Love-life - Girl probably on the rebound - What to do?

[ScandieManiac]

Hello BBV4Life

Long-time lurker, no posts, with new account (in case I want to post from my old account later, and this topic gets embarrassing....which it shouldn't, but who knows) here, with a question for you BBV4Life love-life experts.

Now, I've asked all my closest friends for advice here, but they're all pretty much stumped....so I'm turning to the interweb forums. Desperate, eh?

I met this girl at a party, 2 weeks ago. She was the aggressive one, and since I knew pretty much every one of the 100-ish people at the party, I was always on my way somewhere with someone when she tried to get my attention. But finally, we got to talking, and I spent the last 1,5-2 hours of the party just chatting with her. And since I suck at "closing the deal" when I'm drunk (yeah...it's weird...I'm much better at this when I'm sober. Probably has to do with me not wanting to take advantage....I'm too nice arent' I...), we ended up just exchanging phone numbers.

So I call her up a couple (3 maybe..?) days later, and receive a pretty enthusiastic "Yes" to the question "Wanna meet up for coffee or a few beers?". We meet at a very cozy bar, and the date goes very smoothly, and we chat for a good 5-6 hours. My plan was to go somewhere else if she seemed bored or whatever, but we just got along so good, she never seemed bored at all, and I certainly wasn't anywhere close to bored. The one thing that she told me that is most important to my story, is that she had just moved out from her previous boyfriend, a month before she moved to my town. She moved here a couple of weeks before our date....

Since the first date, we have not been able to meet up, just one-on-one. I am very busy with my job, studies, and other stuff, and she is too (I know this for a fact...not just something she's saying...). But I have met her several times in other social activities, with just a few other friends present. The first time this happened, was when we were at different parties one night, and I had invited her to join us later. She came over because, as she told me, her party was boring. I later found out from others that her party was amazing.... She was pretty drunk when she came to my party, but nothing out of the ordinary. I'm not the kind of guy who takes advantage anyway... We partied together for a couple of hours, and throughout those hours I got quite a few "good responses" to my actions... I ended up walking her home, and I got a couple minutes worth of kissing outside her door (like I said...I'm not the kind of guy to take advantage...and I don't think she's the kind of girl who likes to get dirty when she's that drunk either).

A few days later, I meet her, at her request, at a party specific to her line of studies. I don't really have access to the party, but since I am the leader of the "Student house" at our university (don't know if "Student house" translates well to American/other student traditions, but anyway), where the party is being held, I get in. We party, we kiss, and I invite her to a private party the day after.

Then I receive this SMS the day after (translated from Norwegian) : Hi, I'm not gonna join you tonight. We didn't stop partying until 7am this morning, and I'm gonna be so hungover all day. And I need to tell you : I'm sorry if I have "fooled" you in any way, but at this moment, I don't think I can be any more than friends..."

After reading this, I'm thinking "What the...?", but at the same time, I understand it, since she has just broken up with her previous boyfriend, a relationship which went as far as living together. And being just friends with her isn't something I'd hate either. I'm not deeply in love....yet...., and she seems awesome as just a friend too....but she's the kind of girl I'd easily fall in love with.

Since that SMS, we have met a few times, doing social stuff with other friends there too. She is treating me just like anyone else when we're all there, but when we're by our selves, she suddenly turns flirty again.

One of my friends suggested that she's trying to "keep me warm" and interested, until she's ready for a relationship. It's a feasible thought, but I wan't more opinions.

I'm very interested in a relationship with this girl (but as I said....trying hard to not fall deeply in love with her yet). She is very beautiful (actually a few steps higher on the shelf than the girls I usually get in touch with), and fits my personality very well. She obviously seems to like me too, but should I wait? Should I put some more pressure on her? What?

Cliff notes : Met girl at party. Dated, she seems very interested, but reserved because of recent relationship. Put pressure on, or wait till she's ready?

