How my stance on panhandlers changed, if just for one day.

[kyleb]

(I know there's another thread on panhandlers in EDGD, but I feel this might merit another post. Feel free to handle it as you will.)

My stance on panhandlers is probably not much different than the average person posting in this forum: I walk by them, sometimes saying "Sorry, man," but only very rarely giving up spare change to them. I do not think less of them; oftentimes, they are people who really have hit bad streaks of luck in their life who made just a few poor decisions about life. Through the work I have done with various charitable organizations (Habitat for Humanity remains one of the better ones I have worked with), I feel as if I know how some of these people think and how they may have gotten to such a terrible point in life. Still, like many others, I do not give money directly to the beggars - opting instead to donate my time and money to charitable organizations.

Two days ago I walked from my office building to a downtown P.F. Chang's to eat some chow mein in the lounge area and take a break from what was going to be another 15 hour day at my desk. As I briskly walked back with my Bolle polarized sunglasses on, there was a woman in a wheelchair with a small brown dog just two blocks from my office. My sunglasses would have made it easy to avoid eye contact and spare myself any embarassment I might feel. As I walked by, she said "Anything you could possibly spare, sir..."

Surely you have heard this line before - I know I have. However, the way it was said was not in a tone of expectance, or one of desperation, even. Something in her voice sounded so pathetic, so weak, and so sad, that it deeply affected me.

I walked by, saying nothing to her, holding a rolled up copy of Wired magazine in my left hand while I waited for the light on the opposite side of the block. I glanced across the street and saw the familiar McDonalds, and thought to myself, "Wouldn't it be really nice to buy that person and her dog some food?"

I mulled this thought over in my mind for a few seconds, like I had done many times before, and walked across the street and ordered a 10-piece chicken nugget meal with a bottle of water instead of a fountain drink, two apple pies, and two meat patties.

I, like many others, have often said "I won't give money to the homeless, but I would gladly buy them a sandwich." To date, I had yet to do such a thing, despite being so "willing" to do this.

I walked back to the area she was in and kneeled down to pet the shaggy dog. He started barking wildly; he almost definitely smelled the food in my right hand and was quite hungry. I asked the woman what her dog's name was, but couldn't quite hear it over the dog's frantic barking. I presented her with the food I had bought, and she said "Oh, I really don't want to take your dinner - that's asking too much." I insisted that it was fine, that I had purchased the food for her, along with two hamburger patties for her dog to enjoy.

She looked at me and was speechless. After a few seconds, she managed to ask me if it was alright; was it okay that she took my food?

"Of course it's okay. Have a good weekend."

I walked back to my building, got to my 30th floor office, sat at my desk, and contemplated what inside me had changed for once in my life. Never before had I done such a thing for a panhandler directly; what made this experience different?

It has been two days since the incident, and I still can't figure out what made me go back and perform a rare act of direct charity on my part.

Maybe this is maturity on another level.

[john voight]

I think this is a thing we all would like to do, The question is, why don't we?

I mean, while 90% of us hold the same opinion about homeless ppl (I feel bad, but I just can't give in, who knows what they spend the money on, someone else will help, etc...), I think if we were to do an act like this, it would have a profound affect on how we feel.

Some satisfaction maybe? IDK.
Well, IDK why you did it. I guess you decided to do a good thing, instead of a regular thing.

[lapoker17]

this is a good story i enjoyed reading it.

also, most people i know do this stuff pretty regularly.

[PokerBob]

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also, most people i know do this stuff pretty regularly.

[/ QUOTE ]
huh?

[HP]

Before saying anything I'll get this out of the way: I'm one of those guys who thinks everything we do is ultimately done with the intention of benefiting ourselves

My stance on panhandlers and charity in general is about the same as yours. Doing charitable things makes me feel good, but there are more effective ways to be charitable than by giving to panhandlers IMO. The more effective, the better it makes me feel

However I could see myself maybe doing the exact same thing you did OP. And I reckon, even if this was not the most effective way to be charitable (I would think 10 minutes of my time and $10 could be more effective spent in other ways), I would still maybe do this. I would get more out of it because I actually get to do it in person, and see the reaction on her face, etc.

