jokes you've made IRL that flopped - Page 42

prohornblower · #**411** 11-16-2007, 11:33 PM

Today I was supposed to meet some people to check out a tenant space and I go in and ask for each of the three people on my list and all the receptionists there act as if they don't know who any of those people are...so it's a mix-up. Got that out of the way. So I figure I'll dial the numbers I was left with to try to contact these people I was supposed to meet.

One of the ladies I was supposed to meet was named Nancy or whatever and this girl was like "Nancy Johnson?...she used to work here YEARS ago...but she's dead now."

to which I said: "Well...let me give her a call." (Then realizing I was obviously calling some other Nancy who was on my list)...so it sounded funny that she said Nancy was dead and immediately I was like "Let me give her a call." SO, to add to the weirdness of it all, as I'm dialing I go "...See if I can bring her back from the dead..."

I stood there stoically as the phone was ringing and realized none of them were laughing so I sort of smiled and let out a "heh" and like 2 of the 4 girls laughed.

That was pretty insensitive of me. I don't think any of hte girls actually knew or worked with that lady though. They just knew "of" her...I hope. [img]/images/graemlins/confused.gif[/img]

catmiami · #**412** 11-17-2007, 12:06 AM

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Told this one to my brothers fiance first time I met her. Who knew Lady Di was her hero?

The Queen Mum gets to the Pearly Gates where she is met by St. Peter and Princess Diana. St. Peter hands the Queen Mum the obligatory set of angel's wings and shows her to her room. St. Peter asks her if there is anything he can do for her. She replies "The wings are very nice, but why haven't I got a halo like Diana ?". St. Peter chuckles and replies "That's not a halo - it's a steering wheel"

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in all srsness, anyone offended by this needs to be smacked in the face

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My brother did. They are not together anymore. Go figure.

lucid75 · #**413** 11-17-2007, 02:58 AM

When I was playing PLO in Biloxi, I won a particularly large pot, and was racking my chips up to leave. During play at the table, I had already heard several snide comments about me being young, asian, and not from the South. One of the many middle aged southern guys (mostly from New Orleans/southern mississippi) said, "Just like that huh? Hit and run."

"Might as well call me Katrina, right?" I said.

I froze for a moment, while no one laughed, and in mid shuffle, the dealer's deck exploded. Then, while walking away I couldn't help myself, " Too soon? Well, George Bush hates white people.."

lucid75 · #**414** 11-17-2007, 03:22 AM

Other jokes that i've told that have bombed:

1. A couple of my buddies were giving me some [censored] about being Asian, "Which Korea are you from? North or South? I'm going to keep my dog inside, tonight"

I come back with (joking) "Hey! Look where we are! Virginia Tech!"

2. While helping my friend move in, one of his hanger get crushed and bent underneath all his stuff. I say, "at least we'll be prepared to start a back alley abortion clinic."

btmagnetw · #**415** 11-17-2007, 03:38 AM

[ QUOTE ]
When I was playing PLO in Biloxi, I won a particularly large pot, and was racking my chips up to leave. During play at the table, I had already heard several snide comments about me being young, asian, and not from the South. One of the many middle aged southern guys (mostly from New Orleans/southern mississippi) said, "Just like that huh? Hit and run."

"Might as well call me Katrina, right?" I said.

I froze for a moment, while no one laughed, and in mid shuffle, the dealer's deck exploded. Then, while walking away I couldn't help myself, " Too soon? Well, George Bush hates white people.."

[/ QUOTE ]2nd line ruined it.

Triumph36 · #**416** 11-17-2007, 05:05 AM

[ QUOTE ]
Other jokes that i've told that have bombed:

1. A couple of my buddies were giving me some [censored] about being Asian, "Which Korea are you from? North or South? I'm going to keep my dog inside, tonight"

I come back with (joking) "Hey! Look where we are! Virginia Tech!"

2. While helping my friend move in, one of his hanger get crushed and bent underneath all his stuff. I say, "at least we'll be prepared to start a back alley abortion clinic."

[/ QUOTE ]

this 2nd joke is all timing, and i'm not surprised it bombed. most people aren't prepared to hear something that funny. i think that goes for a good amount of the jokes in this thread.

Low Key · #**417** 11-17-2007, 06:01 AM

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[ QUOTE ]
When I was playing PLO in Biloxi, I won a particularly large pot, and was racking my chips up to leave. During play at the table, I had already heard several snide comments about me being young, asian, and not from the South. One of the many middle aged southern guys (mostly from New Orleans/southern mississippi) said, "Just like that huh? Hit and run."

"Might as well call me Katrina, right?" I said.

I froze for a moment, while no one laughed, and in mid shuffle, the dealer's deck exploded. Then, while walking away I couldn't help myself, " Too soon? Well, George Bush hates white people.."

[/ QUOTE ]2nd line ruined it.

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, he hates white people? I don't particularly get that part. Had he just turned and said 'too soon?', he'd be my new hero.

PBFan · #**418** 11-17-2007, 06:11 AM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Told this one to my brothers fiance first time I met her. Who knew Lady Di was her hero?

The Queen Mum gets to the Pearly Gates where she is met by St. Peter and Princess Diana. St. Peter hands the Queen Mum the obligatory set of angel's wings and shows her to her room. St. Peter asks her if there is anything he can do for her. She replies "The wings are very nice, but why haven't I got a halo like Diana ?". St. Peter chuckles and replies "That's not a halo - it's a steering wheel"

[/ QUOTE ]

in all srsness, anyone offended by this needs to be smacked in the face

[/ QUOTE ]

midfielderdave · #**419** 11-18-2007, 03:39 AM

At a party last night and some guys are talking about getting head/coming without warning.

A friend says,
"Haha Jon came in a girl's mouth without telling her, she got super pissed and he just shrugged his shoulders and said, "oops".

Another friend says,
"Is that kid gonna show up tonight or what?"

So I say,
"Well it's not like he'd tell us when he's coming."

Crickets for a whole minute before they realized.

whale_hunter · #**420** 11-18-2007, 05:57 AM

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One time, Vivaldi heckled me at one of my concerts and everyone laughed. So the next day at his concert, I detuned that bitch's violin. No one thought it was funny. I just sat there in my balcony laughing.

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I laughed at a few other jokes in this thread, but this made me laugh the hardest for some reason.