The End of the Affair

[keikiwai]

After ending a 7 year relationship, I thought I'd like to make a thread about ending relationships w/ a break up, divorce, death, or whatever... you know, a nice cheerful topic.

So, post your thoughts on break ups, maybe how you deal with them, or whatever you think is pertinent.

Basically, there's tons of info on how to start a relationship. The media is flooded w/ the crap, and it's pretty easy to do anyway.

There's less info on how to keep a relationship going, but you can still find quite a bit on it.

I see the least amount of info about the end of relationships, so I thought this could be interesting, and, at any rate, it is something that's not much discussed.



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So, I tend to get into pretty intense relationships that last a while. This makes ending them hard, and not something I really want to do. I really have no way of dealing with it, which is why I was wondering if others did. I just sort of do nothing for a week or two and feel really bad, then I go about my business, and occasionally feel bitter.

For me, all my relationships have basically come to an end due to a lack of communication. I remember way back in high school I was talking to this girl I really liked, and we were talking about what the most important thing in life is... she said "communication." I said something asinine like "being happy." Anyway, damn, she was so right. W/ my last gf we were very good together in many ways, but we just could not understand what the [censored] the other one was talking about. It could be about something trivial like asking for help doing some daily task, or it could be about our emotions. We'd say things several different ways, and in the end one of us was always left scratching their head... well usually more like throwing their hands up in despair. Of course it's not that simple. 7 years never is, but if I were to pin it on one thing, that would be it.



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The title of this thread is from one of my favorite Graham Greene books. Honestly it's been a while since I read it, but I do remember it's a nice depressing book... a good read after a break up. Another good read about relationships and their demise, that I just got done reading is, "Tender is the Night," by F. Scott Fitzgerald. The book plays on the the typical fear of getting old and decrepit and getting left by the way side by your mate because of it.... also it plays on the typical desire of wanting more conquests.



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Anyway, not sure exactly where I think this thread will go, but judging from some of the posts I see on here, I'm sure some of you have thoughts on breaking up and associated crap.

[benlj21]

hmm, keikiwai makes a serious post?

But seriously, I just got out of a 3-year-long relationship, mostly for lack of communication. I guess when it ended I mostly listened to a lot of music, hung out with friends, partied, went to school, etc. I think that when you break up, it's a good time to do all the things you couldn't when you were putting so much time into the relationship. FWIW though, it wasn't really my decision to end it...I mean, it was a good thing, but I could never pull the trigger. So I guess I didn't have to worry about breaking it to her. After it happened, we were cool for awhile until I found out she had been dating another guy for a couple of weeks and didn't tell me so I got mad and basically stopped talking to her (she found out that I knew).

[PokerBob]

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we were talking about what the most important thing in life is... she said "communication."

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this is very true, but very few seem to know exactly what it means. i know i didn't.

[ArturiusX]

I just told an ex this morning that we have to stop speaking, because, well frankly, its tearing us both apart. I'm in the minority though, I actually feel relieved that I don't have to deal with it anymore. Its still hard blocking her on chat, deleting her number from my phone, and blocking her on facebook, especially when she deserves better.

I guess I'm too calculated.

[luckybacon]

[ QUOTE ]
hmm, keikiwai makes a serious post?

But seriously, I just got out of a 3-year-long relationship, mostly for lack of communication. I guess when it ended I mostly listened to a lot of music, hung out with friends, partied, went to school, etc. I think that when you break up, it's a good time to do all the things you couldn't when you were putting so much time into the relationship. FWIW though, it wasn't really my decision to end it...I mean, it was a good thing, but I could never pull the trigger. So I guess I didn't have to worry about breaking it to her. After it happened, we were cool for awhile until I found out she had been dating another guy for a couple of weeks and didn't tell me so I got mad and basically stopped talking to her (she found out that I knew).

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same thing happened to me but i knew she was cheating on me for like a month before. i didnt love her so i did the only rational thing i could... continue having sex and then wait till she broke up with me b/c she wanted to date the other dude. Kinda of [censored] on both of our parts but till this day she never knew that i knew she was cheating on me. I guess thats why i can still pretend to be cordial-friends with her

[keikiwai]

[ QUOTE ]
I just told an ex this morning that we have to stop speaking, because, well frankly, its tearing us both apart. I'm in the minority though, I actually feel relieved that I don't have to deal with it anymore. Its still hard blocking her on chat, deleting her number from my phone, and blocking her on facebook, especially when she deserves better.

I guess I'm too calculated.

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yeah, my x and i are not seeing each other or talking on the phone at all atm

our financial affairs are pretty intertwined in certain ways, so when we communicate about that, we do it by e-mail

she was the one who wanted space before we could be friends or acquaintances... at first it really bugged me, but yeah, truthfully it just upset me when i saw her or talked with her on the phone, so it's better this way

then if we drift together again, we'll probably be able to just be friends or whatever

i still sometimes go target shooting with her dad, which is kind of funny, but her and i talked about it, and it ended up not really being awkward

[ackid]

ED: Sorry, dude. Only RoundersQuote gets to make posts like that. SH quoted this post later, so I'll leave that because I do still find this sorta funny.

[adsman]

[ QUOTE ]
I just told an ex this morning that we have to stop speaking, because, well frankly, its tearing us both apart. I'm in the minority though, I actually feel relieved that I don't have to deal with it anymore. Its still hard blocking her on chat, deleting her number from my phone, and blocking her on facebook, especially when she deserves better.

I guess I'm too calculated.

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This is me. When a relationship ends for me I just close off all contact until I'm ready to see them again. That might be months depending on how I feel. It's the only way I can handle it.

[mmbt0ne]

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at first it really bugged me, but yeah, truthfully it just upset me when i saw her or talked with her on the phone, so it's better this way

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Yeah, I think my recent affairs have gotten enough talk on these forums, but this really does suck a ton. Absolutely ruined my birthday and the next weekend getting a call from her.

[pokulator]

my grandma always says "the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else."