Lets talk about love TLDR!

[tuq]

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But I gotta wonder, why would you say it if you didn't feel it? What's up with that?! That's kind of weird, imo. (no offense meant, of course)

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Probably because I can tell at a certain point in a relationship that that's what they want to hear. I'm not trying to hurt them, quite the opposite.

The cruel fact of life is that most people that we're attracted to aren't attracted to us, and vice versa. I've had plenty of crushes where, if the woman reciprocated, I may have actually felt love. So I'm not ruling it out for the future.

[katyseagull]

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Probably because I can tell at a certain point in a relationship that that's what they want to hear. I'm not trying to hurt them, quite the opposite.

The cruel fact of life is that most people that we're attracted to aren't attracted to us, and vice versa. I've had plenty of crushes where, if the woman reciprocated, I may have actually felt love. So I'm not ruling it out for the future.

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haha! I've never met anyone like you before. Very interesting! In a way crushes are more fun than love because they don't involve the burdens and disappointments. Yay crushes.


Get this, I have a sister who thinks it's dumb to say "i love you" to anyone. She hates any kind of demonstrative gesture. We say it to her just to bug the [censored] out of her and watch her act all disgusted. One time I asked her if she had heard from her husband who was traveling in Europe. She's like "Uh no, why would I?" and I was like "you know, has he called to tell you he loves you or something." and she rolled her eyes and goes "Jesus. That's so stupid. I never get why people do that."

[Dominic]

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Probably because I can tell at a certain point in a relationship that that's what they want to hear. I'm not trying to hurt them, quite the opposite.

The cruel fact of life is that most people that we're attracted to aren't attracted to us, and vice versa. I've had plenty of crushes where, if the woman reciprocated, I may have actually felt love. So I'm not ruling it out for the future.

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haha! I've never met anyone like you before. Very interesting! In a way crushes are more fun than love because they don't involve the burdens and disappointments. Yay crushes.


Get this, I have a sister who thinks it's dumb to say "i love you" to anyone. She hates any kind of demonstrative gesture. We say it to her just to bug the [censored] out of her and watch her act all disgusted. One time I asked her if she had heard from her husband who was traveling in Europe. She's like "Uh no, why would I?" and I was like "you know, has he called to tell you he loves you or something." and she rolled her eyes and goes "Jesus. That's so stupid. I never get why people do that."

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wow...there's something going on with your sister, no doubt...very odd.

[Blarg]

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X-Factor, You raise one hell of a question. It may be one without any real concrete true answer. It may be something that is completely different for two different people.

I really like Dom's answer with the possible exception of this part.
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People in love are considerate of one another, and make concessions for one another's views and desires...but don't confuse consideration for "sacrifice." If you feel like you are sacrifcing something by being with someone, you are not truly in love.

The difference is a desire to make concessions and work at it with love, and not a "that bitch won't let me buy the motorcycle I want" style of resentment

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Maybe it's just my personal definition of sacrifice but I think love involves all kinds of sacrifice. I think I sacrifice a lot of things that I would like to do or have because of my love for my wife and family. I think it is a part of love that puts another person's interests before your own and that you willingly make sacrifices for that person. Of course I could be completely wrong

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I agree on the sacrifice thing. Dom was a little idealistic when he said you shouldn't really feel it as sacrifice, but sometimes, hey, it is! And that's okay. It's not a bad thing to feel that doing something for your partner really sucks once in a while and maybe you even despise doing that thing. It's not important to deny reality or imagine it as something other than it is. You just need to accept it and realize the sacrifice is worthwhile. And if it's really a good relationship, that your partner would do the same for you -- maybe has before already anyway, probably will again, too. If you always expect a state of bliss, you will spend most of your life very disappointed and also a little crazy and unbearable. We should be prepared to go a little out of our way without too much resentment, is all, on the one hand, and on the other, our partners should value this and not take it for granted, or what we do for them will feel like a waste. Also, nobody should overburden another. Someone's sacrifices should cease if we start looking at them as opportunities and getting greedy.

[Phil153]

Love to me is when a person fills you completely enough that there's no doubt that they're what you want and who you want to spend eternity with.

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The ultimate question, if what everyone says about love is true, then why does love have to hurt so much?

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It usually hurts because it's unrequited or because the person you like is a boob.

As for katie's question, telling someone you love them kind of becomes required after a few months in a relationship. You either like them a lot and want to make them happy, or you don't and want to keep them around for the sex, or you get a perfect opportunity to game her and can't help yourself. Either way, a girlfriend hears it after a couple of months.

[Dominic]

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X-Factor, You raise one hell of a question. It may be one without any real concrete true answer. It may be something that is completely different for two different people.

