social anxiety

[thehabit 420]

For me, I just wouldnt want to go out unless I could get an oc to get [censored] up. Going out lost its fun. I wasnt an addict, because I wouldnt do drugs (besides smokin weed) on an everyday basis, but if my friends wanted to go to the bar on a weekend night, for me to get motivated to go out and enjoy myself without feeling uneasy was to get an Oxy. I just wouldnt have fun just getting drunk, Id feel uneasy around large groups of people and get this totally uncomfortably feeling like people were talking [censored] about me, or looking at me weird.

But maybe previous years of drug use just completely [censored] my brain and self esteem up. I remember being younger where I was very outgoing and never shy, and now Im usually shy and keep to myself if I go out, that is unless I get drunk or take an oscar. Maybe the pot also gives me the anxiety, not sure, but pot also makes my life much more enjoyable to watch movies and eat food [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[Better Than U]

"Me three.

Dysthymia or dysthymic disorder is a form of the mood disorder of depression characterized by a lack of enjoyment/pleasure in life that continues for at least two years. It differs from major depression in the severity of the symptoms. Dysthymia can, though it does not always, prevent a person from functioning or affect sleep patterns and daily activities.

Dysthymia may seem a paradoxical disorder in that sufferers exhibit fairly mild symptoms on a day-to-day basis; however, over a lifetime it can have severe effects, such as high rates of suicide, work impairment, and social isolation. The symptoms of patients with dysthymic disorder are not as severe as those associated with major depression, but the duration of these symptoms is much longer. When a major depressive episode occurs on top of dysthymia, clinicians may refer to the resultant condition as double depression. "

This seems very much like me. I hit my worst on Easter a few weeks ago when I went to my inlaws house for dinner and atm there were only 6 other ppl around and I began freaking out(crying for no reason) and knowing that there were more people coming I just split and went home. I was also on anti depressants when I was younger as well. I'm never happy because I have no goals in life and just stay inside play poker(been pro for 3 1/2 years and rarely go outside) and make money, but aside from bills never spend it and let my wife spend alot of money. At times on the drop of a dime I feel like I want to kill myself and for better or worse I tell my wife and just tell her to not talk to me but not leave me alone either. FWIW I don't do drugs or drink, at all. Anyways, I was rambling, thanks for letting me.