Taking a break from Poker - LONG & Low Content

[JanelleBB7]

*Buzz I decided not to post this in the Novemeber Low content because it doesn't really fit there and also it probably doesn't fit here... most likely it is something for ElDiablo but I prefer to put it here because I don't know those people.*

In advance I am warning you this will be very long and contain little Omaha content, but as poker players we are more than just the game itself and the strategies that we learn. Our lives can influence how we play as poker players. No matter how much we try to separate our emotions from the game, they are a part of it. I find that my playing is deeply affected by my emotions and my self perception.

I have gone through a rollercoaster of emotions in a relatively short period of time (3 months). Poker is like a really passionate relationship. You sometimes are deeply in love with it, but you're always on the verge of saying you never want to see it again. You want to run from it because you can see how much it has consumed you and how it affects the very way you feel and perceive yourself. If you are having a really good session you feel like you are on top of the world and nothing can touch you, you are invinciable, and the next minute through a series of bad beats you despise yourself and doubt yourself and think everything that can go wrong will go wrong. It is a horrible gut wrenching feeling, and when you are in it all you want is for it to stop and to be replaced by the love you feel when you are raking in pots.

I am pretty sure you all have felt this and are currently experiencing one of the two polar opposite feelings.

So on to my story and how I have come to the decision to take a break for the holidays.

This has been a very difficult week for me just from a personal stand point. My boyfriend’s mother found out two weeks ago that she has breast cancer. My boyfriend, of course, is upset about this and so is his family. Since I have a good relationship with them it has affected me too emotionally. I made the difficult decision to come and help the family while she is going through this which has made things stressful between me and my Dad. Even though my Dad understands the need for me to help out, he is not happy about my decision to move in with my boyfriend. My boyfriend lives in an apartment above the shop his parents run their business out of, so by living there I am close and can help take his mother to the hospital for treatments and help the business.

Now this is affecting my poker because I am tired and stressed at the end of the day. I have noticed that I am making a lot more errors than usual. I have been misreading hands, making sloppy plays, and at times tilting for no reason.

I built up this excitement for FTOPS all week. I even made sure I had proper rest and nutrition, but the game went so horribly wrong that there was nothing I could do to prevent busting out (except rebuying but I set a limit). When I lost, I was just so fustrated and disappointed with myself that I was overcome with emotion. Then just to make things worse, this guy I had played against in the qualifier shows up in observer chat (stalker) and insults me by saying that he saw that I had busted out of the tournament and preceeded to tuant me. Now this guy had played horrible in the qualifier with me so it isn’t that I had any respect for his opinion, but I was already on the verge of tears and he actually makes this comment in the chatbox. “I bet you cried when you went out.” The strange irony is I did start balling. I had to quickly leave my computer go to the bathroom and started crying my eyes out. I didn’t want Jason to see me sitting at the computer balling my eyes out because I knew he would say I should quit playing poker if it gets me that emotionally worked up.

I never flat out balled my eyes out while playing, but I do get very emotional when things go badly and it can be extremly positive or bad, like in this case where I just balled my eyes out.

I know some of you are thinking that there is no crying in poker, but I disagree. Maybe you guys don’t actually start balling but emotionally the result is the same. You may get angry or depressed or whatever feeling overcomes you and makes you feel miserable.

So today after the FTOPS and after balling in the bathroom for 15 minutes, I came back thought I was calm and could play again, but I started to tilt and play poorly and it came to me that I really need to take a break. I am not emotionally in the right place to play right now. I will end up losing my whole bankroll if I don’t stop myself.

My life is not like it was when I was making big profits. There has been a big traumatic shift. I am not able to do whatever I want whenever I want like in September and October. I have a lot of demands on me now that go beyond myself. I haven’t had this kind of responsibility and pressure before and it is taking a toll. It has only been two weeks but it is already too much.

I also realized it is just going to get worse with the holidays approaching. My relatives will be coming and there is a whole set of dynamics there waiting to explode. I know I am not the only one going through these types of issues. Maybe there is someone else that is having these complications and it is reflecting in their game and maybe by writing this you will also realize it is time for a break.

