An EDF Introspective: S.R.E.A.M.

[ElSapo]

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Now, I'm 31 years old. I've been with my girlfriend a while now, and while I'm not out in bars trying to pick up random chicks I still feel the same "could I?" in the back of my mind. That same question, that same need for validation.

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I'm getting married in 9 weeks and I still occasionally have thoughts like these. I'm pretty sure it's completely standard. But are these thoughts/anxieties actually driving your actions? It seems like OP is not just talking about the urge to have sex, but how that shapes the rest of our behavior.

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I'd have to say yes. From talking to random girls in bars (even now, I suppose) to my actions when I was younger, I think it's more action-oriented and less theortical.

On the flip side, if everyone says I'm normal I can run with that also.

But really, rarely did I care how attractive someone was. I always felt like what I really wanted to know was, "will she?"

[gonores]

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Um, what's a bad reason for having sex?

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This is really, really broad, but I guess the main "bad reason" I had in mind would be when you have sex for the sake of validation or acceptance even though your partner either cannot or will not validate you as a person.

Another big one would be to distract you from some negative feeling or situation.

[gonores]

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Sex is more of a temporary fulfillment of what the majority precieve as happiness. (We get the impression early on that the more sex we have the happier we will be.)

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Really well put. I agree with your sentiment.

What are the chances you could expound upon what exactly it is that creates that temporary perception of fulfillment?

[gumpzilla]

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This is really, really broad, but I guess the main "bad reason" I had in mind would be when you have sex for the sake of validation or acceptance even though your partner either cannot or will not validate you as a person.

Another big one would be to distract you from some negative feeling or situation.

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But these are not necessarily blanket bad reasons. Lots of people might find these perfectly acceptable under some circumstances.

[gonores]

Sapo,

Not shocked that you would be the first to really open up and get into the some of material I'm looking for. Thanks for sharing.

[gonores]

All,

I'd like to clarify something. I meant to be very broad when I said

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doing certain things in our lives in the name of getting laid is generally seen as acceptable or even admirable among our group of peers

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This doesn't just mean getting drunk or lowing your standards. This encompasses things like going to the gym and focusing on looking attractive instead of increasing your health. Also, things like maybe going to medical school or buying a rolex or going to a lame social gathering even though you don't think it'll be fun would apply. Literally anything that has been done in the name of increasing the chances of having sex can fall under this umbrella.

[gonores]

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But these are not necessarily blanket bad reasons. Lots of people might find these perfectly acceptable under some circumstances.

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GAH. THIS IS THE EXACT POINT I'M TRYING TO MAKE. Why does our society think this line of rationale is acceptable? It is my contention that having sex for these "bad reasons" is detrimental to one's overall happiness and well-being. Seeking validation from someone who knows very little about you can wreak havoc on one's overall psyche.

[gumpzilla]

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But these are not necessarily blanket bad reasons. Lots of people might find these perfectly acceptable under some circumstances.

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GAH. THIS IS THE EXACT POINT I'M TRYING TO MAKE. Why does our society think this line of rationale is acceptable? It is my contention that having sex for these "bad reasons" is detrimental to one's overall happiness and well-being. Seeking validation from someone who knows very little about you can wreak havoc on one's overall psyche.

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You seem to be looking for more of a one size fits all approach to how people should behave. I'm not on board for such a thing. I think people will have widely varying importances that they assign to sex, and I think that is as it should be. If you would like to argue that for many people that valuation is too high, then I think you're probably right. However, to use one of your examples, I suspect there are many people for whom having sex as a distraction is outright positive, and not just not bad.

[SNOWBALL]

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We call in to question soooo many motivational tools such as money, religion, obligation to others, spite, etc,

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these motives rarely get called into question unless the actions they inspire are deemed unethical. It's the same thing with sex actually.

[RoundTower]

237 reasons why people have sex