confront the douchebag who's been banging her. Hilarity and a car chase ensues. The cops show up and I requested a case number. Fun time was had by all.

[gumpzilla]

This is all fiction or you're completely batshit insane, but either way it sounds good in my head when I imagine it with Benny Hill music and fat titties.

[THEOSU]

i just read teh cliffs notes.

sorry the bitch is cheating on you.

[Smell The Glove]

wowowowowowowow this is amazing if true... definitely worth reading even if it's made-up.

[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

[ianisakson]

A+++++ story. You sir are very crazy.

[WiredSevens]

Yes it is true... and she Is a bitch.

One of my friend's reccomended I see a therapist. What do you guys think?

[ZOMG_RIGGED!]

Totally misplayed your hand IMO. You spent 3+ hours in a trunk and didnt even get to hit the guy? this was totally +EV for him. You a) spent 3+ hours in a car trunk, b) go no revenge at all, and c) got hit by a car. Dane on the other hand will a) still be secksing up your wife, and b) hit you with a car

[4_2_it]

[ QUOTE ]
but either way it sounds good in my head when I imagine it with Benny Hill music and fat titties.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you! That made the read bearable.

[Passaman]

Warning: Serious response to follow.

You might want to reflect on your time of being married and ask yourself whether or not you've been a crappy husband. Women don't cheat in a vacuum. Then pursue forgiveness and reconciliation.

[TxSteve]

dude;
just get yourself a new wife.

quit trying to control this one and just turn her into an ex wife