Things non 2+2'ers/Ballers/Poker Players Say That Tilt You

[kyleb]

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you lost HOW much playing blackjack

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rofl
[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]

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alternatively

you won HOW MUCH shooting dice

can you seriously win money doing that etc etc

[LostMyCaseMoney]

I tell strangers I'm an equity analyst. Unfortunately all the people I've told you are the reason I don't people anymore end up telling those people I play poker.

[Kirbynator]

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I had to listen to a gem of a conversation tonight at a card club about how the random number generators for poker sites work somehow based off measuring your cpu heat.


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you do know some sites use the kind of generator that uses that type of info to randomize their numbers, right?...

[kyleb]

I gotta be honest though, I never got the following lines:

"But how much did you lose?"
"If I give you $100 can you turn it into $200/$400/$430684?"

I did get a lot of:

"How do you get the money online?"
"Can you teach me?"
"Can you stake me?"
"Sooooo is it anything like blackjack because I'm pretty good at that..."

[so sick bro]

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I had to listen to a gem of a conversation tonight at a card club about how the random number generators for poker sites work somehow based off measuring your cpu heat.


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you do know some sites use the kind of generator that uses that type of info to randomize their numbers, right?...

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that seems really odd, and I've never heard of that. well before that conversation I guess. Does [censored] like your cpu heat really affect the RNG?

Even so, that conversation was still ridiculous to listen to even if the guy was right about that concept he was talking about [censored] he was clearly almost certainly making up off the top of his head like programs that measure heat and other players can tell your cards and a bunch of other [censored] him and others were agreeing on about how rigged internet poker is to try to justify how bad they suck

[PrimogenitoX]

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Friend: "How much money do you have online?"

Me: "$_____"

Friend: "How much do you play per hand???"

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I always answer this with whatever the current game I am grinding per hand and say that I play x number of hands at a time...x being how many tables I am playing obv...."I play $600-$1000 a hand and I play 8 hands at a time" GG

[CalledDownLight]

My mom is a total fish in this [censored] and doesn't understand it one bit. Playing 8 tables is reason for rehab and getting coolered is proof thats its all just luck.

mom: You know he's sitting at his computer saying that he could have just as easily been the one with a pair of aces.
me: ok thats fine...he's not taking my money with them when I have 94o.
mom: well isn't he just as likely to get that hand as you are?
me: yea...at least you know some elementary statistics
mom: well its all luck then since you'll be on the other end of it as much as he is
Then I shove 52o because I'm tilted as [censored] and suckout thus proving that its all luck


Trying to explain how long it takes to get an accurate winrate.
me: Well, a couple 100k hands is enough to reach the long term.
mom: You mean you want to play a hundred thousand hands? Thats gonna take you like a lifetime. You need to quit and do something productive. If you don't have anything better to do then I have some chores.
me: umm no, plan on doing it this summer if you stfu and stop tilting me.

Trying to explain that poker is a positive EV gamble if you're any good.
me: well, lets say you were to flip a coin with someone and everytime you won you got $1.05 and everytime you lost you lost $1.00 (small numbers zomg good pschology). You would take that bet for infinite time since you'll make a good profit in the long-term, right?
mom: well no...I would never take that bet. Its too easy to lose a couple hundred dollars and then keep spending money you don't have. Thats what happens to people with gambling problems you know? They get sucked in and spend money they don't have on games of luck.
me: well, yea sometimes you lose, but thats why we have bankroll management and if you flip enough you'll start winning again.

How the [censored] is she smart enough to understand that you could have an almost infinite downswing on a +EV gamble and not understand that if its +EV and I have the bankroll then I should take it because I'm much more likely to show a profit?

[Case Closed]

<me> I play poker for a living
<people> that seems really complicated and hard
<me> it is!
<people> well how could an idiot like you do it then?

[Dan BRIGHT]

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GF: So how did you do playing online tonight?

Me: Well, I won/lost $________.

GF: You know it doesn't matter anyway, because it's just fake internet money.

Me: WTF are you talking about?

GF: You can't get it offline into your bank account.

Me: Well, actually, yes, I can. You see...

GF: No, I read an article about it somewhere a while back, blah blah vagina oprah woman crap blah

Me: *feels little piece of my brain die inside my skull*

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ahah years ago i had the same conversation with my dad. It wasnt until I moved out and paid for all my [censored] that he realized poker sites can make money at the same time as winning players.

[Chump Change]

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This thread has happened like 230232820 times before,

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And I say it every thread: All of you should be grateful for having these interactions, cuz they are the perfect intelligence test. If a person engages you and you explain it properly (<--this is also key) and they don't get it within 2 minutes, [censored] em, they're morons.

Srsrly, maybe i'm getting the wrong impression but why do you guys surround yourselves with retards? There is nobody I know that doesn't understand how it works, and that's not luck.