I plan to focus on trying to take care of my personal life 1st and poker will be there when I get things under control. My main fear is that it may take a while to get things under control. I am not sure. I haven’t had to deal with this much all at once.

Dealing with school (finals coming up), my bf’s sick mother, my bfs emotional needs as he currently feels neglected, my father’s displeasure at my leaving home, and now the holiday’s and my dysfunctional parts of the family all in one place at one time.

My cousin who I haven’t spoken to in about 6 years is coming with her son and she has been so nasty to me and everyone else in the family. I am not sure why she is coming, but the last time I had to share a room with her she almost beat the hell out of me, and so I am REALLY not looking forward to her visit. She has some serious rage issues and for some reason really despises me.

Ugh, so I am taking a break and plan not to play any serious poker until after the whole holiday season. Maybe just play the weekly beginners games which have zero stress involved and are virtually free games.

In my spare time, I thought maybe I will just actually study what I have done to this point and learn and prepare for when I am in the right emotional place to play again. Maybe someone else feels this way and this will inspire then to take a break… step away and recenter yourself as a poker player. Take this time to get things worked out at home and use your spare time that you may want to play poker to just study poker and go over what you have been doing and reevaluate.

Sorry this all went on forever but I am really over come with emotion and I just needed to pour it all out.

[thisnamedoesntfi]

I wish you well Renae. I think you are doing the right thing taking a break.Poker isn't going anywhere. It will continue to grow and you'll always find a game if you want one.

The other things going on in your life are of far more importance and deserve your complete attention.

Good luck!

[jipster]

Janelle; you've not failed to impress me since i started seeing some posts by you in the past couple of weeks.

This is an amazing post; there are not a lot of players out there who can actually take the time to sit back and assess how and why non-poker issues can start to affect their poker.

I was stuck in a rut for long time after going busto. When i did play i was playing badly; i was depressed etc etc...

it took a very close friend to turn around and say 'i dont consider you a friend at the moment' for me to actually take a good look at my life and make some changes.

I was fortunate; another friend rang me up with a plan to stake me and 6 months on ive made money every month (allbeit not much)

More importantly I'm thinking about the game well; am constantly browsing here and on the phone chatting about hands, plays and strategy.

Even more importantly i'm enjoying life again, my self confidence has returned... i met (and broke up with) a lovely girl. My mental wellbeing is good.

The trick to this game before everything is the ability to beat your self; you have shown maturity and an ability to think beyond the game itself.

A break is a fine idea; especially given the circumstances....sometimes a five minute break to get off tilt is called for, other times a much longer break is needed; just like any other job.

I hope your boyfriends mother recovers; keep well and good luck

[CrushinFelt]

[ QUOTE ]
I am pretty sure you all have felt this and are currently experiencing one of the two polar opposite feelings

[/ QUOTE ]

a lot of us have been around quite a while so the quote above is not true for a lot of us, it was pretty obvious from the start that you were a little too happy/sad about your results from day to day

[thisnamedoesntfi]

Yeah I was going to say, excitement------->mild disappointment should be your emotional range when playing poker. Anywhere outside that and you get away from the right head space. It seems like you are in the wrong head space to start with, so a break is obviously a great idea.

[pete fabrizio]

it's just one tournament, geez.

[Big Dave D]

There is an old, hackneyed phrase that Poker is a people game played with cards. This is true, but what it doesn't really say is that the most important of those people is yourself.

Poker itself isn't that "hard". Compared to something like chess or backgammon, the level of intellectual ability, experience and study to become proficient is tiny. And yet the vast majority of people are probably lifetime losers. You are discovering why. The "you" factor is massive and no matter how skillful you may be, emotional and mental factors far overweigh technical ability, as followers of the slow motion car crash of Bluescouse can testify.

I am mostly playing mid *limit* games at present, 10-20 to 30-60. A few days ago I lost 1400 and I was mildy displeased, mostly because I had taken a bad shot at the 30-60 Stud8b. The next day I effectively won it all back. I didn't really feel anything at all.

