How much of a douche is my friend?

Rev. Good Will · #1 01-21-2007, 10:00 PM

EDIT- Fudge, I realize we have the dorm for this type of thing now, mod move please. My mistake

And is it even worth getting involved?

Cliff notes: One of my friends "Sam" is over his head in college; both financially, and academically. He used to dorm, now will commute. Another one of my friends "Jacob" commutes to this school and refuses to give him a ride to class as a way of tough love, and trying to get him to go to another school.

So my High School friend Sam previously went to a community college, and got by with very marginal grades. The rest of my HS friends all went to a private school, and are doing fairly well. Sam wants to go hang out with all his friends from high school. Everyone thinks Sam shouldn't do this due to all the loans he will need, as well as the courseload is significantly harder in this school. Sam dorms, rooms with a friend from HS, and for a symester drinks, smokes pot, plays World of Warcraft, and fails 3 classes out of 5. Facing more schooling to catch up, and therefor more loans, Sam deiceds to commute, but the problem is he doesn't have a car or a lisense. To get to school, Sam must now take the bus, or ask a friend of ours who also goes to the same school to give him a ride, Jacob. Jacob doesn't want to give Sam a ride for numerous reasons: 1 - Sam take [censored] forever to get ready, and would slow Jacob down. 2 - Jacob uses the commute drive as personal reflection. 3 - Jacob refuses also as a method to prevent Sam from coming to the school, as a "tough love" of sorts.

I, although disagree with what Sam is doing entirely, think Sam will continue to go down this path, and be making these mistakes. I however don't think it is Jacob's place to make this decision for Sam, as he has to realize it on his own, and also shouldn't treat Sam like a child (though Sam acts like one alot).

I am trying to convince Jacob to at least agree to he tells Sam his schedule, and what time he plans on leaving. If Sam happens to be at his house before/at this time, then give the kid a ride. Jacob is refusing.

Who is more in the wrong? Any more thoughts on this?

Los Feliz Slim · #2 01-21-2007, 10:13 PM

Jacob is a douchebag. The taking-too-long stuff holds SOME water, the other stuff is [censored].

Apathy · #3 01-21-2007, 10:15 PM

Reading stuff like this makes me appreciate me friends a lot.

Wes Mantooth · #4 01-21-2007, 10:19 PM

Rev. Good Will, sorry you have friends like them

gamblore99 · #5 01-21-2007, 10:19 PM

Its really hard to give an answer without knowing more about Sam. From your post it seems like you are certain he's going to [censored] up again, in which case I can understand jacobs feelings.

Alot of how much of a douche jacob is depends on how he responds. Flat out refusing and not discussing it with Sam is very douchey.

Rev. Good Will · #6 01-21-2007, 10:27 PM

Sam is online asking Jacob to give him a ride to school. They are talking it out now. For now, I plan on showing Jacob this thread.

SoloAJ · #7 01-21-2007, 10:37 PM

Second Jacob being a tool. If the kid is making strides to GO to class...why wouldn't he give him a ride?

I could see, in this situation, not giving a ride to him to the bars when he has class next hour...but wtf...let him try to do well...?

Hopey · #8 01-21-2007, 11:12 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Second Jacob being a tool. If the kid is making strides to GO to class...why wouldn't he give him a ride?

I could see, in this situation, not giving a ride to him to the bars when he has class next hour...but wtf...let him try to do well...?

[/ QUOTE ]

I think the problem is more the fact that Jacob (and the rest of their friends) see Sam as a lazy mooch, and feel that he's being taken advantage of by Sam. The "personal reflection" thing is just a smokescreen. In reality, I'm guessing that Jacob doesn't like Sam very much.

NU Star · #9 01-21-2007, 11:13 PM

I don't think Jacob should be trying to actively control this guy so much. If you can give you friend a ride to school without much trouble you should do it. There just isn't enough argument for going to class being a bad thing. If he wasn't giving him a ride to a casino or where he had a problem that would be a different situation.

BTW: CliffNotes were totally inadequate.

Hopey · #10 01-21-2007, 11:10 PM

It's doesn't sound like Sam's friendship means that much to Jacob. However, he probably doesn't want to stop pretending being friends with Sam, due to the fact that Sam has mutual friends (such as the OP) and doesn't want an uncomfortable situation.

That being said...Sam should be offering to pay a few bucks for gas in order to make up for the inconvenience of Jacob having to pick him up each morning. If Sam was a good guy, he'd be offering up some cash. Jacob can refuse the money, but it should still be offered by Sam.

The problem that Jacob has with the fact that Sam "takes forever to get ready" is easily rectified. I had a similar problem with a girl I was carpooling with a few years ago. I'd always sit outside her home for 5-10 each day waiting for her. She'd have a different excuse every morning for why it took her so long. I finally told her that I'd be sitting outside her house each morning at 7:30AM. If she wasn't in the car by 7:33, I'd drive away and she'd have to find her own way to work.

She was a little pissed off when I first told her the new "rules", but she was never late in coming out to the car from that day forward. The fear of possibly having to take the bus to work was enough motivation for her to move her lazy ass a little more quickly every morning, apparently.