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#22
04-15-2007, 05:05 PM
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Re: most ridiculous thing you wiped your ass with when toilet paper bu
I was golfing the morning after a hard night of drinking. I forced a fart, that made some mess in my pants. I had to wipe with some of the green leaves that cover corn on the cobb, obviously it was a cornfield near the teebox.
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#23
04-15-2007, 05:08 PM
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Re: most ridiculous thing you wiped your ass with when toilet paper bu
[ QUOTE ]
I was golfing the morning after a hard night of drinking. I forced a fart, that made some mess in my pants. I had to wipe with some of the green leaves that cover corn on the cobb, obviously it was a cornfield near the teebox. [/ QUOTE ] Yeah that's just [censored] nasty
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#26
04-15-2007, 05:32 PM
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Re: most ridiculous thing you wiped your ass with when toilet paper bu
a few pages of the "inmates handbook", whilst sporting a massive hangover, in full view of 25 other dudes, obv in county holding
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#30
04-15-2007, 06:28 PM
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Re: most ridiculous thing you wiped your ass with when toilet paper bu
[ QUOTE ]
leaves [/ QUOTE ] Trip Report from a long time ago: Background-My father runs his own tree cutting business. He does everything: Lawn Work, Tree Work (Trimmings, Toppings, Takedowns everything) Stump Removal (by request and when he's bored). Anyway, one day I was working w/ him and a few other guys who he needs for help on his jobs when I had to take the biggest dump eva! This particular family had a very "open" backyard. It was viewable in all directions I could count 4 houses in sight when standing in the middle of it. There was a house directly behind it w/ an eye-shot of the backyard from their kitchen window. They had this shed in the backyard that was my only "shade" from every1 on the job. So, my dad is way up in the tree doin his thang when I yell to em "I gotta use the bathroom SOOOOO bad". I literally had a hot-s**t in the chamber. He tells me to look behind the seat in his truck for the TP that he keeps there for just this type of thing. BRAG-My dad is resouceful [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] I run over to the truck which was about 50-100 feet from the tree b/c there were no gates or fences around this backyard. I check behind the seat, lookin thru folders, contracts, extra work clothes and boots. NOTHING, not even a napkin, which was odd since we ate Wendy's b4 we came to the job. I run back to the tree and yell up to him, "There isn't any TP in there." He says, "You sure?" I said, "Positive" He then tells me, "Well, then you're short then..." BEATTTTTTTOMGWTF!!! I'm standing there w/ my stomach in knots w/ the bubble guts goin on and every1 is just laughing @ my plight. Then when I cannot hold it any longer I run over to the safety of the shed and undo my jeans and pop a squat and just unload all over the ground. It was such a relief b/c 4sho I woulda s**t my pants if I didn't go right then. Now, I have another dilemma...my booty is all s**ty. What to do, what to do? I'm looking around for anything behind this shed to wipe my ass with. The smell of the poop just waffing up and swirling around by now. (BTW my dad was up in the tree the entire time this all happend but he could not see me from all the branches and leaves up there and also the house behind this 1 could see everything I did if they just looked out the window.) Ok, then I see this plant around where I took this MEAN dump w/ the biggest friggin leaves I have ever seen.  (like double the size of these)The leaves on this thing were the size of both of my palms put together and there were @ least 7 of them, IIRC. DING DING DING!!! Winnar! I had 7 really good wipes and what do you think I did with those "used" leaves? I left them s**ts right there beside the shed. Standard. As the wiping was going on. My dad had another huge branch tied off and ready to be cut down and lowered to the ground for removal. He then called every1 over to hold the rope(s) as he prepared to cut. He fired up his chainsaw and tore into that poor tree, and just as he was all the way thru the branch he noticed that I wasn't on the rope w/ the other guys. Then the branch broke off... ...the other guys scrambled to keep it under control. But not before they hit the power lines running thru this backyard. The lines were strong though, they did not break. The ppl were not home during this job so that's why I didn't get to go inside to use their toilet or find out if there was any interurruption w/ their power/phone or w/e. As the other guys were doing their best to wrangle in the large limb, my dad said, "GODDAMMIT J.C.!!!, WTF?!? WHERE WAS U @? I TOLD EVERY1 TO GET ON THIS ROPE!!!" My step-brother (who was on all these jobs when I was) was just bawling w/ laughter. I yelled up to my dad, "I told you I had togo to the bathroom BADDDD" He said, "I don't give a f**k what is wrong w/ you, when I say get on the rope(s) DROP EVERYTHING, and get on the rope(s)." I was so uhhh... [img]/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/blush.gif[/img] all @ once. While my step-brother just kept laughing @ me for being scolded out in front of everybody. He still rags on me about this by conjuring up how my dad said, "GODDAMMIT J.C.!!!" LOL. Even after gettin' yelled @, I have to give thanks to that plant for bailing me out when I was in a bad way. Big-ups plant [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img].
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