Marriage: One unfaithfulness exception, or none?

[miami32]

Dude this is ridiculous. I'm with a girl now I'm 100% certain I want to marry. I won't even go to strip clubs anymore. Cheating is awful dude. The trust is broken and it will never be the same. Plus do you really want that on your concious? I certainly don't. My gf is perfect now, our relationship is perfect now. I would like total trash if I ever ruined that and if you love your girlfriend the simple truth is you will too. If you think your gf could cheat on you and you'd be ok with it your out of your [censored] mind.

[heater]

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Wow. You sure do have a ton of respect for your future wife. [img]/images/graemlins/frown.gif[/img]

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I don't like olives, but I'll eat a pizza with a few bits of olive in it if it's baked well and the other ingredients are good.

Thanks everyone for the different points of view. A lot of food for thought for me.

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That's a little different from getting bamboozled into sucking a [censored]. "Gee, I don't know what happened, honey. He was just so charming."

[jeffnc]

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I am thinking of saying that we each get one chance, and after that it's instant split. Is this good?

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Uh, this seems like a really bad idea. It's your relationship and you know yourself and her better than I do. Still, the way you're asking the question makes it sound very..... at the risk of offending you..... immature.

You are taking a vow at marriage to be faithful. Which is apparently bogus because you're taking some other vow to be faithful except for once. This makes no sense to me.

You have to take things as they come. There are different forms of infidelity, different ways it can happen. And mostly it depends on whether it was a mistake or not, whether you two actually want to be together, whether or not it was admitted and apologized sincerely for and regretted, how much you can trust that person in the future. (OK, I'll admit to the first one because that's a freebie, then I'll lie about that second one because then we'd split.)

Trust is the more important issue. If you're going to be accepting of that sort of thing, you're better off saying "Hey I want to have a quick fling with this chick, is that OK with you?"

Sounds like you're planning for infidelity and lies.

[jeffnc]

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If you are serious about marriage, you shouldn't want to have an affair.

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There's a saying about fear - "Courage is being afraid, but doing it anyway." It could be that fidelity is sometimes wanting to have an affair, but not doing it.

[jeffnc]

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People who dismiss or ignore difficulties are less prepared to deal with them.

Agree or disagree?

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Well if you write it that way, who could possibly disagree? On the other hand, as you wrote your initial post, who could possibly agree?

Yeah, it's natural question, you just seemed to be going about it the wrong way. How old are you by the way?

About the best piece of advice I can give someone is to not be in a hurry to get married. If you 2 are committed for life, then why on earth hurry to marriage? Usually the reason is one person starts putting pressure on the other to marry? Why? Insecurities usually, that unless you get married the bond might whither. Well, a good reason not to get married then, I say. If it's strong, it's strong, and you don't need to speed to marriage to "validate" it.

Anyway, back to your question. I've read that it's OK to slightly mistrust your wife, because that will lead you to do the right things to keep her interested in you. In other words, guys who think their wife would never ever cheat on them might get slack, then that allows some guy to come along and treat her better than her husband does. Allowing yourself to think that your wife is good enough for some other guy to try to have a fling with makes you do the things that makes her feel appreciated by you.

[Fast Food Knight]

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Oh, and watch your woman closely when she is fertile

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This is interesting. I wonder if women on birth control are less likely to cheat since they don't ovulate or have a fluctuation in fertility.

[garcia1000]

Me again!

I don't doubt that humans are genetically programmed to cheat. A whole bunch of books (The Red Queen, The Selfish Gene, and some other evolutionary biology books) talk about this; it maximises reproductive success. I also understand that society, marriage, etc exists to curb this kind of destructive behaviour!


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Still, the way you're asking the question makes it sound very..... at the risk of offending you..... immature.

Yeah, it's natural question, you just seemed to be going about it the wrong way. How old are you by the way?


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I probably phrased it poorly... how would you rephrase my question? I don't mean that I am already planning to cheat, or that she is. Of course I don't want that to happen. I'm 25, my girlfriend is 29.

One other thing, when does the chance of complications during pregnancy due to age of female increase to unacceptable levels? For example, if she was 50, obviously there would be risks involved. There would be fewer risks if she was 25. There might be risks at 30-35, I don't know, what are the statistics on that? I can't get many reliable statistics what with the ideologues everywhere.


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This is interesting. I wonder if women on birth control are less likely to cheat since they don't ovulate or have a fluctuation in fertility.

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Heh. It's completely obvious to me when it's the week before ovulation and she is in heat. She also tells me when her PMS is so that I can adjust, and the 'in heat' time is one week after the period starts!

[aces_dad]

Jack,

It is very possible they are trying to say the ratio of men/women infidelity is 3:1 (75/25%) not the ratio of faithful: unfaithful men is 4:3 or w/e. ie, if I add the following it makes (more) sense:

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Extramarital affairs continues to top the list. It accounts for 27 per cent of marriages ending in divorce.



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75 per cent of men are found to be involved in extramarital affairs, 25 per cent of women have relationship with men outside the purview of marriage.



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OP, since you're sure you won't cheat, are you really telling you're potential wife she's allowed one affair? If so I really don't see what you have to gain here.