Infidelity - Page 5

KotOD · #41 08-29-2007, 10:19 PM

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He says it in his post:

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We had the typical marriage....basically on autopilot and taking each other for granted. Not many fights just raising the kids and no romance.

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While he may think this the "typical" marriage, it's certainly not a healthy one. OP has yet to explain why this is all her fault (which it might be if she's a yambag like my wife).

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Exactly. Wife and I find excuses to do the bangin. It's fun to drop the kid off with the sitter for the express purpose of going home to bang like chimps.

KotOD · #42 08-29-2007, 10:19 PM

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I posted this in a different forum but it's worth referencing here: a friend of mine recently discovered his wife was getting boned by the tennis pro of the country club they belonged to. Probably in their bed and maybe with the young kids around. She got an STD too, I believe.

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Was your "friend" named "tucker"?

KotOD · #43 08-29-2007, 10:20 PM

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I guess wasn't completely serious about infidelity being a crime, although it was a crime in some states back in the 1970's. The thing is infidelity is choosing to hurt someone for your own gain/pleasures. When else is it acceptable in society to do something like that?

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All of life?

Mr. Mojo31 · #44 08-29-2007, 10:21 PM

Jesus, some of the posters in this thread should be banned for being such complete jackasses.

The OP is pouring his heart out on these boards, and we're getting [censored] like, 'cliff notes, op can't lay the pipe.'

Give the dude a break. Try to help a fellow 2+2er a lift up in a down time in his life.

You could be in his shoes someday.

slim · #45 08-29-2007, 10:24 PM

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OP,

Just curious, was this a social climb for her?

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100% no. The company got bought out and they both knew they were going to be severred. Interestingly enough,my theory is that her boss put the moves on my wife bc he knew that he would never see her again once they both got severred. He figured that he had nothing to lose bc if my wife didn't reciprocate, then he doesn't have to see her anymore. He admitted that he had absolutely no feelings for his own wife so he had nothing to lose. My wife on the other hand, still says she loves me and cares about me and is dealing with a tremendous amount of guilt.

TheRedRocket · #46 08-29-2007, 10:25 PM

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Are you taking any accountability for this? Surely you can't think that you are not at fault in some way here. I'm not condoning your wife's actions but what about the things you could have done differently?

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What? How is this his fault? His wife's carrying on a 2 yr affair with her boss while he's probably home watching the 3 yr olds and making dinner. I don't see how this is his fault in any way.

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It's not about fault but unless his wife is somehow damaged then it's probable that the relationship developed problems which led to her unfaithfulness and these problems are a result of both people not tending the relationship. Assuming he wants to have healthy and happy relationships in the future he should at some point (it's probably too soon now) examine things and learn what he can.

And no this doesn't excuse her poor and hurtful decisions but like other's pointed out, it doesn't mean his decisions were perfect either.

slim · #47 08-29-2007, 10:30 PM

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http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5525_qa.html

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I didn't find it on a brief review of the page- more specific, please?

And one reference does not an addiction make.

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click on the video link on infidelity.

Can someone tell me how to copy and paste from a PDF file?

niss · #48 08-29-2007, 10:35 PM

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I wrote her a letter in which I took responsibility for pain that I had caused her in the past.

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In order for me to counsel you further, you need to post the letter.

IWEARGOGGLES · #49 08-29-2007, 10:37 PM

Doesn't all of this just have to do with a lack of communication?

You mentioned that you tried to get her to read a book on relationships and attempt to patch up your marriage. I sympathize with you if your wife had communication problems.

slim · #50 08-29-2007, 10:44 PM

More sources on infidelity as an addiction

http://www.vidaville.com/html/Why-So...y-p-16367.html

http://www.whispy.com/how_to_end_an_..._an_affair.htm

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/grap...i5028b_qa.html

The therapist we have been seeing also says that affairs are an addiction. And from my own observations of my wife's behaviour, there is no doubt in my mind it is an addiction.