[Limesparks]

yeah im gonna read that

[schundler]

[ QUOTE ]
yeah im gonna read that afaik

[/ QUOTE ]

[schundler]

alright I read the cliffnotes. i dunno, try to have sex with her or something

[chadmack]

hi goofyballer

[mlagoo]

sounds like you shoulda closed A LOT earlier. at this point youre probably just going to be really awkward around her because you want to hook up and she wants to be friends, so the next time she says something like "i just want to be friends," respond with something like "well i want to be more than friends, so give me a call when youre ready." you cant let yourself get thrown into that friend zone real early, or it will take like months of friendship then a lot of alcohol to dig yourself out.

also dont be such a pussy, girls like to have sex too, they just feel slutty being the aggressor. if i girl is showing interest, close. its not being an [censored] to have sex with a girl just because shes drunk. girls like to drink and hook up too. hooking up is fun.

[goofyballer]

Write her a letter, for sure.

[ADLinden]

[ QUOTE ]
alright I read the cliffnotes. i dunno, try to have sex with her or something

[/ QUOTE ]

thats usually the best anwser to anything

[ScandieManiac]

[ QUOTE ]
alright I read the cliffnotes. i dunno, try to have sex with her or something

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, we're both past that age where a drunk one-night-stand isn't that interesting anymore. We actually had a pretty thorough discussion about this on our first date....we've both had more than our fair share of experiences there... She's 26 and I'm 28 if that matters. I wan't more than just sex, and I'm pretty sure she does too.

[ QUOTE ]
i actually read it. This girl doesn't want you imo. Start ignoring her calls/texts, and if she does want you she'll turn desperate fast. If not, meh, move on.

[/ QUOTE ]

She's giving me plenty of signals that she "wants me".... And I don't think she'll turn desperate....

[ QUOTE ]
sounds like you shoulda closed A LOT earlier. at this point youre probably just going to be really awkward around her because you want to hook up and she wants to be friends, so the next time she says something like "i just want to be friends," respond with something like "well i want to be more than friends, so give me a call when youre ready." you cant let yourself get thrown into that friend zone real early, or it will take like months of friendship then a lot of alcohol to dig yourself out.

also dont be such a pussy, girls like to have sex too, they just feel slutty being the aggressor. if i girl is showing interest, close. its not being an [censored] to have sex with a girl just because shes drunk. girls like to drink and hook up too. hooking up is fun.

[/ QUOTE ]

Good response. I agree on the "shoulda closed A LOT earlier", and "don't be such a pussy" parts... To explain : I AM a pussy when I meet girls when I'm drunk...it's weird...Most guys get more bold in this area when they're drunk. I'm too nice and think "ok, I don't want to take advantage of her"....Probably sounds like I'M not getting drunk enough? [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] Well, I drink nothing but beer when I'm out, and I have to drink extreme amounts of beer to get really drunk... I've gotten far more "closings" when I'm sober, and the girl is sober too. For instance; I've taken more girls home from the supermarket, than I have from the bars...and that's far more satisfying too.

And it's not going to be awkward being around her. I'm not in love (yet..), and will easily get over this if she definitely doesn't want it to get any further, so I won't have any problems being close friends with her. In fact, that would be great too! But yeah, if I take your "give me a call when you're ready" route, it could get uncomfortable being just friends....and it's a route I'm tempted to take.


And to those saying that I should post under my real account :

My "real account" has got 0 posts. It's just a lurker account. You wouldn't know me anyway.... But if you give me some helpful advice, and then ask me for my real 2+2-nick, then I might give it to you [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] Not that it would matter anyway, but yeah....

[ScandieManiac]

And the trend of "Flirting when we're alone, but just platonic when other people are present" : I've JUST exchanged a few SMS-messages with her, which ends with her telling me that "I think I like you in more ways than one...but one more than the other...and I'm not sure yet". This SMS was not in response to anything close to what I sent her... This girl is confusing me...