Pregnant GF

[DavidC]

Finally, thank god for threaded mode.

Never thought I'd say it, but it's pretty sweet in this thread.

[tuq]

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Finally, thank god for threaded mode.

Never thought I'd say it, but it's pretty sweet in this thread.

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It would have helped me avoid your post, so maybe there is some merit to it.

[Kimbell175113]

Wow, this thread is depressing. I agree with Blarg and gumpzilla 100%, though I understand that nobody cares.

[QuickLearner]

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I think the difference might be in how I view the original post.
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I can only reach the conclusion that the first response was not to the original post in particular, but the sentiment of many who posted in the thread to that point that the OP needed to run from the problem.

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I certainly see how you could interpret the post, and agree that it was strong. I hadn't thought about whether it was intended as a response to the "run away" sentiment and that may be exactly correct...but it didn't bother me as much as it did you in any case.

There's no doubt that I sound like a dinosaur on this issue and here's why. I sense very little concern on the part of the OP for his girlfriend or the child they conceived and a whole lot of worry about how his circumstances are being threatened. That strikes me as understandable, but totally unaceptable. He posted asking for advice in a forum dominated by young males who rightfully fear facing his situation. I'm guessing he really wanted a unanimous recommendation in favor of an abortion. You ask your buddies and you expect them to take your side.

There are a number of posters in this thread who are taking it seriously and responding with heart on both sides of the fundamental questiion (you, for example...) but there are others who betray that they have no concept. I'm thinking of the ones who say things like, "leave town today;" "threaten her and hope she comes to her senses;" and "you're not responsible." Those guys are the ones who are petrified over having to perhaps face the same test. I remember being there myself. But back in the "old days," only the weasels ducked their responsibilities.

[QuickLearner]

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I think until you stop asking what your prospects are and instead ask what the child's will be, and are willing to make them your first priority and order your life accordingly, you have no business parenting. Kids are not toys, rewards, social validation, or ways to hold failing relationships together. People with childish mentalities should not be having children themselves.

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Agree 100%, but it's too late for that kind of planning in this case; I'm sure the OP agrees with you. How do you handle the current situation?

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Admitting one's shortcomings in this regard should not be grounds for scorn. It's actually a sign that the things that should be considered and very often aren't considered are actually coming into play. That kind of honest self-assessment is always valuable, rarer than it should be, and especially appropriate given the lifelong gravity of the decisions to be made when it comes to childbirth.

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I don't think the OP was admitting his shortcomings as much as he was complaining about how his life was going to be ruined by his girlfriend's decision to bear their baby as if it was all her doing. I think there's room for a little scorn in there if some want to take advantage of the opportunity. Maybe only as much scorn as the OP showed toward his girlfriend. I agree with the rest of your comment.

[Blarg]

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I think until you stop asking what your prospects are and instead ask what the child's will be, and are willing to make them your first priority and order your life accordingly, you have no business parenting. Kids are not toys, rewards, social validation, or ways to hold failing relationships together. People with childish mentalities should not be having children themselves.

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Agree 100%, but it's too late for that kind of planning in this case; I'm sure the OP agrees with you. How do you handle the current situation?

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Admitting one's shortcomings in this regard should not be grounds for scorn. It's actually a sign that the things that should be considered and very often aren't considered are actually coming into play. That kind of honest self-assessment is always valuable, rarer than it should be, and especially appropriate given the lifelong gravity of the decisions to be made when it comes to childbirth.

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I don't think the OP was admitting his shortcomings as much as he was complaining about how his life was going to be ruined by his girlfriend's decision to bear their baby as if it was all her doing. I think there's room for a little scorn in there if some want to take advantage of the opportunity. Maybe only as much scorn as the OP showed toward his girlfriend. I agree with the rest of your comment.

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No time to respond in detail right now as I am watching a zombie movie, but you are selectively characterizing the OP unfairly. The OP's admitting of his own likely shortcomings is what it is, regardless of other things he may say or feel or do, or how you might feel about any of it. You can't selectively read like that and then hold someone else accountable for your reading. Naughty naughty!

[dcb777]

Have the kid, support her financially and see what happens.

[Lottery Larry]

"I really dont know what to do. I'm obviously not ready to be a father. I was planning selling my house and moving within a year. I was planning on proposing to her this coming Christmas.(we both wanted to have a 2+ yr engagement period before getting married)"

So, you love this young woman, you were willing to constantly have sex with her, but you decided you don't have the balls to man up when you get her pregnant, just because it ruins your plans to be free?

I understand the feelings behind the post, but it's tough for me to say anything other than be responsible for what you chose to do and what she decides to do.

And why is everyone so dead set against a minivan? You can do a ton of things with them that you can't with a pickup, yet you can do some bulk item hauling when need be.

Maybe I'm just a geek....

[Lottery Larry]

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2 weeks ago my answer would have been about 90% yes.
Today I cant even estimate. I can already feel a lot of resentment boiling up due to the rest of my life being decided by her.

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I can understand this feeling. Can YOU understand how selfish it is?

Also, any thoughts how pissed off she may be at YOU for ruining her life?

I'm in the "fetus does not equal child" camp (somewhat- too long to go into here), but I CAN be, since I don't get stuck with the consequences or the tough decision about killing off a potential life.

[Lottery Larry]

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Also, to the people going on about "Well if you cant handle the consequences then dont have sex" STFU. its not ever going to happen.

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Are we allowed to tell people who post in the "[censored] it, not your problem" mode to STFU? Or do you get to decide what gets discussed?