I darko'd some fool at the beach

eviljeff · #1 07-03-2007, 09:34 PM

This happened over 5 hours ago, but I'm still pumped up from it.

My buddy Jason, his fiance Emily, and I are all chilling on the beach drinking some Coronas. It's getting pretty hot, so Jason and I grab our boards and head down to the water. Emily stays behind and reads her magazine. We come back after 30 minutes or so and Emily has moved our stuff about 10 yards. We ask her why she moved and she points over to a group of loudish guys playing volleyball. "Their ball kept hitting near me and getting sand on me." Jason and I take a look. They're in reasonable shape, but they're younger and drunk. They look like the type of kids that would never be seen without a Von Dutch hat. I don't know if anyone else uses this term, but we call them "brosephs." Jason says, "Do we need to have a talk with them?" Emily is the sweetest girl in the world, so I know what her answer is before she opens her mouth. "No, it's totally fine. It only happened like twice. It was an accident I'm sure. Come sit." We each crack a new beer, and Jason lays down with his head in Emily's lap.

Not 10 minutes go by and the guys have gotten louder. I look up and they've moved closer to us for no particular reason. Whatever, we just ignore them. I'm laying down with my eyes closed when I hear a thud and Emily says "ow!" The [censored] hit her in head with the ball, knocking off her sunglasses and making her spill J's beer. I'm not a testosterone junky, but Jason has been my best friend since childhood. I know he's going to get into it with them, so I'm on my feet walking toward them while J checks on Emily. I'm not worried because I know he's right behind me.

There's 3 of them. I pick up their ball, boot it toward the ocean, and say, "We have a problem." The closest one to me, who has spiky frosted tips, tells me to [censored] off and fetch his ball. I start walking toward him as J is jogging toward me after shaking Em loose (she was trying to hold him back, but let him go when she saw I was getting into it). Out of the corner of my eye I see the tall guy trying to circle out of my field of vision. Then he starts running at me. Now where have I seen this before? I turn to face him, plant, and crouch. As he reaches me, I duck, grab his legs, turn using his momentum, and slam him into the sand. J pops him once in the face before I have time to get up. The guy starts screaming, doesn't get up, and cups his nose, which is pouring blood. His buddies run over. They aren't going to fight us, they're just worried about their idiot friend. Frosty just keeps saying "oh [censored] oh [censored] oh [censored]." The other dude is a little calmer. He looks at me and says, "That was a dirty move man." I give him a laugh, "Are you kidding me? He [censored] charged me." He shakes his head, "Nah man, that was a cheap shot. You know the rules and so do I. A full commitment's what I'm thinking of. You wouldn't get this from any other guy. I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling. Gotta make you understand. Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry. Never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you."