Um, well, I just want to be friends.

Dan R · #1 12-10-2006, 05:10 PM

I was reading X-factor's post, and this popped into my mind. If a guy is interested in a relationship(beyond friends) with a girl, and the girl responds with the subject line, sometimes the guy will hold onto the friendship with the hope it will eventually develop into a relationship. How often do you think that the almost-relationship, turned into a friendship, ends up turning into an actual realtionship?

Suppose, that this does happen, the guy winds up in a relationship with the girl. The girl initially had reservations about entering a relationship with the guy. If the guy does nothing to fix the issues that cause the reservations in her mind(I am not saying he should by any means), have the reservations ended in her mind, or has she just settled and still has reservations (but lives with them).

If it is the later, is the girl more likely to cheat on the guy, than if she had no reservations in the first place.

mulebennett · #2 12-10-2006, 05:14 PM

i disagree. i was initially friend-zoned by my current girlfriend (of 13 months or so). i had called it quits on hopes for a relationship, but she eventually became friends with benefits with me (her choice) and that progressed into her telling me she wanted a relationship (again, her choice). so i think at least some of the time it can work out. i'm sure i'm in the minority here, but i'm definitely in power in the relationship, because she depends on me a lot more than i depend on her. just my .02

siccjay · #3 12-10-2006, 05:42 PM

You were friend-zoned for a reason. The only way you can get out of that is to stop sweating the girl. If you no longer give a [censored] then you have a chance, still probably slim, but better.

It doesnt happen often.

Dementia · #4 12-10-2006, 05:45 PM

It is all relative. What is her emotional state, and are you a good judge of reading females intentions? A girl I was interested in years ago had given me the same line, in part though because she had just gotten out of a relationship. We hooked up the next weekend and were together almost 2 years.

fluffpop62 · #5 12-10-2006, 05:50 PM

This happened to one of my girl friends, and this guy was soo into her for a couple years, and she just wanted to be friends the whole time...he did ridiculous amounts of stuff for her (really nice, elaborate stuff that would have made me uncomfortable had I been in that situation, like taking her and her friends to Vegas, doing her homework for her, etc) and eventually they ended up hooking up. It slowly progressed into a relationship, but the relationship recently dissolved because she still wasn't that into him.

Cliff's Notes: Basically she took advantage of his devoted friendship, dated him when it was convenient for her, and the ended it without any guilt...they're still "friends".

Hopey · #6 12-10-2006, 05:52 PM

[ QUOTE ]
How often do you think that the almost-relationship, turned into a friendship, ends up turning into an actual realtionship?

[/ QUOTE ]

It happens so seldom that it's not worth "hoping" for.

Blarg · #7 12-10-2006, 06:04 PM

Letting things take their natural shape is better for everyone. Once you find a girl who really likes you naturally, you'll wonder why you put so much energy before where it wasn't appreciated either at all or anywhere near what you think it was fairly worth. A girl who really likes you will show you exactly how awesome your caring for her and treating her well really is.

Don't try to make things what they're not. Save your emotional energy, time, and money for where they'll be worth expending. It takes a toll on us and our reserves of emotional health and energy are not unlimited, though they may seem to be for a long time. But you pay for loving who doesn't love you back. Sometimes any love, even sorta love or fake love, seems better than none. And maybe it is for a while. But you're losing something, too. Self-respect, hope, all kinds of energy -- and time. Lots and lots of time that you could be available and maybe actively looking for a better match, or just living life well without clouding up your spirit and selling it on the cheap.

keith123 · #8 12-10-2006, 07:24 PM

yeah, it isn't worth trying. they will probably only go for you after they think they have exhausted all their good opportunities. no girl is worth that. plus a good opp for her might arise later on.

fullhousedraw · #9 12-10-2006, 07:52 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I was reading X-factor's post, and this popped into my mind. If a guy is interested in a relationship(beyond friends) with a girl, and the girl responds with the subject line, sometimes the guy will hold onto the friendship with the hope it will eventually develop into a relationship. How often do you think that the almost-relationship, turned into a friendship, ends up turning into an actual realtionship?

Suppose, that this does happen, the guy winds up in a relationship with the girl. The girl initially had reservations about entering a relationship with the guy. If the guy does nothing to fix the issues that cause the reservations in her mind(I am not saying he should by any means), have the reservations ended in her mind, or has she just settled and still has reservations (but lives with them).

If it is the later, is the girl more likely to cheat on the guy, than if she had no reservations in the first place.

[/ QUOTE ]

I have liked a very good female friend of mine for over a year. When we first started hanging out she would always say we were best friends or whatever, which I didn't wanna hear. I could tell she knew I sorta liked her, but i went along with just being friends. Whenever she called I would go out of my way to hang out with her, it was pretty pathetic. I was basically another one of her girl friends. Eventually I started not really paying attention to her, or acting like a dick to her whenever she would talk to me. If she called me I would say I was busy and had to go even if I was just sitting on my ass at home. Basically treating her like [censored]. And now she is acting much differently. We haven't hooked up yet but a few days ago she basically told me she was interested in a relationship. "Treat women like dirt and they'll stick like mud." I remember reading that in OOT a while ago and it seems pretty true...I'm only 18 and her 17 so take this fwiw. But yes it is possible to get out of the friend zone.

catchfire · #10 12-10-2006, 08:03 PM

Ladder Theory

I found this to be true over and over again.