I really like Dom's answer with the possible exception of this part.
[ QUOTE ]
People in love are considerate of one another, and make concessions for one another's views and desires...but don't confuse consideration for "sacrifice." If you feel like you are sacrifcing something by being with someone, you are not truly in love.

The difference is a desire to make concessions and work at it with love, and not a "that bitch won't let me buy the motorcycle I want" style of resentment

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe it's just my personal definition of sacrifice but I think love involves all kinds of sacrifice. I think I sacrifice a lot of things that I would like to do or have because of my love for my wife and family. I think it is a part of love that puts another person's interests before your own and that you willingly make sacrifices for that person. Of course I could be completely wrong

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree on the sacrifice thing. Dom was a little idealistic when he said you shouldn't really feel it as sacrifice, but sometimes, hey, it is! And that's okay. It's not a bad thing to feel that doing something for your partner really sucks once in a while and maybe you even despise doing that thing. It's not important to deny reality or imagine it as something other than it is. You just need to accept it and realize the sacrifice is worthwhile. And if it's really a good relationship, that your partner would do the same for you -- maybe has before already anyway, probably will again, too. If you always expect a state of bliss, you will spend most of your life very disappointed and also a little crazy and unbearable. We should be prepared to go a little out of our way without too much resentment, is all, on the one hand, and on the other, our partners should value this and not take it for granted, or what we do for them will feel like a waste. Also, nobody should overburden another. Someone's sacrifices should cease if we start looking at them as opportunities and getting greedy.

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i think we're just talking semantics now. If you "sacrifice" an opportunity to, for example, sail on the Calypso with Cousteau and that's your dream, just in order to be with someone, I really do think that will poison your relationship down the road. You'll regret not going and you'll start to resent the other person for "making" you turn it down.

Concessions are one thing...sacrifices are something else entirely.

Example:

I don't think it's a sacrifice if you're in love with a girl who becomes pregnant, and you choose to marry her and raise that child instead of, say, going off to Hollywood to try and be an actor.

You're making a choice between two things you want to do...but you can't do both. We make those kind of choices everyday and I don't think of them as sacrifices.

[Blarg]

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Love to me is when a person fills you completely enough that there's no doubt that they're what you want and who you want to spend eternity with.

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The ultimate question, if what everyone says about love is true, then why does love have to hurt so much?

[/ QUOTE ]
It usually hurts because it's unrequited or because the person you like is a boob.

As for katie's question, telling someone you love them kind of becomes required after a few months in a relationship. You either like them a lot and want to make them happy, or you don't and want to keep them around for the sex, or you get a perfect opportunity to game her and can't help yourself. Either way, a girlfriend hears it after a couple of months.

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Yup, this is an unfair thing people can be subjected to. Love can take time to grow. And most people probably need to be around a while before any talk about love can be even halfway fair and serious. You certainly don't get there automatically just by taking your pants off, or hanging together for a bit while not lapsing out of good behavior.

[Fishwhenican]

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X-Factor, You raise one hell of a question. It may be one without any real concrete true answer. It may be something that is completely different for two different people.

I really like Dom's answer with the possible exception of this part.
[ QUOTE ]
People in love are considerate of one another, and make concessions for one another's views and desires...but don't confuse consideration for "sacrifice." If you feel like you are sacrifcing something by being with someone, you are not truly in love.

The difference is a desire to make concessions and work at it with love, and not a "that bitch won't let me buy the motorcycle I want" style of resentment

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe it's just my personal definition of sacrifice but I think love involves all kinds of sacrifice. I think I sacrifice a lot of things that I would like to do or have because of my love for my wife and family. I think it is a part of love that puts another person's interests before your own and that you willingly make sacrifices for that person. Of course I could be completely wrong

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree on the sacrifice thing. Dom was a little idealistic when he said you shouldn't really feel it as sacrifice, but sometimes, hey, it is! And that's okay. It's not a bad thing to feel that doing something for your partner really sucks once in a while and maybe you even despise doing that thing. It's not important to deny reality or imagine it as something other than it is. You just need to accept it and realize the sacrifice is worthwhile. And if it's really a good relationship, that your partner would do the same for you -- maybe has before already anyway, probably will again, too. If you always expect a state of bliss, you will spend most of your life very disappointed and also a little crazy and unbearable. We should be prepared to go a little out of our way without too much resentment, is all, on the one hand, and on the other, our partners should value this and not take it for granted, or what we do for them will feel like a waste. Also, nobody should overburden another. Someone's sacrifices should cease if we start looking at them as opportunities and getting greedy.

