Breaking out the mundanity of every day life (long)

[remski]

OP, I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I would take what 'advice' people are giving with a grain of salt...

Furthermore, you mentioned that you feel you have no one that you can confide in 'IRL'. Have you considered counseling to help make sense of what you are going through atm, and what previous events have led you to your current situation? Therapy/counseling can seem like a daunting prospect, but it may just be the thing that helps guide you back onto a satisfying path in life.

This isn't intended to be taken as advice, rather a suggestion of possible avenues you may not have considered.

Best wishes.