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  #11  
Old 10-08-2007, 10:46 PM
RoundGuy RoundGuy is offline
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Default Re: Emotional Affairs

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guys aren't friends with girls, they are just trying to get sex.

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I find it hard to believe you have never known an unattractive woman.

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C'mon, Blarg. With enough VO and Cokes, there are no unattractive women..... [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]
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  #12  
Old 10-08-2007, 11:26 PM
katyseagull katyseagull is offline
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Default Re: Emotional Affairs

Sorry for leaving my own thread! Had to watch Dancing With the Stars and The Bachelor. Priorities [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]


Roundguy,

This is what I was wondering about,

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Emotional attachments (affairs) aren't harmful in and of themselves. It's the fact that they open the door for a physical affair later. The relationship simply progresses over time.

Without an emotional affair, the physical affair rarely happens.

Can you have an emotional attachment to someone other than your mate? Sure. Do you have to be on guard and careful where it could lead? Absolutely.



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I wasn't clear on what exactly an emotional affair was. So you're defining it as an emotional attachment between both parties? To me, an affair is a physical affair. Anything else is great friendship, flirting or longing, but not an affair.

I think you can have attachments and great friendships without it going to the next level.

I read something awhile back that said having an emotional affair is just another kind of adultery. I was like come on, you gotta be kidding. Seems sort of ridiculous. Adultery is the physical act.
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  #13  
Old 10-08-2007, 11:42 PM
katyseagull katyseagull is offline
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Default Re: Emotional Affairs

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Lunch every day with a guy sounds a bit much, but if every other possibility, every day, really sucked, I dunno. I suppose I wouldn't care if she did that with a ladyfriend, so it would be on the lame side not to trust her to be an adult just because she has a friend who is a guy.


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I admit I would have a problem with my guy doing the lunch thing with a female friend and therefore I wouldn't do it with a male friend. Also, I think it would raise eyebrows at my office.

Now that I've been giving this some thought, I guess I can see what people are talking about. An emotional "affair" is the beginning stage of a real affair. It's going on secret dates and sharing intimacies and stuff. But I think there's another category of attachments. You can have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex and still draw boundaries. Like not go out on lunch dates or give each other backrubs [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]... maybe just share intellectual conversations and tell each other funny stories.




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It's one thing if you have a lot of internet "friends," but your real life comes first, and zeroing in on one person on the net, especially when you have one with you right there at home, seems to me unbalanced. Amusements are fine, but if you "need" to talk to someone and gain emotional sustenance from them, you should work on your primary relationship(s), not try to have your cake(your big fat cake of disappointment, that is!) and eat it too.

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[img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img] But you internet guys are so amusing.
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  #14  
Old 10-08-2007, 11:53 PM
RoundGuy RoundGuy is offline
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Default Re: Emotional Affairs

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Adultery is the physical act.

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Agreed. But don't you see how an emotional attachment can easily lead to that?
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  #15  
Old 10-09-2007, 12:03 AM
jzpiano jzpiano is offline
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Default Re: Emotional Affairs

[ QUOTE ]

You can have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex and still draw boundaries. Like not go out on lunch dates or give each other backrubs [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]... maybe just share intellectual conversations and tell each other funny stories.


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This one I'm not so sure I agree with you on. My fiance, soon to be wife in 4 days, doesn't like the fact that I do meet people for lunch of the opposite sex. But for me I view lunches and dinners out as a good chance to talk with people. I do that with any friend, shouldn't matter if they are female or male. Where else should I talk to my female friends? Should we go out for drinks to talk, probably not. Should we go back and get lunch at the house? Again probably not, so for now, for me at least, going out to eat is a good in between.

Edit: I should note that this is provided everybody is paying for themselves and I do let her know every time I'm out so I don't hide anything and it gets perceived the wrong way.
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  #16  
Old 10-09-2007, 12:14 AM
daveT daveT is offline
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Default Re: Emotional Affairs

I don't understand the whole emotional affair thing. It seems like an office politic thing to me. It complicates work, complicates relationships, and makes entering a relationship far more daunting.

Katy, I sort of remember a thread about this earlier, and I think it was yours. Do these problems inhibit your own relationship or desire to find a boyfriend?

