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#1
11-14-2007, 06:01 PM
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Let\'s Talk About Family
It's been a long time since I started a post so I thought I would give it a shot. This is inspired by KT's Post on turning 35 and the ensuing discussion about family. Seemed like that OP was going off on a tangent so I though it would be interesting to create a separate post on Family.
I find it really interesting how different families interact with each other. Some get along really well and than it seem to run the gambit to other families that do nothing but fight like cats and dogs. I guess that you could say I fall somewhere in the middle of all that. My mom and dad passed away and my sister lives pretty far away and we rarely talk. It's not that we don't get along we just don't talk or get together much. The only person I really really miss in my family is my Dad. My mom was a lunatic PITA and my Cousins, Aunts and Uncles always lived a pretty good distance from me so I never really saw them too much to really miss not seeing much of them now. Here is the interesting thing. I guess I really deep down inside believe that family is important. When my kids fight with each other I have had more than one occasion where I have stopped it and gave them the family lecture. I tell them that other people can come and go, Friends, spouses, people you work with, whatever. But, family/blood is forever. When/If everyone else is gone you will still be related to your family and it is a precious thing that you should protect. I don't know maybe I am just over dramatic but I think something in me wants to see my kids get along better and end up closer than what my family ended up. I mean I am OK with how things ended up but still miss the closeness I see in some families. So, how close are you to your family? How many people do you actually consider to be "Family"? Does it include cousins, third cousins ect... This is interesting to me because around here there are so many people who are related to each other it is silly. People have distant blood that they call Auntie and Cousin. What is normal or is there even such a thing. How about some family stories. Maybe good heartwarming ones and also the ugly(funerals are usually good for this. NOt because people are jst sad at missing their loved one but it seems like if there is bad blood in a family this is the time when all the crap really hits the fan) 
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#2
11-14-2007, 06:45 PM
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Re: Let\'s Talk About Family
Fish, I intend to contribute something. I just have to edit it down to less than 5000 words [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]. I've witnessed a lot of interesting family dynamics in both my own family as well as others. To sum it up...they can be frustrating. In fact I wrote 'frustrating' but what I really meant was disappointing.
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#3
11-14-2007, 07:00 PM
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Re: Let\'s Talk About Family
[ QUOTE ]
Fish, I intend to contribute something. I just have to edit it down to less than 5000 words [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]. I've witnessed a lot of interesting family dynamics in both my own family as well as others. To sum it up...they can be frustrating. In fact I wrote 'frustrating' but what I really meant was disappointing. [/ QUOTE ] Disappointing. I understand! Not so much with immediate family but with with my extended family(Aunt/Uncles and all that). I really respected a few of my extended family when I was growing up and as I grew older and discovered things like how they felt about me, it really disappointed me. I was always kind of the black sheep and my family was the one who was at the bottom of the list when it came to income and all of that. Most of my relatives are pretty well to do and my family was really just lower to middle class. I think I ended up doing really well for myself even though I had to do more for myself than any of my other relatives ever had to do. It used to really bother me but now I have figured out who is who and what is what and don't worry about it and really do not have anything to do with those that do not think much of me. Their loss if you ask me. [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
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#4
11-14-2007, 07:38 PM
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Re: Let\'s Talk About Family
"How many people do you actually consider to be "Family"? "
myself, sister, brother in law, mother, father, 3/4 best friends, uncle, first cousin...thats it... all other family is dead or lives very far away and i rarely see them... i consider my closest friends to be family and my "family" is quite small...im probably closer to my friends than my family, at least when it comes to opening up to them about feelings/experiences whatever, but i have a hard time talking about things with anyone...
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#5
11-14-2007, 07:42 PM
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Re: Let\'s Talk About Family
I've always had relatives who live very far away -- most all of them really -- and so to me, they're really family in name only. I have no real contact with them nor interest in their lives, and vice-versa. I just wondered who I would pull up onto a liferaft first, this distant family or someone I knew and liked, and I didn't come up with an answer quickly. I'm not sure I'd believe any answer I gave to be reflective of what I'd really do.
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#6
11-14-2007, 08:38 PM
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Re: Let\'s Talk About Family
Geez, don't get me started on family.
