jokes you've made IRL that flopped - Page 5

hard2tel · #41 10-25-2007, 03:42 PM

In a freshman literature class the teacher was going around the room asking every student what they expected from the course...when it got around to me i went off on how the course was gonna change my life forever and how ive been waiting my whole life for this opportunity etc etc in my really serious but sarcastic face. I think i got some grins but that was it. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

neuroman · #42 10-25-2007, 03:43 PM

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Last week I was at a happy hour with 12 other people, 8 of them girls and they were talking about the Michael Devlin kidnap/rape case in St. Louis. One of the girls commented that they had added a bunch of new rape charges and she was wondering how many and my reply was, "After a certain number of rapes don't they just quit counting them?" which was met by lots of silence by the girls.

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Ouch. And yeah, I have bombed too many jokes to count, I'm sure.

My favorite though is unfunny "your mom" jokes. I pretty much make these indiscriminately. 98% of the time they are terrible, and 2% of the time they are hilarious.

XXXNoahXXX · #43 10-25-2007, 03:47 PM

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In a freshman literature class the teacher was going around the room asking every student what they expected from the course...when it got around to me i went off on how the course was gonna change my life forever and how ive been waiting my whole life for this opportunity etc etc in my really serious but sarcastic face. I think i got some grins but that was it. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

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i like this.

more ones where the joke truly bombed and less that just involve being too crude/going to far (like mine).

popeye18 · #44 10-25-2007, 03:47 PM

I have this one joke that most people havent heard and it usually kills. I dont know if i was off or what but im at a party with a ton of people i dont know, i was drunk and dont know how the conversation led up to it but i say...

"Whats tall green and [censored] old women?"

"What?"

"Me in my lucky green jacket"

dead silence.

otnemem · #45 10-25-2007, 03:56 PM

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I have this one joke that most people havent heard and it usually kills. I dont know if i was off or what but im at a party with a ton of people i dont know, i was drunk and dont know how the conversation led up to it but i say...

"Whats tall green and [censored] old women?"

"What?"

"Me in my lucky green jacket"

dead silence.

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See, I can completely understand why this bombed.

Big TR · #46 10-25-2007, 03:57 PM

My wife is generally a terrible joke teller. She decides to try at her cousin's wedding rehearsal dinner.

Idiot calls 911 saying his best friend was accidentally shot. 911 operator asks "Is he dead?" Idiot says hold on. While waiting, the operator hears a gunshot. Idiot comes back and says "He is now."

She got nothing but glares from most everybody. Her cousin just said "That's not funny" with a horrified look on her face. It was outstanding. I laughed at the attempt since she actually nailed the timing and pseudo drama, which is a rare feat for her.

mmbt0ne · #47 10-25-2007, 03:58 PM

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The next class she put a picture of the ultrasound on the projector and my friend blurted out "That baby looks nothing like me." HI-larious, but very little laughter.

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that is so f-ing funny! I told my freshman daughter and she laughed hard too. Classic.

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FWIW, this guy pretty much never flops a joke. Of course, he only lets one out from time to time so it's not like he's a machine. Just very consistent.

My second favorite involved him about to start hooking up with a girl but she wanted to watch a movie. So he goes to his roommate's room and borrows a DVD. It ends up being Cool Runnings, and roommate gives him a little crap about picking that movie. Next morning roommate asks if he was able to close the deal after picking Cool Runnings. Response: "Dude, I could've put on Schindler's List. It was going to happen."

Budget Boy · #48 10-25-2007, 03:59 PM

Once I was over at a good friend's place, his wife was an anthropology grad student and several of her grad student friends were over. There was a preview for the movie "Code Talkers" on and someone made a comment about what a great contribution the Navajo made, their unique language, blah blah blah. So I said "I don't know isn't it all pretty much just WWWHOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOO" (like slapping my hand in front of my mouth making an Indian war cry). My one buddy (a sociopath FWIW) starts laughing hysterically, everyone else in the room is silent and looking at me like I'm the most ignorant POS they've ever seen.

kkcountry · #49 10-25-2007, 04:05 PM

i [img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img] saying stuff out loud in class, most of the time i get at least a chuckle, but i bomb once a semester.

my most recent bombing was in my managerial accounting. we were talking on making expansion/advertising/etc decisions based on changes in contribution margin and my professor asked us "who can't help but to make bad decisions?" and i said "britney spears!" she was looking for sales. [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img]

miajag · #50 10-25-2007, 04:08 PM

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Once I was over at a good friend's place, his wife was an anthropology grad student and several of her grad student friends were over. There was a preview for the movie "Code Talkers" on and someone made a comment about what a great contribution the Navajo made, their unique language, blah blah blah. So I said "I don't know isn't it all pretty much just WWWHOOBOOBOOBOOBOOBOO" (like slapping my hand in front of my mouth making an Indian war cry). My one buddy (a sociopath FWIW) starts laughing hysterically, everyone else in the room is silent and looking at me like I'm the most ignorant POS they've ever seen.

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This is awesome.