Old friends you have grown out of... what to do?

TheBigPicture · #1 08-27-2007, 07:29 PM

First some quick background information. I am 21, and the majority of the "friends I have grown out of" I knew when I was in high school with them. Now, usually I am pretty proactive when I want something and I don't stop until I get it. Although, I realized recently that some friends I used to hang out with, I want to stop hanging out with altogether, because we either a) don't have enough things in common for me to hang out with them anymore and enjoy myself, or b) They are the kind of friend I would have made when I was a lot younger and a lot dumber and a lot less strict about who I hang out with. For example, some of my older friends wouldnt ever go out to pick up chicks, or are kind of a clown and I didn't really realize it until now.

I am aware that I come across as an [censored] saying this, but I am just trying to re arrange my friends to where I am satisfied, and yes, at this point I'd rather not have any friends than hang out with some of my old ones. Is there any polite, and possible way to tell my friend or friends that I don't want to hang out with them anymore without them feeling hurt, or without them thinking Im a total [censored]? Has anyone been in this situation before and can help ? I would really appreciate it.

guids · #2 08-27-2007, 07:33 PM

This is common throughout all stages of life, friendships go in cycles, I think most people realize this, usually you just "fall away" from friends. no one gets their feelins hurt, its just a natural progression.

MicroBob · #3 08-27-2007, 07:39 PM

Telling somebody directly "Hey, I've decided I no longer want to hang out with you" would be pretty damn hurtful.

Just drop-out and/or stop accepting their invitations to stuff.
Go do stuff on your own. Make up excuses. Whatever.

This isn't complicated. You had a friend or three who you don't feel that keen about now. So you just stop hanging out with them. No need to tell them that there's a reason you think they suck, etc etc and no need to try to bruise someone's feelings like that.

And a year or two later or maybe longer you might have a good time reuniting/going out with them again sometime and remembering all your fun times together.
No need to burn bridges either.

TheBigPicture · #4 08-27-2007, 07:40 PM

The thing is though, I don't want to hang out with this one kid, and he either calls me or leaves me a message on AIM. He has turned me into a call "screener" which is something I almost never do, but sometimes I don't answer when he calls or IMS, but this is not the kind of person I am and I want to just put an end to the "friendship" altogether..., but I don't want to be a prick to this guy cause I have known him a long time... what do I do?

DonkeyKongSr · #5 08-27-2007, 07:44 PM

Standard. I think the easiest way is just to do less and less with them until you eventually just drift apart. Like Bob said, just make up lame excuses. Unless they are a really close friend, they'll get the hint and/or find you to be an annoying friend to have and move on themselves.

Really close friends has got to be tougher. Going from hanging out at least weekly to not at all is a more difficult process that I'm not sure about.

Oh yeah, getting a girlfriend and spending all your time with her is a great way to lose friends.

qdmcg · #6 08-27-2007, 07:46 PM

[ QUOTE ]
The thing is though, I don't want to hang out with this one kid, and he either calls me or leaves me a message on AIM. He has turned me into a call "screener" which is something I almost never do, but sometimes I don't answer when he calls or IMS, but this is not the kind of person I am and I want to just put an end to the "friendship" altogether..., but I don't want to be a prick to this guy cause I have known him a long time... what do I do?

[/ QUOTE ]

perhaps try to get him to do something that you think is mature/what 21 year olds should do? (get drunk and [censored] girls?)

TheBigPicture · #7 08-27-2007, 07:49 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The thing is though, I don't want to hang out with this one kid, and he either calls me or leaves me a message on AIM. He has turned me into a call "screener" which is something I almost never do, but sometimes I don't answer when he calls or IMS, but this is not the kind of person I am and I want to just put an end to the "friendship" altogether..., but I don't want to be a prick to this guy cause I have known him a long time... what do I do?

[/ QUOTE ]

perhaps try to get him to do something that you think is mature/what 21 year olds should do? (get drunk and [censored] girls?)

[/ QUOTE ]

What does this have to do with anything?

DonkeyKongSr · #8 08-27-2007, 07:49 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
The thing is though, I don't want to hang out with this one kid, and he either calls me or leaves me a message on AIM. He has turned me into a call "screener" which is something I almost never do, but sometimes I don't answer when he calls or IMS, but this is not the kind of person I am and I want to just put an end to the "friendship" altogether..., but I don't want to be a prick to this guy cause I have known him a long time... what do I do?

[/ QUOTE ]

perhaps try to get him to do something that you think is mature/what 21 year olds should do? (get drunk and [censored] girls?)

[/ QUOTE ]

Yeah, I think that's really it. OP, suggest only the things that you want to do. If he's not up for it, then he'll move on to a friend who wants to do what he wants to do. Don't compromise and do the things he wants to do if those are the things you really aren't interested in anymore.

offTopic · #9 08-27-2007, 07:51 PM

[ QUOTE ]
The thing is though, I don't want to hang out with this one kid, and he either calls me or leaves me a message on AIM. He has turned me into a call "screener" which is something I almost never do, but sometimes I don't answer when he calls or IMS, but this is not the kind of person I am and I want to just put an end to the "friendship" altogether..., but I don't want to be a prick to this guy cause I have known him a long time... what do I do?

[/ QUOTE ]

It's El Diablo, right? I feel the same way. Just send him a PM...he's more understanding than you think.

Sooga · #10 08-27-2007, 07:53 PM

Yea I cycle through friends pretty quickly. I have literally 0 people I still keep in touch with from high school (~10 years ago), and only a handful still from college. I just basically stop talking to em. Maybe that's an assholish thing to do, but whatever. It gets the job done when there's certain people I don't want in my life.