So it sounds like maybe in this case, because of the way she asked you, you predicted the 'in-person benefit' would be larger than normal

[Aloysius]

[ QUOTE ]
Before saying anything I'll get this out of the way: I'm one of those guys who thinks everything we do is ultimately done with the intention of benefiting ourselves

My stance on panhandlers and charity in general is about the same as yours. Doing charitable things makes me feel good, but there are more effective ways to be charitable than by giving to panhandlers IMO. The more effective, the better it makes me feel

However I could see myself maybe doing the exact same thing you did OP. And I reckon, even if this was not the most effective way to be charitable (I would think 10 minutes of my time and $10 could be more effective spent in other ways), I would still maybe do this. I would get more out of it because I actually get to do it in person, and see the reaction on her face, etc.

So it sounds like maybe in this case, because of the way she asked you, you predicted the 'in-person benefit' would be larger than normal

[/ QUOTE ]

The tone of the OP is quite self-aggrandizing and a bit precious, which leads me to believe the above is more true than any paradigm shift / newfound maturity.

Not to be overly cynical, but from what I've seen these "above and beyond" moments of charity are more contextually driven (e.g. one has the time, or just in a particularly giving mood) then a signifier of any real change in the person. And it's usually much more about the person feeling good about himself, than it is about helping someone.

-Al

[Foucault]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Before saying anything I'll get this out of the way: I'm one of those guys who thinks everything we do is ultimately done with the intention of benefiting ourselves

My stance on panhandlers and charity in general is about the same as yours. Doing charitable things makes me feel good, but there are more effective ways to be charitable than by giving to panhandlers IMO. The more effective, the better it makes me feel

However I could see myself maybe doing the exact same thing you did OP. And I reckon, even if this was not the most effective way to be charitable (I would think 10 minutes of my time and $10 could be more effective spent in other ways), I would still maybe do this. I would get more out of it because I actually get to do it in person, and see the reaction on her face, etc.

So it sounds like maybe in this case, because of the way she asked you, you predicted the 'in-person benefit' would be larger than normal

[/ QUOTE ]

The tone of the OP is quite self-aggrandizing and a bit precious, which leads me to believe the above is more true than any paradigm shift / newfound maturity.

Not to be overly cynical, but from what I've seen these "above and beyond" moments of charity are more contextually driven (e.g. one has the time, or just in a particularly giving mood) then a signifier of any real change in the person. And it's usually much more about the person feeling good about himself, than it is about helping someone.

-Al

[/ QUOTE ]

Point taken. But I'm not a lot more comfortable plumbing OP's motives than I am speculating about how panhandlers are going to use their money. Basically I don't think it matters that much if it wasn't "really about helping" or whatever. It sounds like he did help, and that's something he deserves to feel good about it. Even self-serving charity (and I'm not saying that's necessarily what this was) is better than none at all.

[Aloysius]

[ QUOTE ]
Even self-serving charity (and I'm not saying that's necessarily what this was) is better than none at all.

[/ QUOTE ]

Foucault - I agree with that, and am not trying to detract from the net positive of OP's charity. It's alot more than your average person would / ever do.

However, OP seemed genuinely confused on this point:

[ QUOTE ]
It has been two days since the incident, and I still can't figure out what made me go back and perform a rare act of direct charity on my part.

Maybe this is maturity on another level.

[/ QUOTE ]

And I was just giving my take based on what I believe motivates most people, and the, imo, overly-dramatic, self-aggrandizing tone of the OP.

-Al

[danlux]

There's a reason why family memebers of addicts have to be counseled almost as much as the actual addict does, it's because they think they are actually helping when they give the person a place to stay or money to buy drugs.

You're not helping addicts by giving them money, stop pretending you are. You would be helping them more by punching them in the face instead of giving them a dollar.

[ike]

[ QUOTE ]
Never before had I done such a thing for a panhandler directly; what made this experience different?


[/ QUOTE ]

Not to be a dick, but with respect to this question, at what point did you decide to post on 2+2 about it? I imagine that producing a good story was a significant part of the motivation.

On the other hand maybe you're just a sucker for puppies.