Dude stalking my girlfriend

[inlemur]

Title sums up the tldr.

So my girlfriend was dating this dude a couple years ago, he starts out as a normal dude but apparently spirals into depression, is put on antidepressants, but coupled with his alcoholism this only makes things worse. Things end with him becoming abusive, threatening her. Finally she leaves him when he actually hits her.

Dude can't let go, shows up at her apartment or wherever else she happens to be, she tells him she wants nothing to do with him, he starts getting aggressive. Calls her threatening to kill her, follows her around and parks her in wherever she goes, etc. She gets a restraining order. Calls continue to happen, he also gets his friends to call and threaten her, and his mother who is also psycho. The police step in and tell him that they're dead serious and if she presses charges he's going to serve time. She doesn't hear from him for a bit, then wakes up one day and he's in her bedroom (doors were locked). He is drunk but not aggressive, police come, she doesn't press charges (just wants him to leave her alone at this point). That's the end of the story for a bit.

A full year later I meet her and we start dating. Both of us graduate college and move to a different state, though we are not living together. Two weeks ago she's at a gas station, and some dude pulls in near her, starts yelling at her, catcall stuff like "Hey sweet thing etc". She ignores him thinking it's just some bozo until he starts yelling "Hey what's wrong you little (c-word), you gonna call the police again? You gonna call the police again, bitch?" He speeds off, she doesn't get a good look at him, but he is bald (as is the ex) and is driving a red car (as did the ex).

She tells me all this and I tell her that hopefully it's just some random lunatic and she doesn't have anything to worry about, her ex is 1000 miles away and is still in college, he'd have to be even more insane than either of us thought he was to follow her. That night, apparently the same guy drives up and down the street by her apartment (!) yelling the same [censored]. She calls me and asks if she can stay at my place, and comes over.

At this point obviously we're both 90% sure it's the ex, but no proof or anything. She stays over at my place for the next few nights, nothing happens. Yesterday, she gets a phone call:
"Hello?"
"Is this Amy?"
"Who is this?"
"We met at a club last night, you gave me chlamydia you bitch!" hangs up

Which is apparently the sort of thing he and his friends started to do after the restraining order. So she calls Verizon to try and get the phone call traced, they say they need a police officer to call. She calls the police, they send three officers (!?) over to her apartment and ask her about the incidents, they try to call Verizon but the call center had closed by this time.

Today she calls the police again, who say she should just call Verizon and tell them to give her the number, they refuse, say they need the police, there's a huge mess with her calling about 10 people back and forth because nobody knows what to do, and finally she gets the police to call Verizon, and now they insist that she must have a subpoena, which involves a judge and lots of paperwork and such that just isn't going to be a priority to the police.

Also, we've been trying to get the gas station to show us their surveillance video from the night of the incident there so that we can get a better look at the car and maybe the plates, but they're demanding a subpoena as well.

So that's the story to date. I'm looking for advice on the following:
Tracing phone calls. Surely you have a right to know who is call to harass you on your private phone without getting a subpoena.
General advice on dealing with maniacs. If I was in my home state I'd get a crew of guys together and rough him up, but I'm not. But for what it's worth, neither is he.
Ideas on how to get the cops to acually help her. Right now their attitude is pretty much "well he hasn't assaulted you has he?". However he has a criminal record (not just the stuff involving her, also some breaking and entering and other assault charges), is threatening her, and has the restraining order out on him (issued in another state, not sure how that works). It's rediculous that she should have to wait for him to attack her.

I appreciate any advice you guys can offer, thanks for reading this whole thing if you got this far.

[JasonK]

Shoot him in the face. Problem solved.

[lippy]

Next time he calls, have her invite him over.

Be there and




In all seriousness... talk to the police, they need to take this seriously. With the existing restraining order and the way in which this has happened, getting a subpoena shouldn't be that hard for the police. It is their job to do things like this, I can't believe you'll have a problem getting them to.

[shighley3205]

I actually had this come up a few months ago. She wasn't my girlfriend but a close friend of mine who had a guy who kept stalking her. She never called the police. Me and my friend went over to her house and waited for him to come back. When he came back we let him know that if he so even looks at her in a way she doesn't like (they worked together over the summer) that he is going to wish she called the cops instead. That's what I would do. And if he comes back I stay true to my word.

[FortunaMaximus]

Cops. Every other solution's gonna backfire. Make sure they know the backstory.

[Joshssj4v2]

[ QUOTE ]
I actually had this come up a few months ago. She wasn't my girlfriend but a close friend of mine who had a guy who kept stalking her. She never called the police. Me and my friend went over to her house and waited for him to come back. When he came back we let him know that if he so even looks at her in a way she doesn't like (they worked together over the summer) that he is going to wish she called the cops instead. That's what I would do. And if he comes back I stay true to my word.

[/ QUOTE ]
When dealing with irrational people, this is not the path to take.

[Dementia]

[ QUOTE ]
If I was in my home state I'd get a crew of guys together and rough him up, but I'm not. But for what it's worth, neither is he.

[/ QUOTE ]

Would that make you feel like a man, lol? You want the respect of this chick, don't come onto OOT asking how to trace a phonecall, just be ready for him to roll by again, and when he does demand he get out of his car and [censored] him up.

[farang0]

She woke up with him in her room and didnt press charges?

Im sorry to say this but she is pretty dumb. Hes going to keep doing [censored] because she has let him get away with it. Why wouldnt you press charges?

The best thing is to get a new phone number. If he comes anywhere near her again take serious action.

[farang0]

Actually, just [censored] him up real good. Give him the beating of his life. This guy is a serious scumbag. I mean seriously rough this guy up. If he goes to the police you have a history and long track record of him abusing your girl freind. Just say he threatened you and her so you protected yourself.

If someone was doing this to my girl Id kick the [censored] out of him in an instant.

[Dementia]

[ QUOTE ]
If someone was doing this to my girl Id kick the [censored] out of him in an instant.

[/ QUOTE ]

Agreed, don't even sweat it dude. Even if you don't think you can take this guy, sounds like he only comes around when he's drunk anyway.