Personal / dating / whatever life situation general advice thread

[El Diablo]

Onetime,

SH nailed it. Don't get into all that regret nonsense. Just message them "Hey, just found you on Facebook looking through old HS friends! Haven't seen you since HS, want to grab lunch next week and catch up?" Sure, they know you're hitting on them, but you said these are girls that liked you in HS anyway, so that's not a problem.

[JaBlue]

I'm going to break up with my girlfriend. This is the first serious relationship I've gotten myself into and will also be the first heavy break up. Been with her about a year, has been incredibly fun at times but we've argued too much for the last month and a half, which turned me way off to her. I attempted to do this all ready twice. One time was a two-minute talk that resulted in her calling me the next day (I would have never called her) and us getting back together. Then I tried again on the grounds that I didn't want to have a girlfriend, still trying to maintain that I liked her, but when trying to break up she convinced me - and I realized - that there's no real reason to break up right now. Before I was 50-70% sure I needed to end it but now its more like 80-90. She's real nice, very cool and fun, I just don't want her as a girlfriend anymore. How do I do this while hurting her feelings least? I don't really want to say something like "I just don't like you anymore" if I don't have to, but maybe I should(?). Any advice on breaking up/the whole thing?

[bobman0330]

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I'm going to break up with my girlfriend. This is the first serious relationship I've gotten myself into and will also be the first heavy break up. Been with her about a year, has been incredibly fun at times but we've argued too much for the last month and a half, which turned me way off to her. I attempted to do this all ready twice. One time was a two-minute talk that resulted in her calling me the next day (I would have never called her) and us getting back together. Then I tried again on the grounds that I didn't want to have a girlfriend, still trying to maintain that I liked her, but when trying to break up she convinced me - and I realized - that there's no real reason to break up right now. Before I was 50-70% sure I needed to end it but now its more like 80-90. She's real nice, very cool and fun, I just don't want her as a girlfriend anymore. How do I do this while hurting her feelings least? I don't really want to say something like "I just don't like you anymore" if I don't have to, but maybe I should(?). Any advice on breaking up/the whole thing?

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You don't have to convince her. Just make up some vague excuse (telling her you don't like her is probably unnecessarily cruel), tell her you want to stop seeing her, and you're done. Stick to your guns.

Or go the Costanza way and cheat on her and let her find out.

[gol4pro]

Dating advice question;

I was dating a girl for the last month, and at first everything was awesome. It is definitely my tendency to at first be really attractive and in control, and over time become a wuss.

Last week, we had a talk. Essentially, she said that she feels like I've become a friend to her. I know some of this has to do with my wussy-like behavior of late, but there are other complicating issues. She had a really hard childhood and is really close with her family as a result-- college (we are both freshman) is the first time she has ever been away from them and it has been really hard on her. Furthermore, since she always took care of her younger brother and sister, she is not used to people caring about her and it's hard for her. Emotionally, she has a lot of guy-like qualities like she tries to take care of things on her own, she does not trust people easily, etc.

I'm convinced she has started to see me as a friend for 2 reasons;

1) The family thing sort of forced me to act more like a friend than a boyfriend-- she needed someone to talk to, so I was there.
2) I have acted like a wuss of late
3) I have acted like a wuss of late
4) I have stopped doing non-wuss things like poking fun at her and calling her out when she's being ridiculous.

Essentially, I stopped doing the things that attracted her to me, and started being a friend. We're technically not dating right now, but the way we left it was we'll see how it goes after everything is sorted out with her family. Honestly, I'm not sure she needs to be in a relationship at the present moment. She's seeing her family this weekend (through tuesday, we're on break), so these next 2 weeks back are going to be very important in determining which direction this goes.

I can also report that the situation is improving. We're back to flirting like we used to, so that has to be a plus. I'm not used to taking a long time to get over break ups (usually less than a week), but I actually decided that she would be worth fighting for, so I'm not giving up on it quite yet. So as far as getting her back goes, I figure there are a couple ways I can go.

1) Act like I'm just meeting her for the first time, and be myself (girls generally like me at first because I like to make fun of people in a nice way).
2) Go the "serious" route and talk about it with her. This seems -EV, but I'm not so sure about option #1 either. However, if I do go this route, I think it's very important that I maintain CONTROL and do not become a wussy as I have the last couple weeks.
3) Keep going the direction we have been the last couple days, with flirting, etc. The hope would be that it naturally develops back into a relationship.

[captZEEbo]

I'm worried I'm too high maintenance for a guy. Any tips on becoming less high maintenance as a guy?

[gol4pro]

I 2nd zeebo's question, hence my awful behavior the last couple weeks. This girl took my manhood.

[aditya]

I have this general question about chicas. What exactly does it mean if a girl looks at you a lot? Like say we meet in class or w/e, she looks at me till we're past each other, and I do the same. Same if we see each other in the bus stop or w/e. Like you know how if there's a hot girl behind you in class, you turn around and are looking straight at the hot girl, but are weaving your head left and right to make it look like your trying to look past her, well that's what happening. I look at her a decent amount as well partly b/c she's smoking hot and I figure I have no chance, so I may as well as look. But now a days, I only look when she's looking at me, and she does the head weaving thing or immediately turns around. Gah, I prolly sound like a weirdo after this post.

[traz]

try smiling and see the glorious results

[Ship Ship McGipp]

[ QUOTE ]
I have this general question about chicas. What exactly does it mean if a girl looks at you a lot? Like say we meet in class or w/e, she looks at me till we're past each other, and I do the same. Same if we see each other in the bus stop or w/e. Like you know how if there's a hot girl behind you in class, you turn around and are looking straight at the hot girl, but are weaving your head left and right to make it look like your trying to look past her, well that's what happening. I look at her a decent amount as well partly b/c she's smoking hot and I figure I have no chance, so I may as well as look. But now a days, I only look when she's looking at me, and she does the head weaving thing or immediately turns around. Gah, I prolly sound like a weirdo after this post.

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do you have something on your face?

[keikiwai]

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How do I do this while hurting her feelings least?

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breaking up hurts

the more drawn out it is (break up - hook up again, etc.) the more it hurts

you just got to be clear, and be ready to say "no".... "no"..... "no" like 2 million times in 4 million different ways and watch her cry and sob and feel like you're a cold hearted bastard... but once it's done, it's done, and you feel light as a feather

just stay calm, be clear, and don't yell or do anything dickish like that....