Poker is best played in these states of mind mostly approaching boredom and apathy. All the shouting and excitement you see on TV is tourney donks, who mostly get what they deserve. As a general rule, the most successful players look and feel like they would rather be somewhere else.

gl

bdd

[wazz]

Agreed with almost everything you said, dave, apart from

'Compared to something like chess or backgammon, the level of intellectual ability, experience and study to become proficient is tiny.'

The key skills for chess, backgammon and poker can and are all taught, in books, coaching etc, but it's the psychological element that separates poker from chess and backgammon. There is a large but finite number of card-specific situations in poker, multiplied by an infinite range of variables specific to the psychology of every person who was dealt in to that hand, plus past history, etc. The skills needed to incorporate all the available information and then use that to come up with the best action are not something you'd find in chess or backgammon.

'And yet the vast majority of people are probably lifetime losers.'

It would be a crazy world where this is not true. I'd suggest you don't need the 'probably'!

Janelle - some people find it easier than others to blank out emotion from their game, and this is certainly a desirable skill, but if you're vaguely in control of your own psychology it's not a huge mistake to allow yourself to be emotionally affected by results, as long as you can dissociate your play from your emotions.

[Big Dave D]

Wazz, Of course the meta game stuff is what makes poker interesting. I was referring to the specific game mechanics/skill/understanding of the game/struggling to find the right phrase stuff. Most of the chess giants started as children. Backgammon pro's typically practice, not play, but practice, as if it were a full time job. You just don't need that dedication to get the basics of poker. And these basics are much less important than the meta game stuff.

I know, and I'm sure you do too, several old time live pros that have a pretty bad understanding of the "game" of poker but their temperament relative to their foes is so much better that they end up winners anyway.

gl

bdd

[JanelleBB7]

[ QUOTE ]
Janelle; you've not failed to impress me since i started seeing some posts by you in the past couple of weeks.
<font color="blue">Ty that is a very nice compliment, </font>

This is an amazing post; there are not a lot of players out there who can actually take the time to sit back and assess how and why non-poker issues can start to affect their poker.

<font color="blue"> Ty again. Yes it was just so clear to me that my playing was become poor and I knew it must be because my life is changing so drastically. I love my family too much to mess that up for poker. </font>

I was stuck in a rut for long time after going busto. When i did play i was playing badly; i was depressed etc etc...

it took a very close friend to turn around and say 'i dont consider you a friend at the moment' for me to actually take a good look at my life and make some changes.
<font color="blue"> Wow... quite a comment. But in my case my bf has been very understanding about my poker playing -- to a degree. He hasn't made a big to do about it, but I can tell by comments he makes he is holding it back for some blow up which would eventually happen... if that makes sense. </font>

I was fortunate; another friend rang me up with a plan to stake me and 6 months on ive made money every month (allbeit not much)

More importantly I'm thinking about the game well; am constantly browsing here and on the phone chatting about hands, plays and strategy.

Even more importantly i'm enjoying life again, my self confidence has returned... i met (and broke up with) a lovely girl. My mental wellbeing is good.

<font color="blue"> LOL well I don't think my wellbeing would be good after that but I guess you weren't really in love. </font>

The trick to this game before everything is the ability to beat your self; you have shown maturity and an ability to think beyond the game itself.

A break is a fine idea; especially given the circumstances....sometimes a five minute break to get off tilt is called for, other times a much longer break is needed; just like any other job.

I hope your boyfriends mother recovers; keep well and good luck

[/ QUOTE ]

<font color="blue"> TY... yes I think after I take a break. I will come back better than before because I realized I haven't given myself time to actually really learn this game and really absorb everything I have learned. I feel like I just got caught in a whirlwind and went along for the ride. Now when I think about playing poker I plan to read and study instead until after the whole holiday fiasco is over. I haven't read any Omaha books still and I don't review my hands like I did in the beginning and I have a lot of hands to review.

Thank you for your sentiments for my family. It is hard because my dad had just dealt with prostate cancer two years before and that was emotionally stressing for me too and now I feel like I am going through it all over again. It makes me worry. I can't help it I am just a worrier.</font>