One story: I'm 12 or so. It's winter time, and I'm taking a tennis lesson indoors with a bunch of other kids. There's a balcony that overlooks the courts. I notice an old guy (65 or so) watching us. Not a problem, as there are usually a bunch of parents and others watching. So the lesson ends, and as I'm going to meet up with my mother, I walk past the old guy, and he says "Hi". I sort of say "Hi" back, but keep walking. I walk the 20 feet to where my mother is waiting, and I tell her that old guy said "Hi" to me. "Oh" she says, "that's your Uncle Carl" I'm like "Huh?" "Yeah he's my older brother." Turns out I had 3 older uncles and a whole half of my mothers family that I had no idea existed. They all lived in the same city (Cincinnati) as me, and were of some prominence. The two halves just never spoke.
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#7
11-15-2007, 11:03 AM
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Re: Let\'s Talk About Family
When I was a kid we spent almost every Christmas at my maternal grandparents' farm in western Illinois. Our family and my mom's two sisters' families. It was [censored] great. From those days I consider my first cousins on that side close family.
Now that we're all grown and such the only times we've gotten together are at funerals (the dads are all dead now and of course the grandparents; my cousin and his wife live in their house and farm the family land which is now in a trust). We do the funeral and cry, then all get together and laugh and have a really great time. Then we feel kind of sad that we only get together anymore for funerals. On my Dad's side, my cousins are virtual unknowns. I knew some of them as a kid; now they're just information on the internet. I have two half sisters through him whom I don't know well, though I have made some contact with the one who lives here in California since I've lived out here. She keeps her distance; I think she has some anger left over toward Dad's 'second family' and I understand. I don't press her. I've done some research and have found quite a bit of information on my Dad's side. Other, unknown to me, members of Mom's side have researched the family tree back to the 1500's. It's amazing to ponder how many relatives one has that one knows nothing about. My wife's side is a little more what I suppose is the typical family. They fight, they're petty, they hold grudges, a few of them are just miserable people. Oddly, they have a lot of money as well. Live in west L.A. and such. I find it interesting in a clinical way that a person can live in a penthouse on the beach in Santa Monica and still be [censored] wretched. On a more personal level, while I get along with them OK, I don't particularly look forward to being around them. When we're down there I pretty much stay half drunk around the clock; and I'm not much of a drinker except for those times. My mom and my sister don't care for my wife and she returns the feeling. My wife and my mom don't speak to each other unless they absolutely have to. On the flip side, I get along with her mom as best I can but I find her the most despicable [censored] I've ever met. She's coming to town over the weekend and back to L.A. for Thanksgiving. I'm getting a head start on dreading it. She is civil to my face but word gets back to me about the huge step down she considers her daughter made marrying me. Oh well. So, I guess for me it's a wash. My family (Mom's side): pretty tight, we like each other's company very much. Wife's family: puts the 'fun' in 'dysfunctional'. Oh yeah. My wife's parents are long divorced. I never thought about it before I got married, but when you marry someone with divorced and remarried parents, you get two sets of in-laws [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]
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#9
11-15-2007, 04:08 PM
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Re: Let\'s Talk About Family
chip,
"My mom and my sister don't care for my wife and she returns the feeling. My wife and my mom don't speak to each other unless they absolutely have to. " would you mind going into this a bit? did this begin while you were dating and was something you were aware of pre-marriage? or did it begin after the wedding because of some event? had a situation with a long term ex that i found out pretty much nobody liked, but i didnt find out till after we had broken up...
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#10
11-15-2007, 05:57 PM
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Re: Let\'s Talk About Family
[ QUOTE ]
chip, "My mom and my sister don't care for my wife and she returns the feeling. My wife and my mom don't speak to each other unless they absolutely have to. " would you mind going into this a bit? did this begin while you were dating and was something you were aware of pre-marriage? or did it begin after the wedding because of some event? had a situation with a long term ex that i found out pretty much nobody liked, but i didnt find out till after we had broken up... [/ QUOTE ] My Wife and Mom didn't get along at all. It damn near broke us up as a matter of fact. Of course no one really got along well with my Mom since she was such a meddlesome nut case. Do you think you would have listened if anyone in your family had told you how much they didn't like your Ex before you broke up? I ask because I didn't find out until after my first wife and I divorced how many people truly sis not like her. I remember thinking, "well, why the hell didn't you say something BEFORE I married the bitch" but then I wonder if I would have paid attention anyway. [img]/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img]
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Hybrid Mode