[/ QUOTE ]

i think we're just talking semantics now. If you "sacrifice" an opportunity to, for example, sail on the Calypso with Cousteau and that's your dream, just in order to be with someone, I really do think that will poison your relationship down the road. You'll regret not going and you'll start to resent the other person for "making" you turn it down.

Concessions are one thing...sacrifices are something else entirely.

Example:

I don't think it's a sacrifice if you're in love with a girl who becomes pregnant, and you choose to marry her and raise that child instead of, say, going off to Hollywood to try and be an actor.

You're making a choice between two things you want to do...but you can't do both. We make those kind of choices everyday and I don't think of them as sacrifices.

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I agree that we are pretty much talking semantics.

But, I am not sure I see the difference between the two examples you give. I actually see them both as sacrifices. The person is giving up something they want to do, ergo making a sacrifice in either case. The only difference is that in the second example three is another person, a child, involved.

[Blarg]

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X-Factor, You raise one hell of a question. It may be one without any real concrete true answer. It may be something that is completely different for two different people.

I really like Dom's answer with the possible exception of this part.
[ QUOTE ]
People in love are considerate of one another, and make concessions for one another's views and desires...but don't confuse consideration for "sacrifice." If you feel like you are sacrifcing something by being with someone, you are not truly in love.

The difference is a desire to make concessions and work at it with love, and not a "that bitch won't let me buy the motorcycle I want" style of resentment

[/ QUOTE ]

Maybe it's just my personal definition of sacrifice but I think love involves all kinds of sacrifice. I think I sacrifice a lot of things that I would like to do or have because of my love for my wife and family. I think it is a part of love that puts another person's interests before your own and that you willingly make sacrifices for that person. Of course I could be completely wrong

[/ QUOTE ]

I agree on the sacrifice thing. Dom was a little idealistic when he said you shouldn't really feel it as sacrifice, but sometimes, hey, it is! And that's okay. It's not a bad thing to feel that doing something for your partner really sucks once in a while and maybe you even despise doing that thing. It's not important to deny reality or imagine it as something other than it is. You just need to accept it and realize the sacrifice is worthwhile. And if it's really a good relationship, that your partner would do the same for you -- maybe has before already anyway, probably will again, too. If you always expect a state of bliss, you will spend most of your life very disappointed and also a little crazy and unbearable. We should be prepared to go a little out of our way without too much resentment, is all, on the one hand, and on the other, our partners should value this and not take it for granted, or what we do for them will feel like a waste. Also, nobody should overburden another. Someone's sacrifices should cease if we start looking at them as opportunities and getting greedy.

[/ QUOTE ]

i think we're just talking semantics now. If you "sacrifice" an opportunity to, for example, sail on the Calypso with Cousteau and that's your dream, just in order to be with someone, I really do think that will poison your relationship down the road. You'll regret not going and you'll start to resent the other person for "making" you turn it down.

Concessions are one thing...sacrifices are something else entirely.

Example:

I don't think it's a sacrifice if you're in love with a girl who becomes pregnant, and you choose to marry her and raise that child instead of, say, going off to Hollywood to try and be an actor.

You're making a choice between two things you want to do...but you can't do both. We make those kind of choices everyday and I don't think of them as sacrifices.

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We're not talking semantics, just different levels and types of sacrifices. I'm talking about making the rounds of weddings of people you don't like or don't even know, having your partner's inbred relatives or friends be a bigger part of your life than you'd want to instead of having your privacy, cooking something for your partner that you don't really enjoy eating yourself, making trips to the store for them that they could just as easily do for themselves, putting up with them when they're sick with the flu and get all demanding and whiny, etc.

You're talking about major life decisions. FWIW, you can make sacrifices there, and feel it, but if you do feel that they are really thwarting your happiness, it's probably not the right life for you to be setting yourself up for. Some people really should go to Hollywood, etc., or they will regret it all their lives. There are some people who set up their lives on the assumption that they will be happy playing the saint or knuckling under for life. But as a relationship wears on, and as you get older, you tend to lose your resiliency and desire to live in a way not in accord with your spirit. And then those relationships and lives either become a misery or end.

I think you're getting at much the same thing. That if it doesn't feel right, you're in trouble. And if it does feel right, you can jump through all kinds of hoops and it won't faze you a bit.

[The X-Factor]

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Dom,

Well said my friend. How have you been anyway? I havent talked with you in forever. I hope all is well mang.

X

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I am just peachy, thanks for asking. Where have you been??

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Ugh, honestly been working and working out a lot. I have actually lost 30 pounds woot! Other than that I have really been trying to figure out this dating thing so I have been on a few dates. Date 3 seems to be where things have climaxed at so far. I'm proud of myself though, I have been playing all these straight up.