I have known some girls who I wouldn't want to have sex with. I know one right now who would be ranked a "9," but I would not want to enter any kind of relationship with her. It is not because I value our friendship, but because she has many unattractive qualities that I don't want around me 24/7.

Theoretically, there should be a one and only, and that ought to be your center of happiness. I would think that losing that person would be ample reason to behave. If you are really worried about who your life partners friends are, then there are some problems in your own relationship, but I guess those insecurities come with it.

I had a conversation with one of my exes about this. We both agreed that different people are going to have different relationships to each other. I can joke and have fun with certain people, and other's I cannot joke in these ways, but they are my friends. In my g.f., I see several qualities that I love and adore, but perhaps with her, there are things that I cannot say. Although I can reasonably expect her to have "all of me," I realistically cannot. Humans need to have various outlets. I could joke with one girl I know about being a [censored], but the other one would be deeply offended.

Each one knows the sensitive/ dirty half exists, but I don't think they want to witness both sides constantly. I know that who ever I choose to date is because she shows me the face I want to see the most. I can't see why her talking to other guys should offend me, because I know that there are things that she wants to see, but not from me. While hearing a guy talk immature and dirty may be funny to one girl, hearing it from her perfect mate isn't so appealing.

btw, I am single and never entered a serious relationship, perhaps my opinions would change at that point.
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  #17  
Old 10-09-2007, 12:16 AM
katyseagull katyseagull is offline
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Default Re: Emotional Affairs

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Adultery is the physical act.

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Agreed. But don't you see how an emotional attachment can easily lead to that?

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Only if the people are looking for an affair. You have to have some self control RoundGuy!

I once got emotionally attached to this one guy. He was so much fun, he was from Germany. He'd come sit down at my desk and talk to me several times a day. I would correct his English. I don't know, we just seemed to mesh. He invited me over to his place so he could cook for me. Anyway I was attached to someone else so it didn't go beyond friendship and actually I didn't want it to. It was a very awesome friendship. Hm, now that I think about it maybe it was a wannabe affair that never materialized. Good god I don't know what the hell it was. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]
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  #18  
Old 10-09-2007, 12:22 AM
tarheeljks tarheeljks is offline
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Default Re: Emotional Affairs

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guys aren't friends with girls, they are just trying to get sex.

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i have female friends who i am not attracted to, but i kind of agree. i wouldn't go so far as to say guys are just interested in sex, but i think there is often some level of mutual attraction in most male-female relationships.
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  #19  
Old 10-09-2007, 12:30 AM
katyseagull katyseagull is offline
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Default Re: Emotional Affairs

[ QUOTE ]

Katy, I sort of remember a thread about this earlier, and I think it was yours. Do these problems inhibit your own relationship or desire to find a boyfriend?


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lol [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img] Are you suggesting that I'm always thinking about affairs? How dare you!
I should have run this thread topic by Mrs. Utah first. I usually do the old "Hey, I've got this idea for a thread. Have I posted this topic already?" and then she says "uh duh, like just last week spacehead", and I proceed to work on a different idea.


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Theoretically, there should be a one and only, and that ought to be your center of happiness. I would think that losing that person would be ample reason to behave.


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Given my personality type, i feel i'm behaving remarkably well mister! All kidding aside, I think some of us just really like to get to know a number of different people. We need it. And I agree with your comment that humans need to have various outlets.



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While hearing a guy talk immature and dirty may be funny to one girl, hearing it from her perfect mate isn't so appealing.



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[img]/images/graemlins/laugh.gif[/img]
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  #20  
Old 10-09-2007, 12:44 AM
tarheeljks tarheeljks is offline
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Default Re: Emotional Affairs

[ QUOTE ]
- your significant other goes out for a private lunch with the same guy (girl) from work every week, or
- your significant other talks on the internet with some strange guy (or girl)?

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lunch every day seems a bit much, so i would probably being lying if i said the first one wouldn't bother me at all. however, i don't think i would lose sleep over it worrying about whether she was cheating on me.

in the second scenario it depends on the context of the internet chatting. is it web forum/message board, something like aim/icq/msn?

in the end i think that even if someone feels like they need multiple outlets, they should be ready and willing to set them aside if it truly makes their significant other uncomfortable.
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