Being there for the Birth. - Page 2

MuckerFish · #11 03-14-2007, 11:52 AM

I was definitely in your boat. I didn't want to be in the room. I wasn't concerned about seeing the delivery, I just didn't want to see my wife in so much pain, but not really being able to help her. I liked the more traditional idea of pacing around in a waiting room and having some nurse come out saying "It's a girl" and me celebrating etc. However my wife said it was important to her, so I was in with her. In retrospect, it was a fantastic experience for us, and I'll be in the room if we're lucky enough to have another child.

If you don't want to see all the mess, you can just sit at the head of the bed/behind the surgical drapes. Less graphic of a view.

FeliciaLee · #12 03-14-2007, 11:55 AM

Although I'm a woman, the most horrifying thing in the world to me would be looking at childbirth. Even the thought of it makes me nauseated. If I were a dude, the last thing I'd want would be to be in that room (although I'd do it, if asked).

OTOH, if I'd ever had kids, I'd want my husband to be there. He put the bun in the oven, he should be there to take it out, yanno? If I have to go through all the pain, he should at least have to hear it. I'd rip Glenn apart if he refused to be there.

BUT, and this is a big BUT, I wouldn't mind at all if he stayed around my head. The whole "looking up the [censored]" thingy is the nauseating part, to me. Don't they still cover the mother with sheets and stuff down there? Like make a tent or something, and the OB is under the tent?

Glenn could stay up top. Do the ice chips and holding hand stuff. He wouldn't have to go "under the tent," if you know what I mean. In fact, no one but the medical team would have to go under. It grosses me out just to think about it, and I'm a woman! Then again, I should have been a guy.

Felicia [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
have to go throw up now...

ChicagoTroy · #13 03-14-2007, 12:36 PM

Dr. Drew actually got into this on Love Line once. He said it was a BS remnant of the "sensitive man 90's" and that a guy shouldn't be there if it makes him uncomfortable, which it always does.

TxSteve · #14 03-14-2007, 12:56 PM

My opinion.

You should be there. No if's and's or but's. It will be a scary (and exciting) time for your wife and its not something you should make her go through alone.

That being said; during a natural birth; I would not be down where I could 'see stuff'. I would stay up at my wife's head and hold her hand; pat her head with a wet rag; etc.

My wife had a C-section. I stayed in there. I did look a couple times at the incision (and we have it on tape) but I mostly stayed with her and then the baby after the nurses took her to clean her up etc.

Looking back I would see it as a huge mistake if I had chosed to send her into that room alone.

By-Tor · #15 03-14-2007, 01:02 PM

been there, done that....3 times.

the best part is having your wife connected to what is basically a pain meter. With her on the drugs, you tend to know that she is (or will be) in pain sooner then she does.

This is a rare advantage that must be taken.

[img]/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

JoseRijo · #16 03-14-2007, 01:03 PM

[ QUOTE ]

OTOH, if I'd ever had kids, I'd want my husband to be there. He put the bun in the oven, he should be there to take it out, yanno? If I have to go through all the pain, he should at least have to hear it. I'd rip Glenn apart if he refused to be there.

BUT, and this is a big BUT, I wouldn't mind at all if he stayed around my head.

[/ QUOTE ]
QFT. You *will* be at the birth. You're just going to have to deal with it as best you can. Not looking down will help, but that might not even be necessary.

I have two kids. The first took forever to come out (2 1/2 hours in labor, and then they had to get the plunger). I was totally fine and it was an amazing experience.

The second labor only lasted about 20 minutes, but I guess I wasn't in the same frame of mind and could barely watch. I just looked past the bed and tried not to think about it.

My mother-in-law was at both births. I suggest you have a female family member there. She'll take loads of heat off of you. Good luck!

mattsey9 · #17 03-14-2007, 01:31 PM

"A boatwright doesn't need to be there when they launch the ship. He just needs to be there when they lay the keel."

Having said that, I've been informed by my wife that I'll be in the room, and that isn't negotiable. I can't imagine that when pull comes to tug that I wouldn't want to be there anyway.

Dominic · #18 03-14-2007, 02:07 PM

I'm pretty much on your side, Ad. I even read about some men becoming impotent after the birth because of this huge guilt they felt about putting their wives through such an ordeal.

I'll probably break down and be in the room if my wife wants me there, however. But I'm pulling ice-chip and hand-holding duty. I'm staying up by her head where I can stroke her hair. Show me the kid when he's all the way out. An NO, I do not want to cut the cord, okay??? As Bill Cosby says, "Don't you have more qualified people to do that?"

4_2_it · #19 03-14-2007, 02:26 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Dr. Drew actually got into this on Love Line once. He said it was a BS remnant of the "sensitive man 90's" and that a guy shouldn't be there if it makes him uncomfortable, which it always does.

[/ QUOTE ]

You couldn't be more wrong. I was there for both of my daughters' births and I was not uncomfortable in the least. It was a privilege to help take care of my wife and I would say that those two episodes are two of the finest I will encounter during my life. Davey, et al are spot on that it is truly a life changing experience. Even today, I will tell my daughters what they were like right after birth and they never get tired of hearing that story.

deacsoft · #20 03-14-2007, 02:47 PM

I was in the room when my daughter was born and it was the greatest moment in my life. I didn't watch the birth. I sat on the edge of the bed next to my daughter's mother, held her hand, and tried to be encouraging/helpful. We went in to the hospital on a Wednesday afternoon and our daughter was born on Friday morning. It was long and exhausting. We had only four hours of sleep the entire time. I never left her side. It's something that we shared together and it was truly an amazing experience.

Being there when the doctor first held my daughter high enough that I could see her was a blessing. I would swear that every light in the room dimmed when her eyes opened. Seeing her big beautiful blue eyes take in the world for the first time was incredible. If there's anyway you can find the strength to be in that room... be there. You don't have to be next to the doctor and watching the birth. Just be there and be supportive of your child's mother. Not being there may be something you regret the rest of your life.