I have no idea what to do here...kind of long...end of rope stuff...

[timotheeeee]

Yesterday I found out my girlfriend of 3 years has been cheating, and I broke up with her.

I'm in Chicago, and she went to Georgia over the weekend to find an apartment for us because I'm supposed to start law school in a couple weeks. I now have absolutely no motivation to go. I kind of didn't really want to go in the first place (when I was first applying), because I was going nowhere in life with crappy jobs and I wanted to do something with myself. But now I just flat out don't want to go. But, again, my BA in polysci isn't worth it's weight in dung, and so I've been floundering around for the past 2 years with crappy jobs. I've been a stellar student my entire life, and it depresses me to know that after all my effort in school, I'm basically a nothing.

If I decide to go to school, I have to move down to Georgia and take out a $45,000 loan; which kind of scares me because that's heavy cash when I'm depressed and unmotivated. Obviously that kind of investment is not to be [censored] with unless you're not messing around.

If I don't go to law school this year, I'll be applying for other graduate programs for next year. But but the thought of another year of being an office assistant is wretched; every day I feel I die a little bit and that I contribute nothing to anything. Moreover, there's been a huge build-up with my family and co-workers about going off to school to do something better with myself. Both have already thrown going-away parties and congratulated me en masse, and I don't even want to think about the embarrassment of me showing up to work next Wednesday, the day I'm officially not an employee and the day I'm supposed to drive to Georgia.

I badly stuttered through this situation with my boss (I am a horrible speaker, and fear public speaking---> I am dumb for applying to law school), since I've taken on twice the responsibilities over the past year of working there, and I told her that I'd be willing to stay if I received a salary adjustment; my job is a lot closer to office manager than office assistant. I heard through a friend in HR that she put in a change form for a 10% increase, from 30k to 33k. This made me more pissed and dejected; I could have legitimately asked for twice my current salary. But, it is something, and the job has full benefits, including some tuition reimbursement if I want to take some classes at night. Plus an HR woman sat me down today and for 40 minutes was trying hard to get me to stay, floating around specters of advancement and bonuses. Everyone loves me over there, and they all want me to stay (despite also being happy for me going to school), but I just can't get over how little, money-wise, they value me. It honestly offends me. Half of me wants to take that risible 3k raise and wipe my ass with it; the other half just wants to feel glad I've got a stable job and a pleasant work place, and work on applying for other grad progams and getting on with my life, post-cheating [censored].

My girlfriend found an apartment only a few blocks away from the school, and feels bad enough about what she did to pay her half while living somewhere else until I find a roommate (2 bedroom apt), which is a pretty sweet deal. Most of her crap is still here in Chicago, as she was too busy cheating to pack it up herself while I've been at work (she was off for the summer--->teacher). I've been packing it for her, but she said she'll fly up and do it herself. So all I really have to do is throw my [censored] in a car and head south, and I literally own only some chess and poker books and a few articles of clothing. It would take me a half hour. I can be out of this dreary situation tonight if I wanted and have a JD in 3 years, or I can trudge through another year of wasting away, and study something else afterwards. I don't know; both sides have their definite ups and downs. I know $45k isn't to be tinkered with, but this job just drains me; I leave the house at 6:30, I get back at 6:30, and I drink pretty much every night. I know I'll stop the drinking when in school (I'm not an alci, just to depressed/bored to do anything else), which I really want to do.

One last piece of info--last Friday my car broke down and flat out died; there will be no fixing it. So now I have no car. Existance will be a lot easier without a car on a campus than it will be in the expanse of Chicago. In school a bike will get me any place I need to be, while here I'd be forced into buying a car or making life that much more difficult.

Ugh...Please, advice. The majority on this board will probably be the deciding factor.